*Open Ended*
You meet your bias in the strangest of circumstances.. But is it everything you imagined it would be like?
(!!) People seem to ignore the mature rating and warnings, so +18 is in the title. (for a reason)
Warnings (not limited to)
Swea...
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Chan ordered food and we had the TV on while we waited for it to arrive.
We were cuddled up together on the sofa, but I had a lingering feeling in me.
The other day, we were in a really bad place.
We then went from foundations to a threesome.. In less than 24 hours..
And now he's written me a song and declared his love for me.
On paper, it's a dream.
But in reality? It's a lot.
I really meant it when I said baby steps, and I know I didn't help by agreeing to be with both of them, but all of this... Today.. I feel so overwhelmed.
Dropping the L bomb like that.. Is overwhelming.
I can't help but feel like I need to say it back now, but it doesn't feel genuine in this moment. Yes, I care about him, but I am emotionally drained right now. I can't bring myself to just say the words for the sake of it. I have to really mean it.
"Are you okay?" Chan interrupts my thoughts, patting my side gently. He must have noticed I was deep in thought.
"Oh, uh.." I stall.
"What's wrong?" Chan shifts in his seat to face me better.
"Nothing.. I.. I'm just a bit overwhelmed.. That's all.." I struggle. I don't want to be too honest when I am like this, as I might just be having one of those days. I don't want him to feel bad after being so nice to me.
"Overwhelmed? How come? Is it the song?" He worries.
"It's not the song.. I knew you were making one-"
"-What is it then?" He bluntly quizzes, with a bit of frustration in his voice.
"Let me get to it? I am just a bit all over the place, emotionally, for obvious reasons" I frown back to him.
"You don't have to get your back up, Chan." I dig. There was literally no reason for him to change his tone like that.
"Sorry. I know hormones are probably raging.." He tries to joke, but I don't find it funny.
"It's not that." I defend, sitting up and creating a little distance between us.
"A lot has happened recently. I just need some time." I sigh a little, watching his face morph into confusion.
"Am I too much? I can go if you want.. If you need some space?"
"No. Space and time are two different things. Just slow down a bit.
Everything's going 100 miles an hour. I just need it to go in slow motion for once." I whine back. He just isn't getting it.
The door then goes and Chan doesn't hesitate to get up and answer it.
He comes through and hands me the noodle dish I ordered, bearing a weak smile as we make eye contact.
"Thank you." I whisper.
We were quiet. The only noise in the room was from the TV, and I couldn't have felt any more awkward.
"Han says he's writing a song about us." I cut through the silence, and Chan looks up to me confused.
"Us?" He questions with his mouth full of food.
"Mm.. I don't know what to expect, but I love his songs, so I'm sure it'll be amazing."
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Knowing Hans lyricism, it will be great, but hard to swallow. He has witnessed mine and Y/Ns.. relationship.. From the start. He has seen our ups and downs.
I just hope he shows me it before he shows Y/N it.
I had felt so happy, telling Y/N how I feel. But after she has explained how fast things are moving, and that she feels overwhelmed... I feel like an idiot.
I guess I just got too excited.
I cleared my throat.
"Y/N.. I know I've made a lot of mistakes, and I keep pushing you away.
I do appreciate your honesty though. Honesty is vital in any relationship, and I'm glad you feel comfortable enough with me to tell me how you're feeling." I avoid eye contact with her, but I get what I wanted to say off my chest.
"Channie. What you see is what you get with me. I try to live my life as authentically as possible. If I am not sure about something, I will tell you.
I just need us to slow down. You really do mean a lot to me. We don't need to rush anything, but I do appreciate everything. The cactus, the promise ring.. The song.. You are incredible, and you really do make me happy.."
"..Not all the time though. I have made you sad, and I hate myself for it." I faltered.
"Life's all about balance. Don't dwell on it." She smiled back at me, taking my hands in hers.
"I promise I will make it up to you." I defied, squeezing her hands in mine and then bringing them to my lips to seal with a kiss.
"No, you don't need to do that. Just be normal." She giggles back.
"Okay. I promise to be normal." I sigh in defeat, giggling as well.
"You can stay if you want? If you don't want to, thats fine-"
"-I want to.
I would love to." I whisper back.
It's like a broken record in my head. All I want is her, but I keep fucking up and pushing her away. Bin is right. There will come a time where she wont come back. I have seen for myself now how it is draining her.
Knowing she has so many people looking out for her is reassuring though. Hyunjin and Han are amazing for her.
We closed up the left overs, putting them in the fridge, and took ourselves to her bed.
She was wearing pajamas, which was for obvious reasons, but I was just happy she felt comfortable with me.
We got into bed and she cuddled right up to me.
I know I have in me to be the man she needs. I just need to get my shit together, or I'll end up losing her for good.
"Channie.." She mumbles.
"Hm?"
"When is your show?" She asks out of the blue. At least she isn't overthinking tonight any more.
"It's next weekend. We have this week's practice and then next week is venue soundcheck."
"Woah, I'm so excited for it." She nuzzles into me sleepily.
I smiled to myself, then stroked her hair while she drifted off to sleep.
