Off Campus | ✓

22: Mila- Contemplation

if only things could back to the way they used to be

****

AMONG THE LARGE crowd of people, I struggled to pass through them. Even though I was among people, I couldn't help but feel more alone than I've ever felt in a long time. My ears were ringing and people's voices became white noise. I tried to slowly breathe and take in my surroundings but found it hard, feeling as if walls were closing in around me.

My breathing sped up and my palms became clammy. Sweat drips down my back as the sun pounded on my body, beating me up with its rays. I tried to find shade but found myself lost in the people. My only goal for the moment was to get away from him.

I should've known it was too good to be true. Guys like Enzo never change, and I was deluding myself thinking that he was different. I should've caught onto the red flags. I should've asked him to make it clear then simply declaring my feelings for him.

God.

I really fucking did that dumb shit.

Finding shade under a tree, I felt the sand crunch beneath my feet and I sighed. I should've known better.

Tears welled up in my eyes and I tilted my head up, chanting to myself that I must not cry. I have to hold it in. I cannot let this bring me down. My throats felt as if it were clogged and filled to the brim.

A wave of nausea overwhelmed me and I found myself feeling constricted again. I had to lean against the tree to steady myself and before I knew it, I was falling.

I hit the ground with a loud thump. My arm got scraped, and I heard a voice from the distance scream.

"Mila!"

My vision became blurry and finally, it became pitch black.

----

I woke up to the sound of hushed whispers. It seemed like the voices were far away, but as I cracked my eyes open, I saw the outline of two people. I quickly realized that I was in my room based on the painting that adorned the wall.

Enzo and Mrs. Garcia were pacing the room. Enzo was nervously biting his nails-a habit I noticed recently and Mrs. Garcia kept glancing at her phone every few seconds. Just then, she turned and met my eyes. She gasped and grabbed Enzo's arm. "Oh, she woke up!"

They both rushed over to my side. Mrs. Garcia was the first to speak.

"Mila, you don't know how worried we were!" She wiped a tear from her face. I struggled to get up because the moment I tried to, Mrs. Garcia pushed me back down. "You need to rest! The doctor told us that you had a panic attack. What happened?"

"I'd prefer not to talk about it," my voice was scratchy and hoarse. Mrs. Garcia immediately handed me a glass of water. Throughout the entire time, I looked at everything, except for my right. Enzo stood there silently, and from the corner of my eye, I saw him let out a huge breath of relief.

Mrs. Garcia waited for me to finish the glass before leaving to get a pitcher downstairs. This left Enzo and me alone in the room, and my resolve hardened.

"When I get better," I began, my fingers playing with the comforter's tag on the edge. "We'll go back to the way things were before. I will not acknowledge you and both of us will leave any memory we have of these past few days behind."

"I don't know if I can do that," Enzo quietly muttered. His eyes cast a forlorn look on his face and created a somber mood in the room.

He sighed and then left the room.

Maybe it was for the best things turned out this way.

----

The next day I woke up feeling a pain in my neck. Waking up to get water, I padded down the stairs softly.

I heard soft whispers from as I was coming down, and I paused to look around the corner of the stairwell.

There, I see Enzo sitting at the island in front of Mrs. Garcia. I could smell the fresh pancakes and went forward until I suddenly heard my name.

"I messed up with Mila," Enzo put his head into his hands.

"I'm sure you didn't Renzo," she said in a comforting manner.

"No, Mrs. Garcia." He burst. "I fucked things up by hiding the bet from her."

She flinched at his outburst but kept a calm face throughout. Once she finished with the last pancake, she came around and hugged him.

"You need to let her hear things from your side," she patted his back. "Just imagine if you didn't come, you wouldn't have met your estranged uncle."

"I'm so grateful to her for that," I saw a tear roll down his face. "I wish I never agreed."

"I know you messed up sweetheart, but did you try talking to her? I'm sure Mila will be understanding of the situation."

"I tried, and she ignored me. Today is the day we go back too, so I don't know how I can handle this much silence from her."

"She'll listen, Enzo," she hugged him tighter. "I'm sure of it."

Feeling confused with the wave of emotions, I go back upstairs to my room. I knew that if I decide to ignore what happened, I would never learn the truth as to why there was a bet in the first place. But then I thought that if I did acknowledge everything that has happened for two days, I would be left even more heartbroken.

I sighed, knowing that whatever I did next would change our relationship drastically.

"Mila?"

No, it's not him, Mila, snap out of it.

"Mila? Can we talk?" Shit, it is him, I thought I was quiet.

I turned around to see him leaning against the door. His posture seemed casual, but I knew that it was tense and waiting for my response. From the corner of my eye, I saw him walk towards me, carefully approaching me. His eyes were looking everywhere but mine.

We were so close by now that it felt like I was breathing in the same air he was exhaling from his mouth. His hands tucked a tendril of hair behind my ear before slowly cupping my face to see if I would pull away.

"Please talk to me Mila," he looked me straight in the eye. "If you feel that, I'm not worth forgiving, then don't, but please listen to what I have to say."

I nodded, not trusting what I could say if I opened my mouth.

"Seth was the one who came up with it at first. The entire point was that if I won, then they would have to get girlfriends. They knew I always liked you, but never went up to you. So they decided that this would be a type of push for me to take the first step. Please, Mila, trust me, I never intended to hurt you."

You know that moment where all you wanted to do was sit in a corner and cry? Well, that was me, except I didn't cry in a corner, no. I broke out a sob while Enzo's arms were still around me.

My body felt numb as memories of us together went through my mind. I didn't know what to think or say. All I did was cry and Enzo held me up. But there is so much a person can do.

Enzo moved us to my bed, and we sat on the edge of my bed.

"You really hurt me, Enzo." My voice hiccuped and my hands were shaking.

"I know," he whispered. He looked as if he was holding back and in response squeezed me tighter. "I shouldn't have hurt you. Is it possible for us to go back to the way things used to be?"

"I don't know."