Red Lighter ✧ John Murphy

XXVII - Never Again

UGH. I NEED THE 100 BACK.

I'M SERIOUS.

I AM GOING THROUGH WITHDRAWAL.

I HAD A DREAM ABOUT JONTY LAST NIGHT. LIKE JESUS CHRIST.

PLUS I NEED A STORY LINE TO FOLLOW. 

GOD DAMMIT.

Okay. Rant over. Here you go. :)

The song for this chapter is "If I Lose Myself" by OneRepublic. ^_^ I looooooove this song so much. <3

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Chapter Twenty-Seven

Murphy was acting strange. He seemed to get a little tense whenever I went near the radio, and I'm pretty sure that it was because I was always gonna talk to Bellamy, Monty, or Jasper. He was likely jealous, but wouldn't admit to it.

I walked into the living room to see him sitting on the chair watching TV. We had gotten it to work and play something other than that horrific video a couple days ago, and he was enjoying a taped episode of "Breaking Bad". He loved that show, and I liked it too, but I preferred "The Originals". Elijah Mikaelson was my kryptonite. Needless to say, Murphy now despised all vampires.

"We should change your bandages," I told him, going over and taking his hand. It seemed that he wasn't ready to get up yet, though, because he yanked me down so that I was laying on his lap. He grinned down at me, then continued to watch the show. When I tried to get up, he just pulled me to him and hugged me tightly.

"Murphy," I whined. "I need to look at your arm!"

"My arm is fine, I feel fine," he laughed. "Stop worryin' so much."

"I can't stop worrying because you could die if it gets infected," I narrowed my eyes at him. "It's only been a month, Murphy. You might have nerve damage and I need to keep an eye on the healing process."

"My arm feels fine," he said.

"I don't care," I told him. "I am not gonna lose you to some stupid infection. Now let me go and come to the bathroom."

He sighed and let me go, and I grabbed his hand, helping to lift his reluctant self up to his feet. I dragged him to the bathroom, and pulled out the usual medical products. A medical pad, gauze, medical tape, and a washcloth in case I need to clean it again. Which, I didn't have to. I guess that not going outside for a month really didn't leave a lot of chances for infection to take hold of him.

I began to unwrap the bandages, and decided to finally ask him. "I've noticed that you seem to get nervous everytime I go on the radio," I said.

"What? I'm not nervous," he scoffed. "I'm never nervous."

"You're a terrible liar, Murphy," I sighed as I ripped open the packet that held a sterile medical pad. "You always have been."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"You're acting like a little kid," he said.

"So are you," I replied.

He sighed.

"Murphy, come on! Just tell me what's wrong. Are you jealous? Is that it?"

"Nothing's wrong, Ven," he sighed.

I wrapped the gauze around his arm, which was almost ready to not have any bandages covering it. "Just tell me, Murphy. You look like you want to throw that radio off the top of the lighthouse every time I go near it."

He stayed quiet for a minute, then sighed again. "I think that Bellamy likes you as more than just a friend."

"Why would he?"

"Because you're amazing, that's why," he said like it was nothing.

I felt my cheeks begin to burn red, and I saw him smirk a little.

"Well, even if he does, you don't have to worry about it."

"Why?"

"Because I love YOU, Murphy. No one else," I said, putting the medical tape down and finishing with wrapping up his arm.

He was completely silent for a minute, then spoke. "Kiss me," he whispered.

I looked up, startled by the sudden request. "What?"

"Kiss me," he said again, an unreadable emotion showing in his eyes.

I didn't really know what to do, so he did it for me. He leaned down and grazed his lips along mine. It was like he knew what he wanted, but at the same time, he was... Afraid. Like he was afraid to touch me in the fear that I would run from him. So I reached up and put my hands on the back of his neck, the tips of my fingers entangling in his hair and pulling his head down. His lips pressed against mine, and he reacted almost immediately. He put his hands on my waist, and before it could get anymore passionate, he pulled away only enough so that he could speak to me.

I opened my eyes and looked directly into his, and I saw it. I saw the vulnerable side to him that rarely ever made an appearance, but was there nevertheless.

"Don't leave me," he whispered. "When we go back to them, just... Please... Don't leave me."

I didn't know why he could even think that I would, but I needed him to know that I would never leave him behind. I did it only once before. And I refused to do it again.

"Do you remember how you felt the night that Bellamy and Clarke banished you?" I asked.

I saw a look of pain flash in his eyes from the memory, and I continued.

"You felt the pain of being left behind. You felt the pain of being betrayed by someone you trusted," I said.

He sucked in a breath, then looked down at his hands, which were now placed at either side of the counter.

"I swear to you, Murphy," I whispered, moving my hands up to either side of his face to cup his cheeks in my palms. "I will never let you feel that way again."

I could have sworn that I saw his eyes begin to water.

"Do you hear me, John Murphy? I will never let you feel abandoned again. Never. Again."

A stray tear fell down his cheek, and he almost wiped it away on his own, seeming ashamed that he was becoming so emotional in front of me. But I moved my thumb over and wiped it away, then leaned in and wrapped my arms around his neck so that I was hugging him as tightly as I could.

"I love you too much to ever leave you, Murphy," I told him. "You will never be alone again."

His arms went around my waist, and he held onto me like I was his lifeline. And, in that moment, I was sure that I was. He buried his head into the crook of my neck, and I didn't let him go. I would never let him go. I hoped that, after this night, he knew that.