She's my way out.

Chapter Twenty Seven

"First time Ive been earlier than you"
"what you got better stuff to do now?"
"Well sorry." she said closing the door, "I was hungry. Had to stop by Sainsbury's get some white chocolate cookies." I explained taking one last bite before putting the rest back in the packet the crumbles on my hand along with it too.
"Is that the ting now yeah?" He begins to chuckle "Because that's all the youngers eat these days, and Im not gonna lie they do hit the belly."
I shrug it was more down to the cravings.
"Or is it just cravings and that?"

There you go Shad.

"You need to tell me the sort of stuff you like, so I can get it. I want to make sure you got everything you need init, look I'll even come to some of them classes if that's what you want?-But what I aint doing is the whole breast feeding thing where they put the fake breast on you so you know what it is like, never. Saw it on one born every minute"
"What you watching that for?"
"You know what yeah, nothing else was on and I don't even watch TV but it was just calling me. Anyways, I wanna know more about this whole baby thing, because I want to be doing the most when it comes to ours" He babbles on. Examining my my facial expressions he adds "get me?" He tends to do that when he makes a good point, or says something a roadman wouldn't usually say, just to justify that he was still road in a way, get me?Lol.
"You know. I think a youte would do me good. A mini me init, cah Im sure its going to  be a boy, It better be a boy, because these times-"

"I don't want it"
After the words left my lips my whole body relaxed, it was no longer tense, and the strained had left me however it wasn't the same for Rashad.

Rashad's

"I don't want to have it." She repeated as if I didn't hear her the first time. Her posture seemed different as if she had just let go of a big  heavy load and was relieved. I think that was what pissed me off most about it, how calm she was with the situation, how words could be said and she wouldn't seem fazed by it at all. Now, I know it is suppose to be the other way around right, I know it is. So, why is it now that I am the one that is hurt the most in this. You know how It usually goes? Init.  The bre fuckes her, she finds out she's pregnant and tells him. He goes of on a greeze tip and tells her to abort it, or that the baby is not his when it blatantly is. That is the story we all know well. However, what we don't know is this one. The probation officer and the ex convict beat, she finds out she is pregnant, and doesn't want it? Despite my better thinking, I cant help but ask.

"Are you serious?"

"Dead, serious Rashad."I could feel the growing urge of sick running through me, this was all new to me swear. "So your going to kill my youte?"
"Rashad" She whined. She runs her hands through her hair and looks everywhere but me.

I tell her if she is joking, she could lowe it, and we could go about our business but no.

"Why would I lie about this, huh?"

"You know the job you have at your age, you would think you were mad mature, and by the way you act, the things you say. Now I just see you as mad hypocritical, your always telling me I shouldn't play up to what society thinks of me -being who I am and I know for a fact that society would want me to turn away my responsibilities to my child but I aint doing that because I'd be playing up to the expectations"
"And I also tell you that you have to let certain things go or you will ever get anywhere"
"But what if I aint willing to let it go? What if this is what I want" I hold her belly.
I cant tell she is lost for words, she knows I am right, I'm not letting this go. She flinches away.
"So if your telling me your going to go through with this and kill our baby then, you need to tell me it's a lie Naomi, I need to hear it."
"Rashad." She sings heavily "I have already made an appointment, the sooner I can get rid of it the sooner I can get on with my life, get back to normal, go back to my family."
I nod feeling my skin prickle and sit down.