Keep An Open Mind {Lynn Gunn}

30) Just Wanted To Say "Good Night"

I was at my house, packing my stuff. My parents weren't home and it was probably the best of things. I had already called Justin, Brian and Alex and they all agreed on coming with me. Maybe if their parents were more caring, these guys wouldn't want to leave all their lives behind.

However, this was my last day to find my solution. And Alexa seemed the closest thing to it, the ultimate hope.

Earlier I asked Justin who was the little kid I met at Dr. Hoppus' studio, and since he was Hoppus' son he knew practically every patient. So I found out her name was Rena. I ripped a piece of paper from my notebook and wrote 'For Rena. I hope this will make you feel less lonely, it worked a little for me.' I didn't sign it though, it wasn't necessary.

I grabbed my plushie of Abraham, put it in a plastic bag and taped it, then went downstairs.

"Dad?" I called.

"Yes, Lynn." he responded, through a sigh.

It seemed like he was annoyed to see me, half of the time. Like everyone was sick of me, like they didn't know what to expect me to come up with now. Like they actually would've preferred to get rid of me than to have me wander around the house with some more 'childish shit'. I rolled my eyes and decided to ignore it.

"Can you do me a favor?"

"What is it?" he asked.

"I need you to bring this to Dr. Hoppus."

"You'll see him tomorrow." He furrowed his eyebrows, confused.

"Do it when you have time but do it. I can't do it myself." I insisted. he let out a sigh.

"Whatever it is, okay. I was going to talk to him eventually this evening, I'll give it to him." I frowned. He was gonna meet him today? Probably just to complain about me some more. I didn't care, I was looking forward to a new life and a new everything. And for once, my lifestyle wouldn't be wrong, it would be right into place.

I just nodded and hugged him. He seemed surprised.

"Are you... hugging me?" He asked, astonished.
"Yes?" he hugged back a little, but it was like the awkward 'pat pat' kind of thing people do when they either don't know how to react to a hug or just don't want to hug you.

"Okay. It just doesn't seem like you."

"Okay, it won't happen again."

"I didn't mean this."

"I did." I said, truthfully. "Bye dad." I ran back upstairs to avoid an argument.

I actually meant what I said. It was probably the last time I saw my father though, I wanted to savor the moment. Although I wasn't one for hugs, especially with my parents. It doesn't seem to make them feel comfortable either, we weren't exactly the happy family. I didn't even bother calling my mother, who was currently out for work. Maybe if they at least pretended to act like a real family towards me, I would've started to believe it myself. Perhaps I would've thought differently of them.

Perhaps I wouldn't have felt so alone.

I sat down at my desk and ripped another blank piece of paper from my notebook, to write a letter.

'Hey, I don't know how you're going to react to this but I hope you'll take it well. I just wanted to thank you for teaching me so many things, although I didn't realize you were teaching me them until now. I didn't realize you were helping me figure myself out so I'm glad we have met in the first place. Helping me with your positivity and all. Remember what I said about my dreams? Well, I just found out that I was right. It's not fantasy, it seems. And that's where I'm going now, knowing that you're the one I'll miss more. Thank you for being my kind of best friend even though we couldn't see each other often and if it somehow matters, I'll keep a spot in my heart for you. And knowing you, you'll do the same.