Pedestrian |✓

|38| v o d k a

There were always different kinds of fear. We have the fear of getting hurt - may it be physical or emotional. Fear of hearing the truth, fear of unusual things, fear of loss... possibilities, and the kind of fear I was feeling right now. It was the fear of hurting the people you care about.

It was safe to say that I was scared as a four year-old kid in the presence of a huge flat screen television that was playing the scariest horror movie of all time. My knees weren't able to hold themselves up, my hands were shaking, my heart was pounding, and there were beads of sweat trickling down the sides of my face.

I actually wanted to lock myself up in my room, eat cartons of fruit loops and cower underneath the heavy sheet of my comforter.

But despite my first attempt in just trying to forget today, and acting depressed, only one thought seemed to cross and haunt my mind.

I've hurt Austin.

It was that thought that felt like a fast bullet that shot straight to my chest, digging itself down until it reached my heart that was already breaking.

It hurt like hell, knowing that I wasn't the only one who was feeling dejected and hurt by what happened last night. He was, too.

The forty-seven messages that weren't replied to and the fifteen missed calls were enough proof. I didn't need Lily barking down my throat, demanding answers on why Austin came to Stephen's place, a bottle of vodka in his hand. He was so drunk that he couldn't even sit properly without him lulling every second, only to wake to the sound of his own hiccup.

Everybody else dropped a message in my inbox. It assorted from Kayla's concerned messages, Lily's mad ones, Stephen's worried emoji's, Vincent's crisp wtf? and Tori's indifferent and cold words.

A tear rolled down my already wet cheeks from reading their varied reactions, but one message really stood out. One message that made me a mess of tangled strands of hair and sore eyes.

Austin's.

I should've stopped at the forty-seventh message, I really should've just ended it there. But I was so drunk on the thought that if I tried harder, he'd see my reasons, hear my explanation and finally talk to me. He did finally talk to me. But he definitely didn't see past my mistake.

I called patrick today. Asked his number fr Vincent. Told him to talk to u. Maybe u guys could fix whatever it is. Goodnight.

I didn't reply.

I didn't know what to say. I was hurt, I was guilty, I was sad, I was offended. To me, his message was trying to convey something. Something that he solely assumed and took upon himself to act upon without asking me.

It was like as if he actually knew what was going on inside of my head, when in fact he only assumed for the worst, and believed it to be true. Stephen told me all he said last night, while still completely intoxicated that he thought that I liked Patrick. That what I did last night was my nice way of rejecting him.

My throat tightened at the thought. How could he think of that when he didn't even know that I knew that he was finally officially asking me to be his girlfriend last night? That was when Stephen nervously admitted to me that he told Austin beforehand. Stephen told him that Tori told me, hence the change of biking plans before the date.

"I'm sorry, Anna! I didn't know that this would happen. I only told him so he'd drop the stupid bicycle date idea to opt for something a lil' more romantic. I only did it to boost his confidence up. I told him that if you'd reject him, you won't go out on a date with him in the first place because... because you knew... Tori told you. I'm really sorry!"