next door » joshler [book #1]

fifty five » okay actually like 2 of them hate me

brendon's face twists into annoyance. "so you see that he's fucking someone else, despite you running away with your ex, and you get jealous? what the fuck, dun? man up."

"s-shit," josh whimpers. tears threaten to spill. "brendon, i c-can't do th-this. huh-huh-huh-he'll hate m-m-me."

"since when do you stutter?" brendon grabs him by the shoulders. "joshua william dun. i did not wake up at three on the morning and drive twenty minutes just to have you wimp out on me. this is your fucking apartment too. look, i don't care if you're going to wait till morning. but you can do this. and you. fucking. will."

and the tears slip down josh's cheeks, but no one ever notices. mitch was the only one who did, but his reactions weren't the-

josh feels the wetness of his cheeks and flinches. "don't hit me," he sobs, "oh god, i'm sorry, please don't hit m-me."

with blurred eyes, he sees brendon pause and his fingertips skim josh's cheek. "shit," he says softly. "did mitch do this to you?"

josh nods. "i understand if you w-will too," he adds. "i'm s-sorry."

the boy's face turns incredulous. "why would i hit you?"

"b-because boys don't cry," josh hiccups and wipes his eyes desperately, wincing as he accidentally presses the monster bruise on his face.

brendon squints at him. "boys can cry. and girls can cry. your fucking genitalia doesn't command whether you're allowed to cry or not. what the fuck?"

josh closes his eyes and braces for impact. when it doesn't come, he looks at brendon, confused. "you're not slapping me?"

"why would i? i'm your friend."

still shaking slightly, josh points out, "mitch was- is- my boyfriend."

and to that, brendon's face flushes red. "shit."

"go ahead, then," josh mumbles, sighing. "i deserve it. look at me. i fucking wimp out of everything. i'm weak and stupid-"

"no you're not. do you understand? mitch has been lying to you."

josh braces himself again. "g-go ahead," he whispers. "huh-hit me."

"i'm not going to hit you. i could never hurt you, josh." brendon's voice has dropped to a soft, careful tone, and his fingers brush over the mark embedded in josh's skin. "it's okay. you can cry."

and he pulls josh closer and lets the boy sob into his shoulder, soothing and rubbing his back.

neither of them hear the footsteps, nor the sound of the door opening.

but they do hear tyler's shocked voice, fuzzed with sleep but still clear as day, screaming:

"josh?"