Turbulent Ties

18-The Apology

"But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?"
-- Mark Twain

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Tay

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I regret my actions deeply. Facing the consequences of my mistake has left me feeling disgusted with myself. Touching another man, especially the one I was about to marry, has caused me great shame. When a knock came at my door, I knew it was time to confront the situation.

As another knock resounds, I hear a familiar voice demanding entry. P'Mook's tone is unusually harsh, indicating her disapproval even before she enters my room. I open the door, only to be met with a stern gaze from her.

Attempting to justify my actions, I begin, "I know I made a mistake, but-"

"You have indeed erred, Tawan," she interjects, her voice rising in frustration. "You've crossed a line."

"It wasn't my intention to touch him."

"You touched him?!" She shouted.

Realizing she was unaware, I wondered why Thitipoom hadn't informed her.

"I don't know what came over me," I tried to explain.

P'Mook scoffed. "That's your explanation? How weak, Tawan..." She paused, took a deep breath, and continued, "Listen, Tawan. I don't care about your power or wealth. If you can't treat my brother properly, then stay away from him! Remember, I won't be as forgiving next time."

I had never seen P'Mook so furious, but we had only known each other for a few weeks. "Are you threatening me?" I asked.

"Interpret it as you wish, but I won't allow you to mistreat my brother like that again!" Her finger pointed accusingly at me. "You shall not harm my brother again! You hear me?!"

"What if I do? He is mine now, and I have full authority over him." I sneered in response.

P'Mook marched forward and grabbed my collar, glaring at me. "I will fucking kill you! Do you even know that he had a panic attack over whatever that you did today!" She let go of my collar and sighed deeply. "Tawan, I harbor no hatred towards you. New refused to take his medication today, but he had to. He struggled to breathe, in tears, yet wouldn't disclose what you did. But I am certain this time it is your doing. He kept saying he despises you."

I couldn't meet her gaze. I have mistreated others worse in the past, but the guilt weighed heavily on me. I had no one to blame but myself. I shouldn't have touched him when he explicitly asked me not to. I had lost all control, as if I were not in my right mind.

"I have tried to paint a positive picture of you to him, Tay. And today, you shattered it all. How could you be so reckless?" P'Mook's voice was laden with disappointment.

I felt nothing but shame as I met her eyes. "Why?"

"What do you mean, why?" she inquired with a slight edge to her tone.

I maintained eye contact and asked, "Why are you trying to enhance my reputation, P'Mook? You don't know me well. What if I'm actually not a good person?"