Falling (a Heartstopper fanfiction)

Room

The four of them looked at each other in the hall. Charlie didn't know about Nick, but he had no further interest in going back to the party. He wanted to be alone together.

He looked up at Tao, who smiled, seeming to get the point. "Elle, you mind if I stay in your room tonight?"

"Mind? No, I suppose not." But she smiled, too, at Tao and then at Charlie. "We'll talk to Isaac, too, if you want."

"You think he's okay?" Charlie asked, looking anxiously at their friends. "He seemed ..."

"I know. He did. We'll talk to him," Tao promised.

"While we're convincing him to stay in our room," Elle added.

Charlie grinned at both of them. "Thank you. Um ... good-night, then."

"Good-night." They walked off, hand in hand, and Charlie turned to Nick, who was smiling at him.

"Shall we?"

"Oh, I think so."

They wandered through the halls together, stopping every so often to look at one another and smile. It felt like a dream to Charlie, his daydreams of what the Paris trip could be like. Nick couldn't seem to help looking at him, and finally he stopped walking altogether to wrap his arms round Charlie and hold him close.

Charlie buried his face in Nick's shoulder, smelling his familiar scent, so happy.

Then Nick pulled away. "All right." He bent to lift Charlie by the knees.

"What are you doing? No!" He held on as Nick tossed him over his shoulder like he weighed nothing at all, laughing. "Don't drop me!"

"Nah, I'm not gonna drop you." Then he almost did, while Charlie grabbed the backs of his knees. "Ooh, whoa. Okay." Nick shifted him, without ever putting him down, until he was riding on Nick's back instead of over his shoulder. Much more comfortable, and it was nice to be able to see where they were going. "Is that comfy? There we go. That's better. All right. Now. Can you remember where we're meant to be going?"

"We are going that way." Charlie pointed.

"That way?"

"That way."

Nick looked in the other direction. "I'm sure it was that way."

Charlie laughed. "No, it's definitely that way. It's that way."

Following Charlie's directions, Nick got them back to their room, shutting the door behind them, then turning to look at Charlie.

"You came out to a room full of people," Charlie said, so proud and happy.

"Yeah. Yes, I did. Do you think it's going to get passed around, like— Do you think everyone in school's going to know about it?"

Charlie kissed him on the cheek. "Yeah. Probably." He tugged Nick's jumper off over his head.

"I think I'm okay with that." He sounded like it, too, which Charlie was glad about. He wanted to be happy about Nick coming out, and not to have to feel guilty about it. "Nervous," Nick added, "but ... we'll be okay."

"Yeah." Charlie ran his hands over Nick's shoulders, and then they held each other tight. When the hug eased, they stood there in each other's arms, looking over at the beds. "Since Tao and Isaac are staying in the girls' room tonight, I could ..." Charlie bounced down on Nick's bed. "Sleep in here? With you?"

Nick was leaning against the wall, his hands in his pockets. "Well ... in that case ... I think you're going to have to move over, 'cause that's my side of the bed."

"Well, I got here first, so ..."

"Did you now?"

"Yeah."

"Hmm. Okay."

And suddenly Charlie was being smushed underneath his giant rugby idiot of a boyfriend. "Nick! You're crushing me!"

"What are you going to do? It's my side!"

"Tickle you! Absolutely yes." He stuck his hands under Nick's arms and suited the action to the words.

"Don't you dare!"

"Tickle you!" It wasn't often Charlie could take physical advantage of Nick, but tickling worked sometimes.

Nick looked down at him. "All right, we're going to have to fight. We're going to have to fight."

"Okay. We can fight."

They rolled over together, wrestling and tickling, using the pillows to bash at each other until Charlie managed to dump the pillow over the side and pin Nick's arms down over his head.

"This is unfair," Nick complained.

"Do I win?"

"I guess so."

Nick sat up, and Charlie sat back, still in his lap, cupping Nick's neck in his hands, and kissed him. Leaning back, feeling the gentleness of Nick's hands on his back, seeing Nick's mussed hair and hazy eyes, Charlie dipped his head, whispering, "Payback", and kissed Nick's neck.

At first, Nick's hands closed on the back of his shirt, but then Charlie could feel him tensing in the wrong ways. He looked up, concerned. "Is this okay?"

"Uh ... yeah." But Nick's eyes were wide, and it was clear it was not okay.

"That didn't sound very sure."

Nick licked his lips, looking for words. "Uh ... Sorry. Um ... I—I do like it. It's just, um ... I'm—I'm not sure I'm ready to do anything more than kissing." He looked nervous even saying that much.

Charlie realised that, here alone all night, in a bed that they intended to share, Nick might have gotten the impression that he might want to do things that were far beyond a little making out. "No, I ... I didn't think we'd do ... that ... right now," he clarified.

"Oh." The relief on Nick's face was obvious.

Climbing off Nick's lap, Charlie retrieved the pillow and lay down on it. Nick lay back as well, looking up at the ceiling. "I do ... I do want to," he said.

"Yeah. Me, too. Eventually."

"Yeah. Same." Nick's hands were restlessly moving over each other, like even this conversation was more than he was ready for.

Charlie sat up. "And ... I'd only want to do it if you did, and ... if you didn't ever want to do it, then I wouldn't, either." He wasn't entirely sure that was true, but he wanted Nick to know that Charlie was not going to pressure him. Ever. Then he smiled. "That sounded really cheesy." Nick laughed, and Charlie crashed into the pillow. "Oh, I'm so embarrassing!"

Nick rolled onto his side, saying into Charlie's ear, "I think we both are, to be honest."

"Why are we like this?"

Chuckling, Nick said, "I have no idea."