A month later
It was December, the month of winter. It teaches us the art of holding things very lightly and letting go and look forward to new beginnings. Still it holds the memories of the previous months. It becomes a hope for those who are able to keep their heart warm all along, but I, I was cold and numb, craving for the same old love. I missed him. I missed his laugh, I missed talking to him, I missed his voice. On my silent days, I missed him a little louder; at night I sat beside the window sill staring at the glowy moon with my mind full of thoughts.
'as if memories have a heart that only beats at night.'
We had our exams this month. I couldn't bear watching him infront of my eyes and not near me. He laughed with other people while my heart ached to become his reason to smile once again. The smell of his perfume still drove me mad. When he asked for my help in studies, I spent as much time as I could. I just wanted be around him. I could feel him, all of him but just couldn't touch him.
Let me go life, it hurts to be half-loved.
28th December, 2022
After our exams, Sebastian called me one day.
Sebastian- "Hey, how was your Christmas? Why didn't you come by the lake this year? I missed you."
Rosalind- "Do you really think I am in a mood for any kind of celebration?"
Sebastian- "Still grieving. You should have felt better if you came. I told you to try to take your mind of right?"
(I gave a sigh of frustration)
Sebastian- "How are you doing?"
Rosalind- "Worse."
Sebastian- "What do you feel?"
Rosalind- "Devastated. When I know it's my fault and I can't fix that even knowing it, that fucking hurts!"
Sebastian- "I can understand you. Did you eat properly this whole time? Did you sleep?"
Rosalind- "I ate once or twice a day and slept whenever I was tired of crying. My results won't be good this time. I couldn't focus on my studies. My head hurts everyday. I became very weak both mentally and physically, every part of my body aches."
Sebastian- "Its been more than a month, if you keep doing like this, you will be doomed buddy. You will fall sick."
Rosalind- "I'm doomed already."
This is a month full of events and enjoyments. In this busy city, I seemed to be the one to sit at home, grieving. I wasn't ready to let him go, I'll never be able to. I just pushed him knowing it would hurt. I never wanted to over burden anyone with my problems. Honestly, he never faked me or disappointed me. He tried to make me understand, he was good to me and he still is and he cares but just like a friend. It was my fault, my thoughts, my insecurity, my hopelessness that forced me to push him and let him live cause I knew he would find someone better. He deserved better and not a traumatic, egoistic, immature and overanxious person like me.
Diary entry-
31st December, 2022
As the year ends, my last prayer was for him to be happy, always. I hope this year brings him health, joy and charm. May he grow more and could fulfill all his wishes.
Exactly at 12, I texted Sebastian and Raymond-
"A very Happy New Year. Sending love and good wishes."
*Though the title of this chapter is December, still I would recommend 'summertime sadness' by Lana Del Rey as song suggestion.*
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| UNREQUITED LOVE |
Short StoryThis story is from a girl's (Rosalind Bennett)perspective who didn't realise when she fell in love and ended up being friends with her lover because she was left with no choice. She knew that he knows but, they pretended. From strangers to friends t...
