It's complicated

Chapter 19

JJs POV:

Its now 3AM and I went out of bed so I could sit on the sofa. I just couldn't sleep so I decided to turn on a movie, I mute the TV and just breakdown. I took w pillow and put one of Derek's shirts on it so I could cuddle it, I wasn't the bestest of friends with him but this just hit me hard. I hear Spence walk in but don't stop, I just sit balled up in the couch wallowing in pain and misery.

"Jayge?" He asks in a soft tone

I gasp for air "I-I-I just miss him, sooo much!" I say in between tears

"I know J, we all miss him" he says with a lump in his throat

"I um, I was working on my speech"

*fast forward to the funeral which is a week later*

"Hi" I say quietly "Um Derek? If I were to describe Derek it would probibally take days! But I won't, I won't say some bullshut poem. I'll speak from my viewpoint. Derek Morgan was one of my colleagues, he was a friend and most importantly he was my family. I loved Derek like he was my big brother, he was always looking out for me. I feel like we should move on, never ever forget. Thats the thing, people think when you say move on that you mean to never talk or think about them again but it doesn't. I moved on from my sister, Rossalyn. It doesn't mean that I've forgotten about her, no. I think about her every single day of my life as I do with Morgan. I don't think I'll ever repair fully from this, I'll never be whole quite again. But I can try to mask through what seems like a never ending pain. I can try to fight, fight for Derek" I say now with tears in my eyes "Thank you" in a low croaky voice and fastly walk over to where Henry and Spence are standing.