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19 - Birthday Girl

Face still impassive, he stood there without moving a single hair. But his eyes - in those I saw the emotions warring inside him - anger, pride, jealousy and hurt.

I was hurting too. Hurting over his comment, hurting over Jake, hurting most at the thought that any second now Ben could walk out that door and out of my life.

My lungs felt painful; taking a breath was like sucking in fire, the flames scorching me and leaping up my chest to lick at my heart.

Milliseconds felt like hours.

"My last girlfriend...cheated on me." His voice was so quiet I had to strain to listen.

Dammit. Stupid woman; what the hell were you thinking? I took a deep breath, in spite of the flames. "I'm sorry." I said softly, shaking my head a little. "But I'm not her."

His eyes bore into mine. I let him see sympathy and hurt but also resolution; we couldn't have a relationship if there was no trust, it was as simple as that.

A hand came up and ploughed through his hair then ran over his beard. A hand, I noticed, that was shaking. Oh God, Ben, please.

"No." My heart stopped. "No, you're not." I took a small, life-preserving breath; the one he took was deep and ragged and pierced my heart. "God, Cara, I...I'm sorry, I...I'm just a jealous idiot, I...can you forgive me?" His eyes still held a residue of pain but there was pleading and fear in there too and most importantly, certainty and trust. "Please, I...I had no right to speak to you like that, I'm sorry."

Oh, thank God. I stepped towards him, his arms opened then closed around me, holding me tight. I could hear his heart thumping and feel him shaking still; I pulled him closer and rubbed my hands over his back. "If it's any consolation," I murmured into his chest, "When Jake kissed me, I kneed him in the balls."

His rumble of laughter was the sweetest sound I could hope to hear. "God, I love you Cara de Luca!"

"Glad to hear it," I told him, lifting my head from his chest to smile at him. "So why aren't you kissing me already?"

He quickly remedied that situation - very, very thoroughly.

---

"All right, let's go over the ground rules one last time." Ben groaned and moved a hand from my hip to my breast. "Definitely none of that at the party, Cuddlebatch."

His grin, equal parts cheeky and seductive, got a few things to twinge that shouldn't be right now and I had trouble concentrating on what I wanted to say. I tutted at him but didn't make him move his hand. Well, not move it away anyway, it did move...um, okay, hmm, let's not get distracted. What was I saying? Something about...oh yes! Ground rules.

We were laying in bed after what was, if I'm honest, some pretty amazing make up sex - actually, can you call it make up sex when you haven't technically broken up to make up? Oh, who cares, it's all semantics. Soooo, um...rules! Yes, right. Although my birthday is not until tomorrow, tonight is my party, where all my aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers and grandparents would be gathering to celebrate the fact that I've gotten yet another year older. Hooray. What was different about this one is that Ben would be attending and therefore meeting my family for the first time - all of them, in one fell swoop. It had the potential to be a massive coup or a total disaster, depending on the toss of the coin, the luck of the draw, the spin of the...yeah, okay, you get it. Personally, I thought the odds were too even to call.

"You can kiss me on the hand or the cheek but not on the lips. You may hold my hand but don't put your arm around my waist. You've never seen the inside of my flat, let alone stayed the night. Don't swear or take Our Lord's name in vain."