FUCKING BRENDON POV HELL YEAH
this is so long my hands hurt
("**********" is a flashback or dream)
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Brendon's POV
I wanted the voices to stop. I really did, but they wouldn't stop. That's why I was in this fucking place. Because I was a freak, and freaks don't deserve to be happy.
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Brendon talk to me
"Leave me alone, Dan"
I'm sorry
"You should be it's your fault they call me a freak"
No it's not Brendon. It's yours. It always has been
"WE AREN'T THE SAME LEAVE ME ALONE"
I started banging my head against the wall to get him to stop. I wanted him to stop. This isn't my fault.
"SHUT UP. bang. SHUT UP. bang. SHUT UP."
My mom rushed into the room with tears in her eyes. You did this. Look at her your mother. You made her cry you freak.
"I DIDN'T TRY TO. I'M SORRY"
She looked at me with a pained expression. And I could never forget the words that left her mouth, even if I tried.
"I'm sorry Brendon but I can't do this anymore. I can't raise a freak of a son, I can't. I'm sending you away, to a mental hospital. I hope that you can get better one day, and we can have a normal relationship." And with that she walked away, no I love you's or I'm sorry's, just walked away.
Freak.
**********
I let out a pained scream as I woke up from my nightmare, it's the same one every night. I'm talking to the voice in my head, Dan and then my mother tells me she's going to send me away. I wish it was just a dream, but it was a memory. The one I am reminded of every night.
Dan's always there to tell me it's okay. But sometimes, Dan tells me bad things, he tells me to kill myself, that I'm a freak. And sometimes I believe him, and I stand at the roof and wait for him to tell me to jump. He never does. He tells me that he's sorry and that I need to wait because something good is going to happen soon. So I never jump. Because Dan is my best friend.
I do have other friends, Josh, Tyler, Patrick, and Halsey. There nice to me, except for Josh. He's mean sometimes. I know he doesn't mean it, that's how he is. Just like me. Tyler is anorexic, I have to make him eat but he never keeps it down. It makes me sad that such a nice person is like that, but that's just how he is. Just like me. Patrick thinks he's in a band with three other guys. I don't blame him, this worlds a mess. So he continues living in another world. But he can't help it, just like me. Halsey has OCD, and is constantly checking to make sure things are alright. She wants what's best and she can't help it. Just like me.
I don't think that we should be here we aren't dangerous, just different. Just because we aren't normal doesn't mean we are less than of what someone who doesn't hear voices, or eats regularly. Our minds are sick but that's okay, why can't anyone else see that?
I don't understand why they don't let me have a roommate. Josh and Tyler are roommates, and Patrick and Halsey are roommates. They say I'm alone because I could hurt other people, but I would never hurt anyone. Other than myself of course. Dr. Gaskarth and Dr. Barakat said that they would try and get me a roommate soon but that won't happen. Everyone here is afraid of me, thinks I am insane, and I might be. But they could still give me a chance.
I looked out the window to see the sun coming up, I sighed. My thoughts kept me up all night. Again. I closed my eyes and waited to be taken over by sleep once again with the hope that somehow, tomorrow would be a better day.
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I'm sorry if this chapter was jumping from one topic to another or he sounded like a little kid and you didn't like it, I just wanted to portray what brendon's mind was like as much as possible :)
