MASCARA

Chapter Twenty One

This chapter is dedicated to the thousands of you have read this book. When it first began, I had no idea that it would have this kind of success, so, thank you. Also, thanks for sticking with me after this unplanned hiatus.

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Weeks had gone by since Nana Mae's birthday party and things had went from easy and laid back to hectic and chaotic. The wedding was now days away and to say I was nervous was an understatement. It seemed like the closer we got to the wedding, the more my nerves seemed to be on edge.

I was currently having breakfast with my Nana and Carol. It was such a simple gesture, Carol inviting us over, but it gave me something to do besides stress. A break was needed for all of us after these past few weeks.

Now, I was surrounded by two of the most important women in my life and in the past few months I've gotten what I've always wanted; a family.

"I can see the nerves shooting out of you, Katana. Breathe, darling." Carol says placing her hand over mine and squeezing it.

"Aren't they flying everywhere?" My Nana asks jokingly,"Why are you so nervous?"

"Why am I nervous? I'm getting married in less than a week, what if I'm not a good wife? What if he changes his mind?" I asks nervously, the thought nearly making me vomit.

"Honey, he is not leaving you. You and him are incredible, far more wise and loving than David and I were when first became engaged. I believe that you're going to make a great wife and mother. Don't worry." She replies to me calmly.

"I just want to be everything for him. I want to be his home, his friend, and his comfort. I want to be there for him always. What if I'm getting myself into more than I can handle?" I ask softly, trying to control the tears that threaten to spill out.

I had always had this idea in my head about my marriage. I always believed that the woman was supposed to go the extra mile for her husband, I got this chill thinking of it being any other ways my mother hadn't gone the extra mile and we saw how that turned out. I just want to be his everything, make him proud to have me.

"You have to realize something right now. This marriage does not revolve around him. He is not God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit himself. You're vows say love and protect not coddle and worship. You do not have to bend or break yourself to be loved by him, he already does." My Nana says hugging me close and I allow the tears to flow freely.

"You do not have to bend or break."

I repeat the phrase in my head over and over. I don't have to change to be loved, he already loves me.

The breakfast continues on for awhile. I was grateful to both women for teaching me so much in such little time. The idea of being a wife is scary but I know that it's the right thing to do. I get to marry the man that I'm deeply, madly, crazy in love with and that in it self is a blessing.

After breakfast I decided to go visit my daddies grave, I hadn't done it in a while and for some reason it had been on my mind all morning.

I shut the engine off and climb out of the truck. With my flowers in hand, I sit down on the cool, damp grass in front of his headstone.

"Hi, daddy. I've missed you." I say placing the flowers beside me and leaning on to his headstone.

"I'm sorry that I've been away for so long. I've been busy, you told me to carry on with my life as normal as possible, I did. I'm getting married in a few days. His name is Jay, I'll bring him by sometime. I remembered what you said."

~flashback~

"Kay." My father said for the first time in weeks, he hadn't spoken since his stroke.

"Yes?" I asked eagerly, praying for more words to follow.

"Promise me something, yeah?" He said and I nodded.

I watched him swallow and he turns to me and grabs my hand.

"Be okay for me. Get married, have kids. Be okay. Promise me that."

The tears flowed from my eyes quicker than I could wipe them away because I knew what was going to happen next. I knew and I couldn't stop it.

"Promise."

"I love you." He said.

"I love you more." I replied grabbing him closely and kissing his cheek.

I didn't let him go until I had no other choice.

~end~

"I'm okay. I see Nana Mae more now too. I'm not shutting her out anymore. I'm not mad either." I say, breathing aloud, feeling my body go lax.

For a moment, it doesn't feel like a headstone, it feels like my dads warm chest. For a moment, I can smell his after shave and I cry silently, praying that I get to keep this feeling for a little longer.

"I forgave momma, I hope you did too. She doesn't deserve a place in our heads and hearts anymore." I say before standing and brush my self off.

"I'm gonna go now, but these are for you. I'll see you later, dad." I say planting a kiss on the headstone and leaving.

Th drive home was calming and by the time I made it there I was in such a good mood.

Placing the key in the door, I noticed that it was already unlocked and pushed it open.

The sight in front of me nearly stopped my heart.

"What the hell?"

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Uh oh. What's going on? Haha, I love cliff hangers!