♤SPRING SHIELD (MxM) ~fantasy~♤

What was I made for?

Kristian

It was less than three months ago that I decided to leave Tiliger and come to Ferrez in search of answers.
To piece together my past as best I could. I remember being on the train here and giving myself a pep talk,telling myself that it will be okay if I can't put everything together.
Now,I wish I never came here. I wish I wasn't influenced by whatever higher force made me leave my home town the first time around.
I wish I never searched the darkness to find the name of the faceless man in my dreams.
I wish I never ran after the feeling of betrayal to see what it means.
...I wish I never called after the cry of those newborns.
If I had never come here I wouldn't have known that Liam and Oliver have had to suffer so many grievances because of me. That they've lived such a miserable life all because of me. I want to run,so badly. Because I'm ashamed. I'm afraid of what I saw that night,of what WE saw. I keep replaying it in my head trying to think of a way it could all be a lie but it isn't.
It's true that these boys are mine.
How I never saw it is beyond me. Their eyes look nothing like Elijah's,they're not shaped like almonds but round,their not green but brown. And so many other small details that should've meant something. That should've told me that I was a fool all along.
That this is my doing. That I left them here. That I... I'm the villain.
I'm that man,Elijah has been searching for. I'm the person he doesn't want to speak about and yet he still told me to stay in his house.
He has no clue. Even now,today when there's a national emergency and everything has been closed down. Schools,roads and everything. There's a rift the size of a two story building smack dab in the middle of the high way.
Elijah left in the middle of the night and told me to stay here with the boys. I watched as he dressed as quickly as possible,his normal gear with more layers of protection. Wishing we could go back to when he didn't want this. When he didn't want us,gripping at the doorframe wanting to go back and not say anything to him that night. To have walked away.
When he finished he walked up to me and kissed me again. His eyes so full of admiration as he promised to be back as soon as he could.
I've thought about it. Thought about disappearing back to Tiliger,a place where no one knows but I know Elijah would find me. He would force answers out of me anyway he could and I keep running through all these possibilities knowing in the end... I'll have to tell him.
What becomes of me if I tell him? What becomes of us? I won't hope he'll forgive me because I know damn well he'll never.
I wouldn't forgive me either.
"Kristian,are you scared?"Liam asks me taking me out of my thoughts. It's a cold day,and the sky is grey. The both of them woke up late and in my state of misery I just gave them cereal. They spoon it into their mouths while I look at my own with disdain.
I feel sick. "No,sweetie. I'm not scared."
"Well,we're gonna turn on the news to watch dad soon. So if you're scared maybe don't come?"I don't imagine watching the news could be so terrible. I watched Elijah get pummelled to the ground by a seven foot tall creature and he seemed fine,
Begrudgingly I take a spoonful of soggy cereal,"It's alright-"before I finish my sentence I hear the sound of sliver wear banging against the floor along with sloshing.
I look up and find Oliver staring at the mess on the floor before getting up and trying to clean it. I stop him and do it myself. I can almost feel his eyes on me as I do,"I'm sorry-"
"It's fine,Oliver."
"I'm really really-"
"I said it's fine."I snap looking up as him. Then immediately I regret it when I see his scared eyes. "I'm sorry,I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you,it's not your fault. It's me,I'm in a bad mood."I say,covering my mouth as tears start to sting at my eyes,
"It's because you're worried about dad,isn't it?"
"I think so."I lie,finishing up with wiping the floor,"You guys can go watch TV. I'll bring you snacks soon,"
"Okay."Liam says oblivious to the other tensions in the room. I turn and look at Oliver,
"I'll finish up here,you can go play."there's a new dynamic that's been unlocked between Oliver and me,one of doubt. One of fear. I wonder if he'll break and tell his dad. I know I won't have peace each time their alone together.
But it's not his fault but mine.
Soon I join all of them in the sitting room on the couch where they actually turned on the news. Everything is being live broadcasted from a helicopter miles away from the actual danger. Then they zoom in with a camera and you can see dark creatures crawling everywhere.
Some are more wild than others. Smaller than others. But one bite,one second long contact can kill a human in seconds. Isn't it strange knowing that there's a parallel universe full of those things? Waiting to be realised upon the world and end us all?
Among all those hordes I can see someone. A person in a black cloak over their head hiding their true face. Standing in the middle of an ocean worth of darkness. The screen splits and the reporter shows up.
"Naturally caused rifts are what normally brings the avatars out but today their dealing with something absolutely horrifying. A leader of Dark Night,"
"...dark night?"I mutter as I stare at the screen,
"Yeah,it's group of bad guys dad hates. They open rifts on purpose."Liam explains staring at the screen like the sight is an average Tuesday occurrence.
"We like Lyria and they like the Dark Lord."are they actually people like that?
"Wow,so it's dangerous?"
"Super dangerous. Even grandad couldn't beat them."Ah,the other subject Elijah doesn't want to talk about.
If the godly Isaiah Lewis,father to Elijah,couldn't beat this so called group of bad guys... Elijah isn't safe is he?
Looking up at the small figures on the screen I wonder if he'll be able to fight through it.

________________

He's been gone for over twenty four hours. The entire city came to a stand still and the only people who are allowed to go outside are the avatars and special operation officers.
The world as we know it has been turned inside out. And the emergency ended two hours ago. Hundreds of casualties and a sorrowful amount of fatalities.
And he still can't come home because of the memorial he has to hold for the officers who died in the line of duty. It's not that I'm saying we shouldn't honour them,I'm saying he also has a family whose been waiting for him.
We've been rotting in this mansion for a whole day and a half. I learnt how to play chess from Oliver. I learnt how to play soccer from Liam. All while I wasn't taking years off my life wondering what he was doing. Whether he's on his last breath or on his way to his death bed.
I never thought his house could feel so suffocating.
Over an hour ago I watched the memorial service. He gave a speech,then gave stars of service to both Shane and Rowin,(whatever that is). An hour ago.
Does it take that long to get from the Hall of Oris to his house. I don't think so.
"Oliver,what else does your dad need to do out there?"I ask,not being able to contain my impatience as I do the necessary to make dinner,
"Maybe if he got hurt,he needs to go to the hospital."
"But your dad can heal himself,though."I say back,
"Not all the time. Other times he can get hurt,like if he's shot."
"Yeah,one time he got shot. He said he was fine but he looked like he was in alot of pain."I take a pause.
"When?"I ask,covering the pot so I can come and sit with them,
"When we got kidnapped."Liam says like it's a completely normal thing,
"That's why he got mad when you took us from school that day. He thinks that everyone will hurt us,"Oliver says as he fidgets with a lego.
Gosh,he's just so... hurt. The world has hurt him in ways that I can't imagine.
"I'm sure it was painful."I say,picking up a toy and squishing it,
"Yeah,but he didn't cry. He only ever cries when it's grandpa's memorial service."
"What are you guys talking about that you don't even notice me?"I look up and find Elijah at the door,taking off his shoes. Draped over his shoulder is a long green forest cape,and over his head is a crown making his royal aura stronger than it already was.
I'm still seated as the boys hug him. He's still in all the clothes he was wearing a couple of hours ago from what the brocast showed. I thought it was the camera quality or something,there's no way someone could look so polished,I thought to myself.
I was wrong. He does look that captivating.
Soon,he's done with his usual pleasantries and I don't know why I walk away. Back to the kitchen. I can hear him following me,feel his eyes on my back and why it's causing me so much panic is beyond me.
When I reach the stove,he stops along with my movements. His presence falling over my shoulders like an anvil,I flinch when he wraps his hands around my waist from behind me. Followed by his body fully up against me and his head lowered to rest on top of my own head. His chin weighing on my hair,
"What? You don't want to see me?"he whispers into my ear,making me suck in a breath. He kisses my temple,and nudges me. As if asking me to say something,
"... you'll make me burn myself,Lewis. I'm busy."I mutter,
"You'd talk if you knew how much I missed your voice."he sounds so tortured by my answer. But there's nothing I can do about that, "Let me go wash up."he says,his hands slipping off of my body as he walks away but his presence lingers in the air around me. As always,he can manage to be annoying even when he's away,
I let thirty minutes pass before following him up the stairs. I knock on his door and when I get no answer I groan and push the door open. Just a creak before another force goes all the way,opening the door fully,
Elijah stares at me while pulling the last bit of his shirt down,"Oh,"he says with a smug smile on his face before stepping forward and closing his bedroom door behind him. He reeks of his body wash which smells about as suffocating as his cologne. "I knew you'd come looking for me eventually,"he pinches my nose like I'm some sort of child,
"Can you not do that?"I snap,covering my nose with my palm,
"I'm afraid your too adorable for me to stop,Red."my eyes trail over his body and his short sleeved shirt revealing all the bandages on his arms. Multiple,all over his body. He notices my interest,"It's just for show. I put them on when I got hurt."he explains and  I look up at his eyes. What a bad liar.
"You just took a shower. Which means water and the bandages can't get wet,frankly speaking the look white as hell."I say,then he chuckles putting his hands up as if admitting defeat,
"You got me. It's just the bruises that I'm hiding,Red. Not wounds."
"Bruises so bad that you don't want anyone to see? Really?"he squints his eyes at me but I can still see the playfulness there. Like he's not taking me seriously,
"It'll take a while for them to heal. Otherwise I'm good,no need to worry."
"Worry? Why shouldn't I worry when you were just on thirty plus hour mission where you could've died."I snap,he takes a step closer to me and I take a step back. I can't help it,it's subconscious now.
"I'm trained for that,Red. It's my job."he laughs like it's so obvious. So simple.
"And what's my job? Waiting for you to come back from near death?"that sentence shuts him up and he watches me. As if he's analysing me,
"Are you two fighting?"I look down the stairs and find Liam watching us with a frown on his face,