Fandom Imagines.

#3: Guardian Angel-Castiel

IMAGINE THIS.

Failure was like being weak, but the sadness that came with it was worse.

You would have described it like a punishment by a thousand paper cuts, for every time you remembered it was another cut to your already damaged mind. It wasn't exactly enough to kill you off completely, but over time it just hurt more and more. A black mist had settled over you and refused to shift, and no matter how bright the day you would not feel the Sun's heat. For, right now, you felt so lost, lonely, to the world that nothing would bring it back to focus. It was just the memory of it that was so inked in black that also hurt you.

You had failed, and all it had been was a normal day at work with the Winchester's. You'd met them a few years back, saved them from a witches' curse and ever since then, there hasn't been anyone else but you, Sam and Dean. Life with them was, well, erratic, complicated and just full of tears, but they were always there. No matter how many times death tried to take them, Sam and Dean were going to find a way to crawl out of the depths of hell no matter what. In a way, you felt like a Winchester and you belonged, that was until you went on a hunt with them a few hours earlier.

You sniffled, turning into your pillow and burying you face into it. Thick droplets of tears rolled down you cheeks, leaving agitating salt tracks. When you cried it was never just a trickle, it never even started in you eyes. It always began as a dreadful feeling inside the rib cage and a sadness inside the brain. The leaking water was a only a blessed release in some ways, it was one way your body choose to cope and in another way, it was also to communicate, whether you wanted to or not. But now, alone in the darkness, crying was hard. It wasn't a quick relief, not even a painstakingly long process of confusion, denial, sadness and anger. The darkness only suffocated you and the tears dripping off your chin.

"Stupid, stupid." Your voice came our hoarse, croaky. You shook you head, covering it over you arms as if you didn't want anyone to see this.

There was someone there. You froze for a moment as a floor board creaked before sighing tiredly, turning on your side to face them. "Go away, Cas." You whispered, embarrassed, pulling down you loose tank top as you sat up on your bed.

Castiel had joined the "team freewill" as Dean had called it, at least two years ago. Since then a lot had happened but like always, you all pulled through. To you, Castiel meant something more than family. You wanted to go as far as more than a friend but the thought was always hastily pushed to the back of you head. Cas wouldn't ever lower himself to such things, especially for you. You quickly rubbed away some stray tears, staring at him as he stood at the foot of you bed.

The angel frowned, taking a step towards it, his hand out-stretched in hesitation. "It wasn't your fault, you didn't know."

"Right." You laughed humorlessly, more tears falling from you eyes as you blinked,"Cas, I nearly let that spirit kill Sam."

He tilted his head, a pitiful smile on his lips. "You tried to stop it."

"Yeah, but that didn't stop it from seriously hurting him. Did you hear what Dean told me? He said,'Stay away. You done enough damage'." You held yourself, looking down as your voice now dropped to a whisper,"I have. He's right." Your quiet voice slithered through the tense air and settled there.

"Y/N." Castiel stated sternly, his fists clenched,"It wasn't you fault. Dean will come around and Sam didn't hesitate to forgive you, you're like family to them."

You glared at him through teary blurred vision, anger flaring up deep inside as you hissed out,"That's not the point though, is it? I've never let them down like this before. Never. Everything I've done, I've done for them. Now that this has happened, they can never fully trust me again!" You covered your mouth with your hand before could you say more, you voice had begun to shout towards the end.

Castiel licked his lips, silently walking around the edge of the bed. His eyebrows pulled together as if he was confused at his own actions before he gently settled on the edge of the bed just before your feet. He clasped his hands together on his lap, smiling sadly as he lifted his gaze to your's. "You're only human."

You laughed, it sounded forced and shaken but at least he had gotten a small giggle out you lips. He watched you, transfixed, he looked at you as if there was only you and nothing else. Your cheeks burned and you silently thanked God that it was dark. After a while, when the tears had partially ceased, you sighed and shook your head,"Cas, do you think Dean will really forgive me?"

"Absolutely, Y/N." Castiel replied without a seconds hesitation. You nodded silently, picking at a loose string from your flannel shorts. An almost comfortable silence settled in the room, a small bubble of peace falling over Castiel and you as you stayed silent in companionable company.

"Sleep."

You looked up and arched an eyebrow,"Huh?"

Cas tilted his head, looking at you up and down in a concerned manner, you blushed. "Y/N, you're tired. You must sleep."

You ran a hand through your hair, fingertips brushing against you scalp stressfully. "Cas, I don't I can. The dark..." You wanted to squirm underneath his curious stare,"...It's just stopping me somehow. It's like it suffocates me and there's something...always watching me, even when someone is actually here." You bite you lower lip, ducking you head.

Castiel gently nudged up your chin, his thumb pulling you lip away from your teeth tenderly as he gazed at you, concerned. He frowned, his eyes flickering down at you lips in thought before he gave his head a slight shake and met your wide eyes. "You don't need to worry, I'll stay, I'll watch over you. Guard you." Castiel's hand retracted away, your skin missing the softness of his hand.

"T-thank you, Cas." You murmured gratefully, glancing down to your hands.

Castiel smiled ever so slightly, "Sleep." He told you quietly, his voice soothing.

You nodded meekly and moved away, curling up on the bed as your head dropped with a soft thump on the pillow. You wanted nothing more than to be enveloped by the warmth of silence. You never would have thought silence would be considered warm but there you were laying in bed prepared to be swept away by the hope that you sleep would bring you at least eight hours of peaceful ignorance. Your eyelids were heavy weights, urging that you sleep but there was something else. It wasn't just the silence that was warm. Through the haze of thought, you faintly registered two arms wrap around you waist and shoulders. A soft wall pressed against you back, a faint thudding coming from deep inside.

Cas...

He must have decided to keep you company. You smiled faintly, shifting so that you were turned into his chest, you could hear his heart beat, strong and without falter. It beat so loudly that it seemed to want to escape his chest, to flee his rib cage entirely. Your head rested against it, the soft cotton material of his shirt pressing on your cheek gently, Castiel's chin on top of your head.

Before you fell completely into the world of dreams, you heard a voice, his voice. It was quiet but you could just about hear it. Castiel rested his lips on your forehead, murmuring in a soothing hum,"It only beats for you, Y/N. I hope you'll understand that one day. It has been swapped for yours if you want. I will always be here guard you and your heart. I know you're asleep, but I just needed to say it. I'll guard you."

And then you dropped into unconsciousness. You wanted to say the same, that you'd always guard his heart in return, but within your dreams Castiel was even there as well.

Oh, well, you thought lazily, I'll tell the real Cas when I wake up.