She's my way out.

Chapter Twenty nine

"Help me keep this child, I don't care if he is deformed, help me keep him."

After undergoing some test the doctor agreed, and placed me on steroids, told me there was a high risk of me being in danger by doing this but I had too keep him, I couldn't let him go. He assisted me as much as he could, but as time went by like everything single month I had an attempt of miscarriage, I started bleeding everything single month, going through my cycle, everything single month, cramps everything and the doctor told me the child was trying to come out. The doctor got to the point where he decided he wasn't going to do anything else and let nature take its course , I soon left the NHS and seeked private doctors however every single one I went to washed their hands with me, and basically told me in our words that it was a myth, they could not do anything for me.

On November 24th was the day I gave birth to him. I had settled into my new house when I started to get contractions, not to say I didn't feel this way throughout the end of this ordeal I called a pregnancy but this time it felt much worse. I called Kayla, she came over first, Asia following behind her. At this stage it was too late to call an ambulance, my waters had already broke, all of my body was hot, clammy and sweaty and the pain was unbearable. "What we gonna do?" Kayla screams
"Daniels on his way."
"Daniel?" I say over deep panting in and out. Every word took strength and work right now.
"Just stay calm, Nay the-"
"You cant even say the ambulance are on there fucking way because they are not!"
"They said they would take twenty minutes because of the diversion! That's useless. Daniel will be here in a matter of time with his car, he can drive us."
"And who's going to get me off the floor."
Their heads both turn very slowly until their eyes meet, fear written all over their poor faces.

Daniel gets to the house some minutes later, I understand how he got there so quick once we were in his car and he was speeding faster than Hamilton, bussing corners like Lighting McQueen, and commentating just like John Motson, he couldn't keep quiet.
"Shit man, Shit!"
"Breathe in, Breathe out." Kayla instructs
"Aye stop making noise, she knows what to do!"
"Shutup Daniel." snaped her quick response.
"Do you even know what your doing?" He kisses his teeth, turning back.
"Watch out!" Asia screams then I hear a series of beeping cars.
"You could of killed us, there is already one emergency that needs to be attended too."
"Im doing all the hard work actually" He argues "Do you even know what your doing."
"Yes obviously! I do watch Casualty, holby city too you know, and Hollyoaks, Dr Savage is a sick doctor."
"Just lowe the chat Kay man."
"This right." Asia says
He turns abruptly causing a man from outside to shout, "Sorry boss man!" He shouts out the window.
All the while, Im feeling the worse pain ever and I know something is going to go wrong.

I gave birth to a three pound ounce premature baby boy. I laid on the bed, looking how the doctor passed the baby over to the nurse, he barely even screamed. He didn't make a lot of noise at all so when the doctor said "Oh my god" It confirmed my thoughts, literally bracing myself for the worst I thought okay, here it is. He motioned for the other nurse to come over holding up my placenta saying "Look here. Half of the placenta had blood flow, the other half black, literally dead, no blood flow what so ever. That explains why this child wanted to come out, because he was fighting for his dear life, he couldn't survive anymore in the womb so he had to get out" It was at that point I tried to hold it in but tears cascaded down my face, I cried louder than my own baby did. Look at what I did, I thought I wasn't worthy enough to raise this child so I attempted to aborted him, only causing him more pain.

I had decided not to see the baby as I was contemplating giving him up for adoption. I knew I would never be able to face him once he was older and knew the truth of how I tried to abort him and it didn't work , despite the fact he was a miracle child and everything was fine, I couldn't.