Sweet Dreams 「a Vampire Knight story」

Part Fifteen: It Just Got A Little More Confusing Than I Thought

I had been spending the past few days thinking. And going over all that happened. It was a lot. But I had to reconsider so many things. I had to put my emotions in check, and regain who I used to be. My original self. And I knew that would be different for Zero, especially if I was to also return my lost feelings.

Like my feelings for Ichiru. And Zero as well. And I needed friends, but I could never fit in with the Day Class. Suki and Aika were my friends, but they had no idea what I was going through. And I didn't really talk with them as much as I used to. But the Night Class was full of people who I normally spoke to. And it had some of my closest friends. Like Hanabusa. And I think that Hanabusa was one of the only people that I could really talk to right now. I needed someone on the Vampire side of town, but not someone with so many strings attached.

It was sunset. And that meant the Vampires were going to class. I left my dorm and went over to the gate to the Moon Dormitory. The rest of the girls had already left and near the gate, was Zero and Yuki. And I felt my heart tug a little. Zero smiled in my direction, but I spun around without taking much notice. I couldn't bear to talk to him now. I had to find Hanabusa.

I found my way through to find Hanabusa, out of class, with the rest of the Vampires. Their indistinct chatter stopped abruptly when I stepped out of the trees.

"What do you want, Serena? Come to laugh in Lord Kaname's face again?"

Ruka held me in a tight grip by the throat and I could barely get enough air through. This girl had serious issues with Kaname. She had to get over him. Hanabusa and Akatsuki took Ruka off me, and I still couldn't breathe as properly.

"Ruka, Serena means no harm to Kaname. Or to anyone. Perhaps we should hear her out first."

"I actually just wanted to speak with Hanabusa. If that's alright."

"What's wrong, Sasaki-san?"

"Yuki didn't tell any of you of what happened?"

"Did Zero do something to you?"

I shook my head lightly. Yuki could never hold secrets like this. Why didn't she tell anyone? Did she tell Kaname? Probably. Most likely. Absolutely. Certainly.

"Hanabusa, can I please just tell you in private?"

"Of course, Sasaki."

"And you don't have to call me Sasaki-san. I already told you, call me Serena."

We hid behind an aged oak tree and sat down on the ground. It felt so normal for me to be doing this. Just hanging out with Hanabusa. And just talking. It felt like it was supposed to happen.

"I'll start from the beginning. And I am probably going to start talking about my feelings right now, so please bear with me. I've been feeling a little out of order, recently. And I knew I had to do something about it. So when the rest of the Night Class came back, I sort of freaked out a little and I told Zero and Yuki, that I needed some time. Time to think. Because this isn't who I am really. It is me, but I've grown so soft and emotional. I used to be fearless and no one could ever dare take advantage of me. But that was also the way I lost him."

I had to stop talking when I noticed drips of tears rolling down my cheeks. Because of my tough go-getter personality, Zero and Ichiru found me way too rude and aggressive to be friends anymore. And so they stopped talking to me. Well, a lot of other things contributed but it also happened after my father's death. I felt myself sink into Hanabusa's cradle.

"You know what I think, Serena? I think that this is who you are. Who you used to be. And maybe that's your original personality. But that doesn't mean you're weak or miserable at all. You just have different sides to yourself. A tough side and an emotional side. And I think that's wonderful, Serena."