Red Lighter ✧ John Murphy

XXXIII - Again

March 4th, 2016

Hey guys.

I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long, but I actually do have a good reason.

Since last Wednesday, which was February 24th, I have had some kind of strange virus. They don't know if it was a flu or something else, but it basically made me feel like I was hit by a truck. It was horrific. Everything ached, I had extreme nausea for at least 6 days, and I was so tired that I could only stay awake for an hour (two if I was lucky) at a time. They said that even though I was obviously very sick, for some reason my white blood cells (the things that fight off an illness) decided that I was fine. It was like they weren't detecting my sickness. So I started taking meds for it, which have slowly worked, but have made me really tired. This was the first time I've gone to school. I missed 4 days.

So yeah. I'm better now, but that was why. I could barely stay awake long enough to take pills and attempt at eating something, let alone type.

This is really short, so sorry about that. :/ I just got a burst of inspiration last night after that episode last night, and OH MY GOD I HOPE YOU GUYS HAVE WATCHED IT BECAUSE I WANNA CRY. THE FEEEEEEEEEEEELS. Also, I hate Titus with an extreme passion.

Okay. Well, bye. :) Enjoy.

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Chapter Thirty-Three

"You can't actually be serious," I said, narrowing my eyes at Emori as she pulled her bag off of the boat.

"It's how Otan and I survived," she said harshly, not seeming to appreciate my discontent. "Take from others to save yourself. It's human nature."

"Besides, it's not like any of them would ever help us willingly," Murphy said begrudgingly once he was done tying the boat to the dock.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Seriously? You're fine with this?"

He nodded, as if it didn't even make a difference to him. I didn't expect that in him. It was a sudden change that I didn't like.

"Murphy..." I said, then moved closer to him and spoke in a low voice in an attempt to make sure that Emori didn't hear us. "I thought we were going home."

"What home, Ven?" he asked, then walked past me and followed after Emori, who was now going to shore.

My lips parted a little, and I clenched my teeth while my fists mimicked the movement. In such a short time, she had corrupted him. For all I knew, she was so good a thief she had stolen his heart. Maybe she had. Maybe he wasn't really mine anymore.

I didn't let it bother me. I needed to focus on the real objective: getting home. If he didn't want to come with me, then... Well, maybe it was for the best. But I couldn't think of that now.

"It's getting dark," Emori stated as we continued to walk near the forest. "We should set up camp on the shore for tonight."

They did so, and I was the one that made the fire while Emori and Murphy talked and took blankets off of the boat.

I could see the way that he looked at her. Like she was a butterfly in the forest that had flitted by and took his interest, and he felt like he had no choice but to follow it. I tried not to feel jealous, I really did. But I hated Emori, and I had thought that Murphy felt the same way. It appeared that I was wrong.

I knew how to get to Arkadia. Murphy and I had seen it, just barely. It was further down the shore, then north slightly. There was a compass on the ship, I knew which way to go. I could get there. But could I really leave now? Could I leave without Murphy?

With the way he looked at her, I don't think he wanted to leave Emori behind. However, I knew that she would never go to Arkadia, and if she said no, I was almost positive that he wouldn't go. He would say, 'not without her', 'not after everything she's done to help us'.

Darkness came over the forest, and it wasn't long before Emori fell asleep. I stayed sitting in front of the fire, watching the flames dance along the wood.

Murphy attempted at going to sleep, but then I heard him sigh as he stood up. I glanced up at him to see him walking over to me. He sat down by me, grunting softly when he hit the ground. He looked exhausted, but not that eager on going to sleep. He put his knees up and rested his elbows on them, clasping his hands together.

"Can't sleep either, huh?" he asked.

I shook my head, putting my arms on my knees and resting my chin on them.

"Why're you so quiet?" he asked me, and once again, I didn't say anything.

He was quickly annoyed by that.

"Ven, say something," he said in a frustrated tone.

"I don't trust her," I said immediately.

"Why not? She's helping us."

"Yeah. Right after she killed someone. Right after she stole from us while we were in the middle of a desert. Right before she-" I swallowed a little, rubbing at the side of my neck and cutting myself off. I looked back at the flames.

"Right after she threatened to kill you," he muttered.

"How can I trust someone like her? How can you?" I asked.

"Because I'm just like her," he stated.

"No you aren't. You never have been, you never will be."

"Yes. I am," He said, his voice suddenly rising. "When will you get it, Ven? There isn't a happy ending where I change. I never will, don't you get that yet? I'm selfish. I take what I want and give nothin' back. You can't fix that, Venus!" He shouted.

I felt anger flare inside of me as I stood up to my feet. "You are not selfish, Murphy! You have put me above yourself a countless number of times, you know that! She is bringing out the worst in you. I won't let you feel that way! I won't let you be the bad guy again!"

He was completely silent for a few moments. He was still, his expression blank while he looked me in the eyes. But before long, the blank expression faded, and he smiled. I saw something in him that I almost didn't recognize. Something dark.

"Again?" he scoffed, a bitter laugh leaving his lips. "I never stopped."

I stayed quiet, furrowing my brow at him. He stood up, looking down at me with a dark look in his eyes before he went to the shore. I continued to watch him as he threw stones into the water, skipping them once in a while. It was as if he had forgotten what he just said.

He was turning dark again. He was beginning to think that no one cared about him again. And it was all because of her.

I wanted to go to Arkadia. I wanted to go home. But how could I? How could I ever leave him behind?

Turns out, I didn't have to leave his side to have him drift away from me. Emori made sure of that.