A Night in Hollywood

Wise

Louis was confident it was the right thing to do. It might not have ended in the way he wanted it to, but now it was over, no more Harry Styles to confuse his feelings. Yet... It hurt so much.

It had been two days and Louis couldn't somehow stop crying.

He thought that ending it would prevent him from hurting, like if he took control of the situation, then it wouldn't affect him. But he was so wrong.

It had been two days, and Niall was no help.

"You should go and talk to him!"

"I can't," sniffed Louis from where he was on his couch. "I... I don't deserve him, and I still don't want a relationship."

"Louis, you're hurting."

"Well, I hurt him, so, karma is a bitch."

"Karma is a breeze in my hair on the weekend—"

"Don't quote Taylor Swift right now."

"Sorry."

Niall had been with him all day, refusing to leave. Louis wanted him to, though. Niall didn't understand. No one did. No one seemed to get that the fear Louis had inside him was so big and all-consuming and he couldn't just talk to Harry.

'I'm not Jacob!"

'No, but I'm scared you could be worse!'

The words rang in Louis' ears constantly. He had insinuated to Harry's face that he thought Harry would end up hurting him worse than Jacob had. How could he take something like that back? He knew Harry wasn't like that, but the tiny voice in the back of his head didn't know that. It thought that because Louis' feelings for Harry were bigger than anything else he had ever felt before, meant that any minor thing Harry did wrong would hurt ten times worse.

And, in some ways, it wasn't wrong.

"Louis, I don't understand why you don't wanna try to mend things with him," Niall said. "You love him, you said it yourself."

Louis sniffed. "You don't get it."

"Make me get it, then."

"I'm just so scared," Louis said, hiding his face behind his hands. "I have abandonment issues, okay? And... I just... I can't do it. I'm not strong enough."

"But, Louis," Niall said and placed a hand on Louis' knee, "isn't it worth a shot? Harry is... Harry is amazing, he's so unlike Jacob as it gets. And he loves you, too, he wants to be with you. Isn't it worth trying and seeing if it'll last instead of living alone and wondering what could've been if you just had taken the step?"

"Even if I wanted that, I fucked it up, Niall," Louis said. "And now I want to be alone."

"Louis—"

"Leave, Niall," Louis hissed.

Niall stood up, defeated. "Alright, Lou. I'll see you."

"Yeah."

Niall left and once again, Louis felt so utterly alone in his house.

He thought about all the hours he had spent with Harry there. Cooking in the kitchen (Harry was the one cooking, Louis just watched), watching telly on the couch, washing Harry's hair in the shower, sweet nothings in the mornings...

Harry had made the house feel like a home.

Harry felt like home.

And Louis missed him.