♤SPRING SHIELD (MxM) ~fantasy~♤

In memory of Isaiah Lewis

Elijah

The bells of the church ring slowly and I stare at my father's grave. Side by side with my mother,like we do every two years. In another eight or so rounds of this we'll start doing it once every ten. When my father died I was often told that after two years it won't even matter anymore.
But it still does. And this day still crushes me all the same.
The way people stare at me and my mother,pitifully and whisper of our pain behind our backs never changes.
My mother tugs at my sleeve,prompting me to lay down my white rose along with hers. I walk to the side with my head down and let everyone else who wants to give him flowers do it.
It amounts to a lot by the end. His relatives,colleagues,friends and in laws. Some of the special guard. Then at the very end,Kristian is there. His red hair practically glowing in his completely black suit,he awkwardly sets his rose down before scurrying off to my side. "That was so nerve racking-"he says,tapping at his chest as though he's soothing his heart beat,
"What makes you say that?"I ask when the church bells ring again signalling the end of this part of the service,
"It felt like he was staring at me,"he whispers. Perhaps he was,I think that dad wouldn't have a place in his heart for him. Maybe he'd even hate him. I don't say anything more as we walk to the church and I sit down in the front row with my immediate family.
Except my mother. Each time we do this she's the one who gives a speech,the way he would've wanted. "First of all I think that it's in order that I thank all of you. For attending each time we have this service in memory of Isaiah Lewis,father of Elijah and my late husband."
No one claps but they all nod. She seems like a dream,her pitch black dress and hat blending in with the gloom of the sky,
"From the time I met him to the last conversation I ever had with him,Isaiah always had a sense of responsibility and loyalty. He had long pledged his heart and life to this city,and dare I say it the nation. It feels surreal to think that all the other avatars he led into victory are no longer the current protectors of this land,"she says. A memory glinting in her eyes as she looks off the stage and at all the previous avatars.
At least those who didn't die shortly after him.
Shane's father,Jonathan Kane's mother,Rowin's father and if she wasn't dead Azaar's cousin would be here.
"But I think if he were alive this sight would make him happy. If there was one thing he loved more than the line of duty,it was the future. And it know that the future he worked so hard for was a success is a great gift to him. So I would like to thank all the avatars who came today. It means everything to me."she does a curtesy in their direction and they all bow their head,
"And thank all of you who didn't know him when he was alive but still came today. He must be at peace knowing that his honour has the ability to stretch that far."she's making direction eye contact with Kristian as she says this. Taking in a shaking breath she continues,"In honour of all your achievements,and all you efforts. We keep you in our hearts from now until forever."and with that she gets off the stage.
People do their sniffling,and tears. Both fake and real. Both bruised and hurt.
But it is not my time to cry just yet,now I feel numb as my vision is fogged by my life when he was here. Whatever my mind can recover from the good times before he left. Everything else I do feels like it's in autopilot.
I push to my feet and I feel hands reach out to my shoulder in support. Shane just purses his lips and hands me flowers before walking away. Azaar spares me a short hug,Jonathan hugs me for a long time whispering tall tales of how I'll be fine. And Rowin has always felt afraid when he sees me in this state.
Walking behind his mother he offers me the last flower I'll receive today.
And the service is over with nothing left to say. Because he's already been gone for eight whole years.

_________________

I like to hide myself when I'm in states of vulnerability. I don't like my son's to see the dream of a unbreakable man crumble before their eyes.
I don't want my mother to see my lack of strength.
But today their's a third person I don't want walking through that door and seeing me in such a state. If he did I might hide in a hole until both of us forget it ever happened.
I hear a knock on the door to my drawing room where I sit on the floor leaning against the only couch in the darkness. I swipe at my tears angrily and snap across the room,"Mother,I don't wish to be disturbed right now."
The knocking goes away but in a moment the door creaks open and I audibly sigh,"Mother-"
"I'm afraid she knows better."Kristian says,light spilling from where he stands in the door way. For the love of Lyria.
I tilt my head back onto my chair,"And you don't?"
"I'm more worried than I am afraid of whatever you're capable of doing."he says walking towards me and I turn my body the other way so he doesn't see me. Heat rushing to my cheeks,
"What have I given you to be worried about?"
"You haven't eaten since morning."he says sitting right beside me making my muscles tense. There's no way to hide the evidence that I was crying without making a sound.
"It's not evening yet."I sniffle. He makes a sound as he takes a cup of tea and hands it to me,
"Well,I tried my best."he cautions with a shrug. Hesitantly I take the cup and sip it. Yep,this is gross.
"You let it seep for too long."I mutter handing it back to him and he makes a defeated noise,
"Is that even a thing?"I'm never letting him make tea ever again,
"Are you alright?"I suddenly remember how much he cried before our movie was even over. He kept saying things I didn't understand over and over until we fell asleep. I was worried sick when he finally stopped whispering and slept on my shoulder,
"Are you in position to be asking if anyone else is alright?"he throws it back at me,causing me to roll my eyes. Since when did he get to nag me? "You had that right revoked."
"I did not-"
"You did."
"How dare- you know what leave. I don't want to speak to you right now."
"If I tell you why I was crying will you let me stay."I let my odds settle for a moment before letting my silence serve as agreement. "The movie was really,really sad."
"Am I that much of an idiot to you?"I snap and he covers his mouth starting to giggle,"Of course the live action was a master piece in more ways than one. The acting was phenomenal but it doesn't warrant sobbing,"I reason,
"Okay then. I'll tell you the other reason if you eat this holy sandwich."he pushes half a sandwich into my face and I groan.
"Calling a sandwich this size holy is criminal."I say,taking a bite of his 'holy' sandwich,"Okay tell me,"
"You have to finish it."I roll my eyes and eat the rest of the sandwich.
"You know you didn't have to come to the service right?"I say,dusting my hands of the crumbs,
"I think you would be angrier if I didn't."
"I would understand if you did."I counter and he gives me a tight smile before placing both his hands on my head and guiding me onto his lap. To lie there.
For some reason or the next I'm complicit with his advance. "This day... is hard for you."he says,his hands falling into a rhythm of stroking me,as if trying to swipe my worries away.
There's care in it. Love and worry.
Call me greedy but this attention from him is mine now. And no one else is getting it in the near future. I'm not willing to share.
I nuzzle further into our contact,"It is,"
"Everyone is worried about you."his voice is growing calm as his fingers glide through my hair."Can I convince you to come downstairs somehow?"
"Not now,Red."I grumble,
"I'll have to call my boyfriend then-"I grab him by his wrist and put his hand back on my head,
"Stop bluffing."
"I'm not- stop being so grumpy."he laughs and keeps touching me in a way that makes me want to stay in this moment forever and ever.