When I had changed

Tris

I feel something wet land on my cheek but when I try to wipe it away with my hand  can't move. The wetness on my cheek increase and I try so hard to move my hand. Everything around me is in darkness but I can see a light. Like a end of a tunnel. pulling me closer.

When I was ten my grandmother once told me 'Life is a one time offer, use it well'. But I don't think I have used it the way she would like it. I have dissapoint most of the people around me. My mother, my father, my grandparents, my brother, Tobias and my friends. I never become what they expected me to be. I never was the sweet little girl my father wanted me to be. So I never used life as a one time offer. I was dying multiply times and every time I come back and got another chance of screwing up. Another chance at dissapoint my family and friends.

At the age of fifteen I knew exactely what I wanted with life. I would marry Tobias. We would have a sweet house at the end of the street with a big garden where our kids could play. I would be home most of the time taking care of them and Tobias would work wherever he wanted. We would be in love until the end and I would die in his arms. This never happened. It was just a dream of a teenage girl. A teenage girl who's life got destroeyed a year later.

The darkness is scary. I try hard to open my eyeswhen a familiar voice talks too me

"Mommy... can you hear me?" her sweet voice asks and I feel something in my hand. As I once again try to open my eyes the light is closer and I know I don't want to die. I have everything I need here. I have Tobias. I have Alice. I have my friends. And we are a family. Our family

"Please wake up. I don't want you to die" My daughters voice says. I don't want to die either

The light is comming closer and I fills of panic. 

At the age of 20 I had ruined my life. I never thought I would come back from the loss. From the betray. From the hurt I was feeling. But somehow I manage to keep myself steady enough. 

Now the light was right infront of me and pictures and memories of my life was flashing infront of my eyes

My first kiss with Tobias. We were fifteen and was at once of the school dances.

The time I moved in with Victor

When I moved in with Eric

When I knew I was pregnant

All the parties I went too

Victors proposal

My depression

When I lost my child

The time I tried to kill myself

When I lost Victor

When Tobias told me we would be married

When Tobias left me at the altar

When I lost my second child, Stephen.

When Alice was born

When I returned to Tobias

When I got married

And then the light consumed me.