Pedestrian |✓

|33| p o p s i c l e

They say life is full of mysteries. You would be really surprised on what this world can offer. It may be a good one, or the usual eye-sore, heart-clenching kind of surprise.

Lucky are those whose lives are filled with candies and everything nice and sweet. But to those who live with the latter, most of their days, I can't really say that I can't relate.

It may not be so much of a surprise to me, that I got hurt by being left out by Patrick, but the intensity of its impact to me, was still a discovery.

I didn't expect it to feel this bad. All I thought was, it'll pass a few days and then, boom - we'll be okay. Like nothing happened at all. As if the part where he just walked past by me down the hallway, last Friday didn't happen.

I admit, I was frozen like a freshly plucked-out Popsicle from the freezer when he passed by me as if I weren't there. I knew he saw me. Heck, he even looked at me, but his eyes didn't give anything away. As if he just saw past my figure and thought that I was just some wall in jeans and a band-shirt that he actually gave as a Christmas present.

Did it hurt? Oh, sure boy, it did. It stung like a mad bee. It felt like a strong slap against my cheek - unexpected, fluid and fierce. And it most certainly did send its message accross in full speed and clarity: I don't wanna talk to you.

How charming. But I didn't let that get to me (though I was practically bawling my eyes in the inside). I pulled my cheery façade and acted as if I didn't see him too. Like I didn't care.

I guess it was the only left of my pride after he had been ignoring all my attempts.

Yet after a few seconds of passing by each other, I practically ran towards the end of the hall and leaned myself against the cold wall.

I thought that somehow the literal support that was flat against my back would make me feel better. Of course, I was wrong. My knees continued to buckle and my hands trembled as my stomach churn with an uncomfortable feeling of something I didn't know.

Tragic it truly was. Because knowing that your best friend just walked past you and intentionally ignored you, when you know to yourself that you did nothing wrong was a deep cut - swell and bleeding. Continuedly dripping droplets of glossy red fluid as it throbbed painfully in your flesh.

Some would probably say that I am a little too over-reacting, not that I'm denying it. But, won't it hurt to be ignored by the special people in your life; guilty of something or not.

Heck, even those who did something wrong, feel the pain when they get ignored. What more me, who can't even recall a thing that I did to hurt him?

I knew I wasn't the perfect friend. I was not the kind if friend that do well with long conversations 'bout the feelings of my friends, but I try. I listen... even if I can't form a proper advice to give.

Last time I checked, we were okay. More than okay, actually. Two peas in a pod, as they say. Sometimes, I even feel like I can tell him things that I'd second thought telling Lily and Kayla.

So the question was... what went wrong?

Maybe because he's busy.

Maybe because he's just tired.

Maybe he needed some alone time.

Maybe his new girlfriend and him, had a fight.

Maybe he's on his teenage-boy PMS.

Or, maybe he's just really mad at me.

But why?

There were so many reasons to think of. So many possibilities, so many maybes that it wouldn't even fit my head. Yet, I couldn't come up with something concrete and believable. Or maybe I already knew the answer, but I just didn't have the courage to admit it to myself.