next door » joshler [book #1]

fifty » words for murder & im every one of them

in all honesty, he should be dead by now.

tyler grips the wheel with his hands. his concentration is slipping, vision slowly turning hazy. the roads are nearly deserted. 

the moon is bright. a full moon. he thinks briefly that that might be a sign. sign of what? that he doesn't know. but it provides adequate lighting.

fuzzy voices come from the radio. it's on a channel that barely comes through. every couple seconds there'll be a song splicing in, a bit of a note or a sung word. usually it's some talk show. he doesn't listen, though. he's got more important things to focus on.

there's a note in his pocket, but he doubts anyone's going to find it, let alone read it. that's alright, though, because he's managed to sort everything out. finally. he's called everyone. he's told them he's going away for a while. said his 'goodbye's and his 'i love you's. it was unfortunate that his call to josh never went through, though. but that doesn't matter. not anymore.

it's three in the morning. he's drunk again. a bit less this time, but certainly too much to be out on the road.

his foot jerks downward on the pedal and he zooms forwards, knuckles and face paling. he's going to do this. he's going to crash the car.

come on, tyler. you can do this. just twist the wheel to the right. just yank it. there's no one around. no one will know. no one will care.

cause no one ever cared. you know that, right tyler? nobody cares about you. that's why josh left. that's why ryan doesn't look you in the eye.

stupid fuck-up, expecting everyone to just accept and forgive your mistakes. you're useless. come on! what are you waiting for? just do it. spin the wheel. what'll your fate be? c'mon. coward. it's now or never. now or never. go. go. go. go. go. go. go. go. go. go. go. go. go go go go GO GO GO GO GO GO!!!

tyler screams and flings his hands up. the wheel spins haphazardly and the car, still going impossibly fast, veers right. yes. good. hit the trees. go, tyler. go.

he grins and a wild laugh rips from his lips. his foot presses on the pedal sharply. the trees are flying up to him. he's seconds away from hitting them. "yes," he whispers, nearly hysterical. is it from laughter or oncoming tears? -that he doesn't know. maybe it's both.

his hand jerks into his pocket and curls around the note. his lips are just forming a word as the car finally reaches its destination.

crash.

-

josh's phone rings at six in the morning. groggily, he disentangles himself from mitch and answers it, careful to stay quiet. "hello?"

it's brendon. "come outside," he says, in a voice filled with anger and tears. it's almost heartbreaking. "now. please."

"the fuck do you want?" josh asks crossly. "i'm trying to sleep."

"it's tyler," brendon answers desperately, and josh's blood runs cold. that tyler. "he needs you. shit- i need you."

"for what?" 

"he's had an accident." brendon's words come out along with a sob. "josh, this isn't funny. this is serious. quit playing your fucking games. we need you. please. for tyler. for me. come outside."

josh lets himself smile as he says, "tyler? no, sorry. he doesn't matter to me anymore."

and as brendon starts to yell, he hangs up.

"who was that, baby?" mitch mumbles sleepily as josh sets his phone on the nightstand, turning it off, and snuggles back against his boyfriend.

"no one," josh beams, happy that he's finally rid himself of tyler. about time, he thinks. "no one important, that is."

he finds mitch's hand and laces their fingers together. and with tyler gone, he falls asleep with a smile on his face.