Get it Together, Sam (Lesbian Story)

Chapter 17

Alicia

Spring Break is finally here and I didn't tell Sam that I would actually be going off to Toronto on my own. What she doesn't know is that I'm going there to audition for York. After all the craziness, I forgot to tell her all about it. As soon as I get word that I've been accepted then I'll tell her, I just don't want to get her hopes up. And now that I know that she's been accepted to UBC, I know she wouldn't leave for me. How could she? She's been granted her wish, her dream. Also, would she be happy or unhappy to know that I'm leaving for good? That's the question I don't know if I'm willing to answer. Still, we're going to have to go through it sooner or later. It's just the matter of when.

I arrived in Toronto just a couple of hours ago and here I am in the hotel room, just waking up from my three hour long sleep. The flight wasn't that long, it was about five hours but it felt like forever. I have auditions at two o'clock and I already feel nervous. I have this weird feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I want to puke but at the same time there is nothing to puke. I don't think I've felt this nervous ever since I first kissed Sam. That's right; I really did like Sam even before that night we first kissed. I remember seeing her for the first time in the 9th grade choir and band concert where she played the clarinet and I was just so infatuated. I thought she was the most beautiful thing in the room, or even the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my life. Then my feelings for Sam were a little on and off because in 10th grade I met this girl named Eva in gym class. Eva was this girl with glasses and wavy hair that just hung perfectly down to her shoulders and I remember being obsessed with her. One time Eva asked me who I liked and I had to lie and say it was this one boy named Nick. He was repulsive. It was also quite hilarious that she never realized just how nervous I got every single time she was around. I always formed the most responses when she was around me. But then 11th grade came and Eva and I stopped talking, that's when I started liking Sam again, like a lot. So when that dare happened during Megan's 17th birthday happened, I was jumping for joy internally. I finally got to kiss the one person I really liked after such a long time.

*

"Hi, my name is Alicia." I say nervously to the scouts.

One of them put a hand up to stop me, not even looking up from his stack of papers on the table. "We know who you are. You're quite impressive. You've been dancing for ten years, member of your school's dance team and choir and every single visual performing arts group there is. We here at York do background checks on all of those who want to join our ranks."

I swallow down my nervousness and I stay silent.

"Now, let's see if you deserve to join us." The same scout says, lowering his hand and finally looking up at me.

"You may proceed." Another scout says.

This is the third day and third round of auditions. I've made it this far and I'm not going to stop now. I proceed to the stereo and I press play. An upbeat hip-hop song comes on and I synchronize my movement to it, dancing Matt's routine. I hate Matt but he was a hell of a dancer so I'll stick to his routine. Halfway the song, I become lost in it, I become the movements but as I was just getting to the good part a scout stops me.

"Stop the track!" He lifts his hand up once more.

I run to the stereo and press pause. I return to the red tape formed in the shape of an x in the middle of the room and I wait.

"You're good but we would like to see something more classical. Ballet, can you do that?" He continues to write notes on his paper.

"Um, yes I can." I nod at him.

Good thing I've been taking ballet since I was seven. This would turn out into a horrible audition if I didn't know what I was doing. I run back to the stereo and I put on another track, something a little more piano-y, something more for ballet, something slower.

I close my eyes and I take a deep breath. Once I exhale I commence. I dance and dance and dance. I feel nervous but I think about Sam and her smile and I keep it under control. She is the only thing keeping me from throwing up all over the place right now.

The track ends and silence fills the room. The only sound is coming from the scribbles of the scouts' pencils. I count the seconds that pass before they say anything. One... two... three...

Two hundred and ninety eight... two hundred and ninety nine and three hundred... Exactly five minutes have passed. When are they going to say something?

"Alicia." The scouts look up at me.

"Yes?" I stand in attention.

"That was great, thank you." They look back down at their papers and dismiss me.

So did I do well or did I just blow it?

I still have three more days in Toronto. I might as well enjoy the rest since I know for sure that I'm not going to get into the university that I wanted.

*

June – Alicia

"I'll call you later." I say as I kiss Sam on the cheek before she drives home.

"Okay, bye." She smiles at me as I close the door to her car and I walk to my front door, backpack in hand.

It's been three months since the auditions and I still haven't heard from the scouts. I've already given up on the idea of going to York and I've applied at a bunch of different universities here in BC, including the one that Sam is going to. Of course, I never told Sam any of this. I just don't want to worry her. I should've probably told her about the auditions but there's really no point since I didn't get in anyways.

I step into my house and my mom is sitting on the couch holding a letter. My eyes open wide and I stop to take a breath. Could it be the letter of acceptance for York? My mom smiles at me.

"Well what are you waiting for? Open it?" She pats the spot next to her on the couch and hands me the letter.

I open the letter and read its contents. Finally there they are, the words saying, "You have been accepted..." I'm going to York. I can't believe it.

I do have a problem now though. Graduation is in a few days and I don't know if I should tell Sam now. We've made so many plans to spend the summer together and basically the rest of our lives together. Telling her about Toronto will definitely crush her heart. I can't keep this a secret otherwise I'm just a hypocrite for keeping a secret from her like the time she kept her kiss with Megan a secret from me. God, why didn't I just tell her sooner?