♤SPRING SHIELD (MxM) ~fantasy~♤

I'll think I'll miss you

Kristian

I feel bad that I told Elijah that,it came out harsher than I intended. But I just wanted him to get me,to understand where I'm coming from but... it put him in a bad mood.
Normally he's just grumpy and snaps until he's satisfied. But today he's just quiet. Quiet when he cooked dinners for the boys and me,quiet when he got a call from his mother,quiet when we put the kids to bed.
I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm losing my mind trying to get into his.
I take a quick shower then peak into his bedroom and find him typing in the dark. I switch the light on,and he turns around. He's wearing a cream sweater and glasses,making him look cute and soft. I'd hug him if weren't for the sorrowful look on his face.
I'd always thought that if I ever caught Lewis pouting he'd look ridiculous. But he looks so... sad. It makes me feel horrible when I see his lips downturned like that.
"I thought you'd be in bed already."I say leaning on the door frame and he sighs and shakes his head. "Hey,Lewis? What's wrong,talk to me."
"Nothings wrong,Kris."
"You only ever call me that when you're grumpy."I say,walking into his room and sitting on his bed. It's a huge bed,and he regularly changes the beddings so it always smells fresh and nice. But most of all it smells like him. All masculine and laden with spice,it makes me feel all warm inside.
"Grumpy is certainly not the word."he says,not sparing me a glance,
"Is this about what I said earlier,Lewis?"I ask,getting up and wrapping my arms around his shoulders from behind,letting my head rest on him as I stare at his screen. I don't care what's on it,I just want to make him feel better.
"Listen,I just... I'm confused okay? I'm learning to treat you with a type of affection and care that I've never given to anyone. I feel vulnerable in this situation,very very vulnerable."he crosses his arms over his chest and averts his gaze.
"So am I,but it'll all be okay once we-"
"That's what I thought too,gain experience. I got headstrong and all I wanted to do was show you how good I get at this,what kind of man I can be. To protect you,but today I realised that I can't do that. At all. And it makes me feel like less of a man."
"Oh come on,that's not true."I whine,making a face at him but he doesn't seem to budge. He doesn't actually feel like that? My heart squeezes in my chest,
"I want to believe that it's not,Kristian,I really do. But if I can't even protect you from jerks like McConnell then what am I even doing? I've shown affection to people by being their rock. Their solid ground,but I feel like I'm just letting you float,letting you be in danger. It makes me feel pathetic,you know that?"After he says this I grab his face and turn him towards me,gently and shake my head.
"Lewis,I don't feel like that. At all."I say and he shakes his head,his brows bunched together,
"See? Even when we're at home you call me boss or Lewis. It draws this line between us,"he grumbles,
"Is it my fault that I take more time to get used to the switch from work and home? Come here,"I say lifting him up off his chair and making him sit on the bed with me. Face to face,"Is this what this is about,you don't feel like I'm being sweet enough with you?"he doesn't say anything but turn his eyes away,warm emanating from his cheeks,
"What would you rather I call you? Hm?"I move closer until his knee is wedged between my thighs,and his nose is up against mine. "Darling? Sweetheart? My man?"the last one makes his breath hitch and he drops his eyes to the floor,"You like that one,don't you?"I let my hands drop to his neck,rubbing the tender flesh there,
"Red."he warns,I ignore. That's our natural rhythm.
"Okay then,tell me if you want to hear what I think makes you a man to me?"
"No,not really."the way he's smiling at me tells me all I need to know. Leaning inwards I whisper to him,
"The day that there was some cloud thing at the office that night-"
"A dark cloud."he corrects,accepting my physical advance into his arms by wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me toward him. One swift motion is all he needs to have me right on his lap.
"When you put your arm in front of me and told me that you would handle it,it made me feel so safe. I had every right to be scared or to run,but all I wanted to do was be by you. Because I know you'd never let anything happen to me."I say,wrapping my hands around his neck as he hums. So subtle,so low,beckoning me to keep talking. I continue,
"I like the way you have everything figured out."
"Really?"he raises his brow and the motion has never looked so sexy to me,maybe it's the way his hoarse voice seems to be vibrating in the air,
"I like how tall you are,how I have to look up sometimes to talk you."he practically pounces on me when I say this placing his lips on mine,cradling as he lowers me until he's on top of me and I'm below him on his bed.
He dips his head and kisses my neck,making a sound of pleasure escape from my lips,"I like how deep your voice is-"he stops and buts his forehead with mine,his gaze growing blurry and hot. So full of want and desire. It makes the air thicker,my heart race because how can you not? When a man like this looks at you with such intensity. Such focus,
"I love how sharp your jaw is."he starts to kiss me before I've even finished,his body closing the distance between us,until my legs are lifted on either side of him and his crotch his resting at my centre.
"That I know."he teases,
"I like how you tell me what to do."
"Do you?"his smile makes me have butterflies in all the right places.
"Sometimes."I shrug and he laughs. He is all over me right now. His hands are gliding over my body like a hot knife through butter,he stretches his fingers out like he's trying to feel me all of me at the same time.
"I'm not that tall,Red. You're up to my chin and your legs are long."he says pulling said legs higher so that I'm straddling him,
"I said sometimes,Lewis."I gasp when he bites my collar bone gently,
"I thought you'd stop calling me that."
"Oh,aren't you so needy? I like when you get jealous sometimes too darling."with my hand on his chest I can feel his heart thumping as soon as I call him that. He kisses me again,but so much rougher. I think I like this side of Elijah,
"That doesn't sound quite right,call me by name when you feel like it,"
"So how about it? Do you feel like a man now?"I ask and he pulls away slightly before pulling me up with him,I'm still seated on his lap.
"Are you asking me if I feel better?"
"Yeah,silly. Do you?"
"No."he deadpans,and I groan. I'd push him off me if his chest didn't feel so good under my hands,
"You are so hard to please."
"I can neither confirm nor deny that statement. But I have something else on my mind."he says,then he sighs seeming stressed,"I have a business trip to Europe soon."
"Oh,isn't that the one for the investors? Doesn't that mean it's going well,why are you stressed out?"I giggle in the way that makes him frown each and every time,
"Because,Red. I want to and it's good for this project. For us. But it takes so much out of me you know,jet lag. Who will take care of the kids? Who takes care of the office? It's a lot to handle."he explains,his face scrunching up the way it does when he's thinking too hard. I try to smoothe it out with my fingers,
"Well,let me take somethings off your back? I can stay in the guest room and take care of the kids,I can also handle the office while your away."he makes a face before shaking his head at my offer,
"Red,you already helped me so much before and I can't just dump everything on you again when I'm still trying to pay you back."
"I already told you,I don't want a thing for taking care of you. It was my decision. I could've walked out whenever I wanted."I stop myself before I say Lewis but I can't say Elijah either. It feels like... too much.
"But still..."
"The boys probably won't be comfortable with a live in but they're fine with me. And besides I can take this opportunity to get to know them and they're preferences better."trying to convince him to do something is so difficult sometimes. He's so headstrong,"It won't be so long,right?"
"It's around a week."a week. Part of me knows that it's not a long at all. But another thinks of how we haven't spent a day apart in months. Weekdays in the office. Weekends at his house or mine. We're never away from each other.
I'm terrified of the fact that.. I might miss him.
"That's not too bad,"
"Is it? It feels like long,I haven't been away from my babies for that long since they were born."he says,looking like an anxious mother hen. It's cute.
"Babies? They're boys now,unfortunately for you,protective dad."
"But they need me more than you think-"
"YOU need them more than you think."I correct and he groan standing up and taking me with him like he's casually carrying his phone. He holds me up with one arm as he turns the light off. "Oh,yeah. I like this about you,you're strength."
"Of course you do."he mutters placing me back down on the bed and going to sleep beside me. The other day he said this would never happen.