How It's Going To Be [h.s.]

Chapter 58

{Harry's Point of View}

                 

I grasped an entire rack of clothing in my hand and with every bit of force I could muster up, I shoved it to the ground. Expensive shirts, jackets, belts, and trousers fell to the ground in a heap. The metal rack clattered loudly and the top rod bent as it hit the concrete floor. I stared down at the pile of clothing incredulously. My anger was unraveling and becoming separate from me. It was acting on its own accord. I couldn't control it.

Glass soda bottles smashed to the floor with impressive drama. The remaining soda spread across the floor and disappeared under some of the clothing. A metal folding chair flew through the dressing room and collided with the back wall before scraping the floor. Part of the destruction satisfied me; a release of built-up emotions felt good.

"Harry!" Louis forced the door open. He stood in the doorway and surveyed the damage I had caused. The smashed glass and dented metal mixed with the soda-stained clothing littered the floor.

"What?"

"Are you hurt?"

I just ruined my life. I just broke two hearts. Of course I'm hurt. "I'm fine," I muttered. I looked down at my hand and saw a tiny shard of glass sticking into the skin. It hadn't drawn blood so I pulled it out and flicked it to the floor without a second thought.

"I heard glass breaking and so I thought maybe you had..." Louis trailed off. He didn't need to say what we both knew: I had lost it.

"Yeah, well, I'm fine. I'll call someone to clean this up."

"Stop," Louis sighed.

"What?"

"Stop pretending. Could you both just stop pretending! You need to stop pretending!"

"What do you mean?"

"You both sit around and pretend like perfect relationships exist. Well, they don't! You upset each other. You disappoint each other. You neglect each other. That's how real relationships work. With the good, there's bad. Have you both forgotten? Now look what you've done." Louis gestured around the room, but he wasn't referring to the mess I had made of the floor, he was referring to the mess I had made of my life.

"Well I guess there's no pretending any longer."

I had fought. I had fought for everything. I had not given up on Kate or on us. I had made sacrifices to keep us together. And I just let my temper—a fleeting moment of high emotion—take all of that away from me. I leaned against the wall and slid down until I sat on the ground. My breathing was erratic and I felt my chest tighten. I could hear my heart beating in my chest so loudly. Tears welled in my eyes and stung as they descended down my face.

"Haz," Louis said softly. He stooped to the ground and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm fine." I stood up out of his reach defiantly. I wiped my tears with the back of my hand. "I'm fine. I'm going to get my hair fixed. I'll be ready in a few minutes."

"Are you sure you're up for the concert?"

"I said I'm fine."

____________

                 

The concert drained what little life I had left in me. I spent the entire show trying to appear as normal as possible. I danced and sang and smiled and entertained the fans as if my heart wasn't heavy and angry and broken in my chest. Niall, Louis, and Liam took attention away from me as best as they could. By the time the lights dimmed and we were lowered below stage to the last guitar chord electrocuting the night, I was ready to collapse.