Dil Nihaad | دٍل نٍہاد

36 - DIL NIHAAD 🌸

- Amna -

Expectations, responsibilities. Fear, hope. anxiousness, nervousness. The thumping of my heart, the chaos of my mind. 

The month, passed by like a strike of lightning. And now, I was, dressed in this gorgeous gown as someone's bride. 

The past, screaming at me. The future, staring at me. And the present, ready to lead me through. But, through what, when I had no idea about the path, I was going to walk on?

I couldn't recognize myself. I wasn't, Doctor Amna Suleman Farooqi. I couldn't remember the woman before me. Who am I? I am not the woman, I worked on for... I was not the woman, I wanted to be... Who was I? Someone's bride, or a joke?

Somewhere in my heart, in my mind... I knew that, nothing could be perfect, and... One of the things was this day. My wedding day. A day, every girl, dreams of and anticipates that it is going to be the best day of their life but, it wasn't the same for me. For a girl, who has a past like me... Fear, darkness, voices that refuse to leave their mind... I was that. I was that girl. I am, that girl. I was ruined, my future was ruined. That filthy touch. That horrendous feeling, that lurked around me... I couldn't be pushed away. 

I exhaled a deep sigh.

Maybe... Or, either... This wedding could change what the future might hold and, bring peace to my life or either... This wedding could ruin everything and, bring darkness to my whole world. To everyone around me. 

That day, I thought I could, end it all for good, but no... I couldn't. As if, something pulled me back and told me to live. Live for me. Live for those, around me. Nothing, except my family, mattered the most to me. If I had to save the world or my family, I would let the world go to hell and save them. 

Baba, Ami, Bhai, Ali, Eman, Chachi, Chachu... Maryam, Lubna Phupho, Azeem Phupha, Zain... I knew my family was big. It was big... But, that's the best part of it. I loved it. I was glad, that Allah gave me, a family, this huge, this many people to love... And care for. 

There was one person I forgot to add. Azlaan Bhai... He was, something else. Abd-ar Rahman Bhai was cold, stoic, serious, stern... Zain was too but, something about him... It was different. He was, different. The lack of emotions on his face, the cold gaze, those dark piercing eyes. Ever since I've returned, I felt like, I was being pulled by a force, towards him. Why? I had no idea. But he was beyond, anyone's expectations. It was hard reading him and knowing what he was thinking. 

But, well, here I am... Standing in front of a mirror, staring at myself, all dolled up to be someone's bride. I could only pray for the best and for Allah to help me. 

I've shed enough tears, I don't want to cry anymore.

...

"Api..." My head turned as I heard Eman's soft voice from behind me. 

[ Sister... ]

Turning my head, my gaze landed on her, peeking through the door. Upon seeing me turn, she finally emerged from behind the door, all dolled up in her sage green lehenga and that soft makeup on her skin making her look gorgeous. One day... She'll find someone who'll love her too. To take care of her delicate and fragile nature. 

"Hmm?" My humm broke the silence as she walked up to me, her neat and slightly curled hair falling over her back as she smiled, brightening up her already glowing face.

"Boht piyari lag Rahi hain ap." Ah, Emi... My little girl. I smiled back at her softly. That freaking urge to cry...  I gulped down those tears as I cupped her face.

[ You look gorgeous. ]

"Tum bhi... Boht piyari lag Rahi ho..." My bangles clinked as I cupped her face, my mehendi designs filling up the emptiness of my hands