How It's Going To Be [h.s.]

Chapter 29

{Harry's Point of View}

I placed my hand against the cold tile as the water from the shower poured over me. Steam and hot mist swirled around as I pushed my free hand through my wet hair. I could always think most clearly in the shower. Something about being completely alone made it easy for my mind and heart to speak as one.

A complexity of emotions had consumed me in the past few days. Typically before tour, I was impatient and restless. Sleep would evade me as my mind could only be bothered with excitement for the coming months. I would picture myself before thousands of fans and doing what I loved. This time was much different. My heart was torn in half; I wanted to leave as much as I wanted to stay. The thought of being without Kate drove me mad. The thought of rolling over in bed only to find I was on the tour bus and not next to her at home was disappointing. The thought of time zones separating us was disheartening. The thought of the rumors that would go ablaze any time I was seen in public without her was sickening. I just wish I knew exactly how it's going to be.

I was going to miss Kate. I was going to miss holding her hand and hearing her laugh. I was going to miss driving with her and watching films when we should be sleeping. I was going to miss kissing her and laughing with her. I was going to miss the electrifying feeling I got when my fingertips traced over her skin. I was going to miss having someone to really talk to. I was going to miss her.

A soft knock came at the bathroom door. "Harry?"

"Yeah?" I realized by my cracked voice and blurry vision that I had started crying.

"She's here," Kate said.

"I'll be right out."

I turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. I fumbled with a towel, wrapping it around my waist. I went over to the mirror and wiped some of the steam away so I could see my reflection. My face was red and blotchy from crying. I turned on the tap and splashed cold water on my face. I dressed and toweled off my hair a little. I tried on a couple of smiles in the mirror to see if I could be convincing.

My mum was sitting in the living room with Kate when I walked out. They were laughing at something and I lingered in the doorway to watch them. There was something pleasing about seeing my mum and my girlfriend getting on so well. I was lucky that I could have them both in my life.

"There you are," my mum stood up when she finally saw me.

"How are you, Mum?"

"I'm well, darling! How are you?" She walked up and brushed some damp hair out of my face. She kissed my cheek and beamed at me.

"Fine," I smiled. "Glad to see you again."

"Kate was just telling me about how much fun the pair of you had in Berlin. She told me you were sick when you were away. Are you feeling better now?"

I rolled my eyes and smiled at the concern my mother had for me. It was reassuring to have her still look after me though we didn't see each other as often anymore. "I'm feeling much better."

As we walked to the dinner table, I wondered if Kate had told my mum about nearly being attacked in Berlin. Just thinking about that ordeal made my stomach turn. I was still so angry about it happening. It also made me even more anxious about leaving Kate alone when I went on tour. How was I going to leave her?

We sat at the table with plates full of food. I put my leg against Kate's under the table. I felt a strange desire for constant physical closeness I had never really experienced before. I had never been so needy.