♤SPRING SHIELD (MxM) ~fantasy~♤

Crawl into a bottle

Elijah

My mother took my children away in the name of giving me time even though it was clear she just wanted an excuse to take them from me.
But then I thought,it might make me feel better. Give me some time to think about everything,regroup. But then I just got incredibly lonely. Like,terribly,inconsolably lonely. I thought I would stop thinking that he was there when he wasn't. Handing out things to the air. Waiting on coffee that wasn't coming. And it all fell down when he had just mastered coffee that I actually thought was good.
Now no one knows the recipe except him.
It's pathetic that I never realised how many things in my life had been completely altered because of him.
At first I was in denial. It couldn't possibly be the same person how I had hated all these years who I had been simultaneously working with and falling for. Then I watched how he couldn't say anything back to me,then I just got mad. I was seething. Rage consumed me to such a point that I couldn't function.
Then my condition worsened when I could barely do anything without thinking about how easy it would be if he was just... here.
Then I started replaying our argument over and over again. He barely said anything. I wish he had so I had more to go off of that isn't just me screaming at the top of my lungs.
Then I just wanted to talk. I just wanted clarity. Not that I think we could even work something out,I just... I just,I just miss him. And it's pathetic what I've been reduced to.
Don't think for even a second that I managed to fight my urges. No. I woke up in the middle of the night and went to his house and knocked on his door. No answer. Then I started banging on it. No answer.
I sprinted down the stairs and made a round to look at all his windows. All the lights were off. Did I fight the urges when they told me to go back the next day? No. I went back the very next day and I was told that he left. A couple of days prior,and if he doesn't come back soon to renew his lease- he's probably never coming back.
That information came like a slap to my face. I told him to stay away from me.
I never said forever. I-
See what I mean? Pathetic. All this in the middle of me being tried in court for association to murder.
"Are sure you're okay,Lewis?"Azaar asks me. I wish he'd just do his job and make sure my drinks keep coming. Not come up to the private room I booked in his club and keep taking peaks at me drowning in my sorrows.
"I'm fine."I grumble,laying my head down onto the table. I'm embarrassed enough.
"Should I call Kris to come pick you up?"
"Don't."I snap,looking up,"Say his name,I'm sick of it."First my mom and now Azaar. No one gave a damn about him and now when he's gone everyone wants to know where he is.
"...okay. But no more drinks."he says taking a seat across from me,
"Are you kidding me? I'm literally paying you for the most expensive alcohol and you're saying no? I'm a customer-"
"Yeah,right you are but you're also supposed to ths responsible one."Shane says from the door way. This day couldn't get any worse.
"Azaar,when the hell did you call him?"I ask,frowning at him,
"After your third old fashion."
"Three old fashions? That's a new low."Rowin says inviting himself in and getting comfortable,
"Please tell me you didn't bring a seventeen year old to a bar where there's alcohol."I say now actually getting annoyed at this bunch of nosy idiots,
"I mean,the legal age to have alcohol in Ferrez is seventeen,it's just he hasn't gotten his license yet- also the bar is already closed."Azaar explains taking a seat in the same booth across from me,
"Seriously?"I say,checking my watch to see that it is in fact,half passed eleven pm,
"Yeah,Elijah. Where the hell are your kids for you to be here?"
"Shane,I tolerate you every day of my life but don't bring my children into this."I say,wanting to get my money worth out of my bottle of whiskey only to get it snatched away from me. And the LED lights go from red to the sharp,resolute normal light ray that makes me feel like my eyes are burning and I'm in a morgue.
"Elijah,Shane might be harsh but you have to tell us where they are so we can make sure-"
"They are with they're grandmother miles away in England,Kane."I groan trying to snatch the bottle from him and he doesn't let me. I'd be so much more better at this if I wasn't... well drunk. Everything feels like it's spinning right now. Otherwise,I would mop the floor with him,
"Good. What's the problem then?"Azaar asks,dragging all my empty glasses away from me,
"I'll bet a lot of money that it has something to do with that weird red head."Shane says,adopting a dismissive tone as he leans back into his chair,
"I second that,"Rowin says sniffing,one of the empty glasses and making a disgusted face when it hits him,
"You have a lot to say for someone who could spend a night in prison if I call the cops."I snap,some of my words slurring making me look silly,
"Can you even... type right now?"Kane asks,pulling his long hair back to tie it into a weird looking bun. Frustrated,I try to stifle the scream of humiliation and anger that wants to bubble out of me. If I do,who knows what seedlings will erupt from their earth and shoot for the sky in response. "People cheat,Elijah. They lie and do bad things you can't let his betrayal destroy you-"
"He didn't cheat on me."I correct,
"Oh,I thought that's why we're here."Kane says,looking around for everyone else's reactions.
"... I'm afraid it's far worse."Azaar says,looking at me. They all expect my answer. Because they want to help me and I'm not used to this. I'm normally the one doing the saving and comforting.
I'm the put together one.
The older brother.
And here I am crumbling without being able to pick myself back together.
"Let me set the scene. More than seven years ago,a lie was presented to the media. The hoax that I was losing my reproductive ability inside and out-"
"THAT WAS A LIE?"they all say simultaneously and if they're not,they're gasping.
"... I thought you all knew that some poorly put together story of me having a surrogate was as fake as all of Kane's molars."
"Why am I catching strays?"Kane cries,putting his hand to his chest like he's hurt,
"What matters right now isn't all your mysterious cosmetic surgeries- it's that you-"Shane points at me with conviction,"Never thought to tell all of us,who you call brothers by the way,that it was all one big elaborate lie."
"It was ONE press conference that I didn't even attend. If all of you grown men never connected the dots,it's not my problem."
"Except it is! We trusted you."Rowin says,like I've done them a big disservice by not telling them about the mistakes I made,
"Well,back then I was a twenty something year old who had lost his father a few weeks prior and didn't want to go into explaining how I had two little boys. I was ashamed,frankly."I say and they all stare at me,
"Of what? Where did they come from then?"Shane says,despite everyone's efforts to silence him,
"If you had let me finish... I had gotten drunk one night and there isn't much to tell because I don't remember crap. I slept with someone and because I was so confused and scared,I just left. But I left him with a credit card and my number. I wasn't going to do the high and dry route no matter how bad I felt."A pause,for so long I haven't thought about it that much. I was stable. Getting my life to where it was always meant to be.
"And you had forgotten what he looked like?"
"When I woke up,he was showering is all I can remember. So I got my crap and left."I can remember the morning at the very least. I was embarrassed I never tried to recall the night before. But now when I think of the feeling of being in Kristian's arms,I wonder why I didn't equate the soft feeling to familiarity.
"Then?"Rowin asks,way too invested in the story,
"Then around eight months past,and after my coronation the Oris lit up again. Signifying that there were heirs somewhere. My mother grilled me until I told her the truth and she proceeded to search the city for them."
"Did she find them?"Kane asks. I look down and fidget with my fingers,
"Nope. I was making sure that a man who had been bitten by a dark creature was getting the treatment he needed so I ran into the hospital with him on my back. Then I felt the pull. All the way to where they were... then I just stared at them. Realisation dawning,looking at their tiny faces utterly terrified."
"Then I conducted an investigation and I never found him. When I tell you I turned the world upside down searching for him. I had never wanted to find just one single person so badly in my entire life but it had never been so damn hard. Until the rage fizzled and I gave up quietly. Sometimes when I couldn't sleep I'd wonder where he was and what he was doing. And one of those nights,it's almost impossible to think that he was right besides me."
A cruel laugh escapes me. Because I'd always thought that things were never realistic when Kris was around,I hadn't seen the half of it.
"So you found out it was him and then you two broke up? That's it?"Shane says it like he had predicted this a long time ago,
"I was so mad. I was screaming,confused. It felt like someone had reached inside my chest and ripped my heart out before stomping on it. Then I was just sad. Then I wanted him to talk because,you know what? I needed him to explain this to me. What happened because if his accident happened the same time he left... it makes me a terrible,terrible man. It makes me someone who didn't trust him."
"It's difficult to trust someone in that situation,Lewis."Azaar says,placing his hand on mine and I tense,
"Except I don't get a second chance! I don't get clarity,I finished us and the ending stays the same forever."I snap. I'd cry if I hadn't used up all my damn tears which is good in sense that I get to keep some semblance of dignity,
"What? Can you not find him... again?"Rowin asks,seeming sad,
"Yeah,do have no idea where he could be? Have you checked his apartment?"
"He's not there. I know where he is but how am I supposed to pretend that I can just go and find him."
"You're clearly not trying hard enough then."he might just be right.