I wasn't going to write you because I know you need your rest baby. But I'm not ok. If I am being honest the thoughts are back. I want to unalive myself. I want to do it tonight.
When you was alive you gave me a reason to live and to go to work daily.
But you're not here. I know you died doing a stupid mistake but you broke those that you had left behind.
I came face to face with death. My body saved me but what reason is my thoughts. I wish I could join you and my brother.
So my family on my dad side, you guess right. They disown me. Talk bad about me. I just wish I could evaporated. Never to be seen again.
How do you do it? Live life on the edge. How do you be so carefree.
My arises and I broke up. She was my home. She made me feel so fucking happy. With her I was on cloud 9.
I am now dating an Aquarius. He is not working out either. Sad to say his expectations doesn't matches mine. I can't bring it in myself to break up with him.
I'm not a Pisces too. But it's risky and enduring. Yet afraid to give her my all.
See im the type that puts my heart on the line. Over and over again. It always end up getting broken. Makes me wonder where is God. Doesn't he sees my pain.
No one is out there to make talk or listen. Not like my brother did. I can't go to my hideout much because it's raining.
I feel trapped.
My job, oh my job. I can't find the joy to keep going.
I take way too many advices and I can't find my voice. I can still hear myself stating well blessing... But what happens if that voice dies.
I'm tired love. I'm so tired.
Oh did I mention my thoughts of self harm is back and heavy.
I had my eating disorders mess up yesterday. I heard a voice in my mind call me a pig. As I'm writing this, I still hear small negative voices.
I wish I could escape. I wish I was not in Alabama. Or hell alive.
Does death seem great because I might join you in 5 yrs. Despite what everyone says or do.
I miss your smile R.
I miss your voice.
I miss you.
I miss me.
I make it out of here someday right
Right?
Signed AB
