UNI'S SECOND EPIC ART BOOK

Rating The Dudes I Simp For... Because I Can...

Okay, this is 100% real, guys. I will actually rate them because part of me wants to see who's the best or would be the best if they were real. This will not include anything NSFW. Only the more wholesome side will be discussed here. This may end up being kinda long and need to be broken up, so if I have to cut this short, I will.

First off, we're gonna look at Professor Sycamore from Pokémon XY. He's good with animals and tech and pretty much is the equivalent of a zoologist in the Pokémon world. So, he's got money and a brain full of all kinds of facts about nature. Not to mention, some knowledge of engineering. Look, I was raised by a tomboy, guys. Sycamore would probably be able to figure out what's wrong with a car before I could and properly diagnose a stray dog as well as cover the bills. I wouldn't miss that opportunity if a real dude with the same qualities came up and proposed.

Now, all the professors in Pokémon tend to be the same with some different quirks. They generally are all geniuses since they wouldn't be in this position if they weren't. But part of me feels Sycamore still just needs something that would put him at the top of my list. I don't know why but, he almost feels bland and dull compared to the Mettaton, Starlo, and Zero. Like, there's not much going on besides being a zoologist who loves the smell of motor oil. I'm not sure if that's because I didn't watch a lot of the anime or if that's just how Gamefreak made him. At least he treats kids with respect and even helps them out however he can. He may even treat women just as well. All this might means he's in third place. The gap between him Mettaton is huge and I think it's gonna be smaller between him and Starlo.

Okay, Zero the Jackal. Let's look at him now. He has a dark backstory where he once had a team of mercenaries and they were on a mission where they had to infiltrate enemy territory in Mystic Jungle. His team got wiped out by Eggman (I think, unless it was Shadow) and he had his tail handed to him by Shadow, who later called him pathetic. Then, he became Infinite, joined Eggman, took out Sonic and locked him away for six months, and still ended up losing in the end. If you haven't seen the Q&A with Violet, I recommend you read it because there's more about Zero there and they need more interaction.

Anyway, I like to think he decides to leave Eggman and return to being Zero after the events of Forces. He goes back to being a mercenary but, he works alone. Typically, mercenaries require a payment and I don't know what kind he accepts. Maybe it's rings. Maybe it's some kind of coin or paper bill. Either way, he has to travel often to track down his targets. Does this make for a stable relationship at all? It really depends where Zero goes, how much he makes, and his mental and emotional stability after each job. Would it be healthy? Again, this also depends on his mental and emotional stability. If he isn't and that leads to him lashing out or being disrespectful or disloyal, it would be toxic and he'd have to really work on himself. Zero's coming in at either fourth or second. I'm not sure where to place him yet. Let's see where the other two end up and rank Zero after.

Next, let's look at Starlo, the new guy. This may contain spoilers for Undertale Yellow so read at your own risk. I have been hyperfixating on UTY for the past few months and something I have noticed is that some artists really make Starlo look like a rugged cowboy. I don't have any other problems with that. I just think Mettaton could have competition for the number one spot on my list. Why? Go look up Starlo Undertale Yellow anywhere right now. Look at the fanart. I posted a screenshot from Pinterest that had an image of Starlo without the poncho, holding a pool stick. It was from behind and I kid you not, this dude is packing heat back there and I don't mean his revolver.

He also treats Clover like his own kid by teaching them how to wield a firearm, buying them the best equipment, and teaching them how to be a deputy in the pacifist route. Do I think he'd be a good dad? Yes, I firmly believe he'd be a good parent. I've seen his interactions with Clover and it's exactly how a dad would treat his own kid. I never had a dad or father so, seeing that in a fan-made prequel for one of my fave games restored some of my faith in men. Starlo is that really awesome dad you'd hear about in country music. He's the one that stayed and taught his kid valuable knowledge and had fun with them while bringing them to work. I grew up with country music because that's what my mom listens to and seeing a country boy treating a child of another race and family as his own made me so happy. That's what I'd want to see in a lifelong partner.

Okay, Starlo might be in second now. Zero is probably gonna end up in fourth unless I bump Sycamore down one more place and put Zero in third. This means, by default, Mettaton still gets first. Why did I rank him at the very top? This robot has character, man. He has several different shows, holds concerts, runs his own hotel and fast-food restaurant, has brand name merch, etc. I headcanon him to be closer to seven feet tall but, his overworld sprite, according to my brother, shows that he's nearly nine feet tall. Also, the fanart again, guys. The fanart! There are artists who make him ripped and I'm one of them. I'm not kidding! I have seen an image of a hyper-realistic Mettaton EX and the artist actually gave him a six-pack and biceps. Again, no problems with the art or artist but, I will ask why must they make him look that good.

Other reasons why Mettaton is ranked the highest is because he knows how to treat people, not just women. Show him kindness and respect, he'll return the favor. But if you tick him off, run as fast and as far as you can. He has a chainsaw and bombs. His legs can be lethal. Just keep a safe distance and consider going off the grid. He may be a diva but, he can slay in more than one way. He also understands a lot of societal issues women face like the lack or size of pockets, overpriced products, abuse, risk of being kidnapped, etc. He gets it and would definitely take a stand against it. He'd understand if you don't like getting dressed up on a regular basis and wouldn't care because he'd still think you're attractive.

Now, I also know Mettaton can be full of himself. He can be a narcissist and that often is a red flag. Realistically, that red flag outweighs all the green flags. Some of you know I paired him with my main UT OC who is a near perfect foil to him. She's shy and not very social due to anxiety, whereas he's confident and very social. She's humble and he's egotistical. She's unafraid to fight and will fight anyone practically while he picks his battles to protect his legs, face, hair, and fame. She's a young, punk rock guitarist and he's a preppy pop artist. She's a fighter and he's a flirt. She's also becoming more chaotic and he's growing rather concerned for her well-being. They could be the "I can fix them."/"I can ruin them." trope if I wanted it. But I intend for them to be wholesome instead.

So, that's the current list. That's how they are ranked. The order is Mettaton, Starlo, Zero, Sycamore.