Off Campus | ✓

13.5: Ellie- Him

this feeling isn't healthy at all

****

I DIDN'T WANT to call it a crush...

That was the last thing I wanted. Just hearing his name made my stomach queasy unpleasantly.

But I couldn't stop thinking about him.

I never understood why my taste in for someone to be a significant other was fucked up.

I know, I know. That's honestly the most fucked thing about me, but what does a girl do when Seth fricken Rowland asks you if you wanted to go for coffee later?

Nothing.

That's what normal people would do, Ellie.

Yeah, well, I'm not normal...

And that was where the fault lies.

I knew deep down that if I were to indulge in his boyish charm, I would become completely fucked in the head.

A boy like Seth marked every box on my mental checklist. It was merely on my part for not wanting to go for him.

The day he asked honestly couldn't have been a more normal boring day for me: the same dragging classes, the same face Mila makes when she silently judges my choices from the night before, the same everything. Hell, even the tree that stood in the courtyard had the same discolored piece of gum ever since I've noticed it.

But I couldn't stop myself. I guess you could say I was intrigued.

Honestly, walking into the coffee shop next morning was the most nerve-wracking part of this "date".

I didn't expect it, but I did put in effort in making myself look good. So when Seth's eyes met mine, I noticed the twinkle from the overhead lighting.

And at that moment, I knew I fell for him.

It isn't really all that exciting. Falling for someone, I mean.

If anything, it made me more nervous and panicked if I were to make a fucking idiot of myself.

So as I slowly approached the table, I felt it. The hitch of my breath, the clumsiness that I try to hide, now in full force.

All the coherent thoughts in my brain have vanished. All because of that damn smile.

"Hey," he stands up, coming around to greet me. He hugs me and places his hand on my back when I pull away, leading me to my seat.

"Hi," I grin sheepishly, not sure what to say.

"Hi," he chuckles, sitting in front of me. "Thanks for coming."

"It's no big deal, what did you need?"

"We'll get to that later, is that's alright with you? I'm actually pretty hungry right now." Seth picked up a menu that was already placed in front of us. "I'm feeling pancakes, what about you?"

"They have pancakes here?" My eyes widen, picking up the menu hastily.

"Yeah," he laughs, noticing my enthusiasm. "This is a cafe, but they also serve breakfast items too. Like Starbucks, but local."

"That's a good way to put it," I mutter, my eyes scanning each page eagerly. I didn't know that I was so hungry until I opened the menu.

"Oh god, everything looks good." I groan, cursing myself for not bringing enough money.

"You don't have money?" Seth put his menu down and looked at me. "I can pay, that's no problem."

"No, it's okay. I have a credit card, but it's almost maxed out. I have to settle it with the bank later." I explain. "I have cash, but not enough. That's all."

"Consider it a treat from me. For coming here." Seth smiled. And God, what a smile. I could tell that this smile caused damage, huge damage. And for a girl like me, I could already feel myself being enchanted by his smile.

It was time to stop this. Before this goes too far, I have to. For my own sake.

"It's alright Seth. I'll just grab something later. If you're still going to eat, we can talk later. I just remembered I had to do something." I grab my purse and get off my seat.

"Ellie!" Seth shot up. "What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?" He came around quickly and stood in front of me.

"You didn't do anything, I just remembered I have plans. It's my fault for forgetting." I give him the fakest smile I've mastered over the years.

"Are you sure? You're leaving really early." He looked worried. "I'm sorry if I told you that, I'll tell you later. I should've made sure that you'd be free this morning."

"It's completely fine, Seth." I wave off. "We'll talk later about what you needed from me. I'll call you."

"Are you really sure you're not pissed?" He asks again. "Just tell me, I can handle the truth."

"It's nothing of that sort," I lie straight through my teeth.

"Okay..." Seth sighed. "Call me later and I'll tell you what I need to."

He came closer and wrapped his arms around my body, encasing me in his arms. I didn't feel my arms, but me being the idiot that I am, I patted his back. Patted his fucking back. God, Ellie, can you get any more awkward than this?

Wait, let's not answer that.

I pulled away and smiled.

"I'll call you later," my mouth pressed into a thin line.

I left the cafe feeling more confused, and that was the furthest thing from what I wanted.

I need to stay away from him.

Even though I could feel my heart slowly breaking as I approached my car.