Eru Help Me

XXIII

She was freezing, hungry and tired. Was all of this a good idea? had been a thought that passed her mind a lot of times.

It had been two weeks since she had left her home. After five days of riding, eating what she could hunt or find in the nature, she had reached the Helcaraxë. Nenlissë had let Aclar free before beginning her way to Middle Earth.

Now, it had been ten days. Ten days of eating frozen fruits she had managed to take with her, of freezing from the ice storm, her fingers numbs from the cold. No shelter to sleep or rest, at least she could use the snow as water to drink.

A strong gust of wind made her fall. She was so cold, so tired, so... maybe...

"Maybe I should give up" She whispered, her voice hoarse from not talking for days. "Maybe it was meant to end now..." She looked up before closing her eyes "Eru... let me die" Was her last words as she fell unconscious in the snow.

She didn't heard the footsteps reaching to her. She didn't felt the arms picking her up. She didn't knew that someone took her somewhere. She didn't felt the slight worried hand that hold hers some nights when no one was watching.

But she woke up. Alone. In this large room. Plain room with only the bed she was laying in, a bath and a vanity. She slowly sat up, looking around her. On the vanity, lilacs were resting. She got up, her bare foot on the cold floor made her shiver as she looked down to herself. Someone had changed her, dressed her in a dark and warm nightgown. She walked to the vanity, brushing the petals of the lilacs. Dead. They were dead and the petals crumbled between her fingers. She stared at the dead flowers for long minutes when a noise got her attention. A knock on the door. She carefully walked to it before opening the door. In front of her was standing Teivel. No. Morgoth was standing here. She stared at him with horror before slamming the door back shut, frantically searching for a lock. But there were none.

"Nenlissë. Open that door" He said, freezing her in place.

"No." She replied in a little scared voice. "No. I'm not opening."

She heard the Vala, her husband reach for the door handle. "Darling. I know you are scared but I promise you that I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to talk." His sweet honeyed voice still managed to coax her to open the door.

When she got back in his view, he reached to hold her but she took a step back, getting away from him.

"Don't touch me. Please."

He retracted his hands, staring at her. "As you wish" He said before closing the door behind him as he entered her room. "Sit, please." He added, mentioning to the bed.

She shook her head "I'm good standing." The Vala sighed before repeating. "Just sit, Lissë. You barely made it out alive and I don't especially want you to die. Even more now."

The human frowned at his words. "Even more now? Why? Because you need more information from me?" She looked at him with disgust before doing something rash as she spit on her, her saliva landing on his robe. "I'm never going to tell you anything!"

Morgoth just shook his head, looking down at his torso before glancing at his wife. "I'm concerned about your health because you are my wife. And because there is another heartbeat in you."

At his words, she just stared at him before his sentence clicked, made sense. "What? No! I can't... I'm not!

-You are. You are with child, Nenlissë. With my child. Except if you cheated on me with the pathetic elf you called your cousin.

-Don't you dare talk of him like that. Turko is everything you'll never be."

He sneered at her words before grabbing her by the throat, glaring into her eyes.

"Mind your tongue, human." He hissed "I am what you will ever desire or deserve." He tightened his grip on the soft flesh of her neck "So stop being a whiny spoiled girl."

Morgoth finally dropped his hand, letting the human take back her breath. Nenlissë took some step back, a hand coming to her neck, tears in her eyes as she was trying to breath again. Morgoth looked down at his wife before approaching her, taking her arm and making her sit on the bed.

"I'm sorry for my burst of anger." He simply said as he reached to wipe tears that were dropping on the girl cheeks. "I have some problems with controlling my anger when it involve jealousy.

-You chocked me.

-And I said I was sorry." He glared at her before giving her that false smile he would always give her. "I care for you, pet. And I can't really excuse myself from being jealous that my wife is defending another male in front of me, even more when she's with my offspring."

Lissë stared at him as he brought her knuckles to his lips. "Will you forgive me, beloved?" He whispered.

"I don't want that child." Nenlissë replied to him. The Vala frowned before replying, his grip tightening on her hand. "That wasn't my question, doll. And you'll keep that child. You're my wife.

-I'm not. I'll not give you a child. Why do you even want it?" She exclaimed to him.

"You really want to know why?" He laughed "I've always wanted to see what a mere human and a Vala could create. A new race." He looked at her stomach with a large smile "What of you? Will you survive? Will the babe power and darkness consume you from inside? In childbirth? Would they be powerful like me? Or weak like you?

-You're insane." She replied with an horrified look "I would prefer dying than giving birth to your child!"

He sneered at her again before standing back up and slapping her. "You'll obey to me. Or I'll put you in a cell and keep you alive until you birth my child."

She just stared at him with absolute terror. A minute passed before he gently, a complete change from his previous behavior, wrapped his arms around around her shaky frame.

"Forgive me, darling. It wasn't my attention to hurt you again." He kissed her temple. "I want us to be happy and this little bundle..." He posed a hand on her flat stomach, making Lissë flinch "... is going to solve everything, alright?"

The human didn't replied, still shaking of fear in his arms.

"Shh, shh. Stop trembling, doll. You're acting as if I'm abusive. But I love you, you know that right?" At her silence, he only continued to press his lips on her forehead, her cheeks and lips until her lack of reply bored him. "I have to got, pet. I'll be back tonight.

-Tonight?" She repeated with a hint of fear in her voice. Morgoth only smirked.

"Obviously. We're married. Why would we not share a bed?" He replied before leaving the room.

After he left, Nenlissë stood frozen on the bed before her hands came to cradle her stomach and the reality of her situation sink in. She stayed here crying, for a long time before calming herself. She needed to do something. To end this. For once and all. The human got up and walked to the bathtub that was standing in a corner of the room. It was already filled with water. With a big breath, she got in it, still dress of her nightgown, the fabric clinging to her skin.

Water

Her safe place since she was a kid. Could she do it? Finish it where it had begun?

Nenlissë. No. Leya let out a laugh, a snort. Funny it was to think of the poetry of the situation.

She let the water completely cover her, the oxygen leave her lungs. Her body trashed, trying to survive but even if her lungs were burning, her mind being lighter and lighter as consciousness left her, she stood her ground, staying under water until the light in her mind was replaced with darkness and the two heartbeats that lived in the woman body stopped for eternity.

Freedom