Just For Show (EDITING)

Chapter 58 - " for a night we'll never forget"

I didn't even know what day it was anymore.

They were all blurring together. To be honest I didn't care either. The days and nights didn't matter to me anymore, I didn't care. They were all the same now.

I was either too high up on cocaine to even think straight or me drowning in tears with a bottle of tequila glued to my lips. My using of cocaine using happened when I was either with Willow and/or at some party or club. I didn't seem to care what people saw. I didn't hide anything. I didn't care.

Paparazzi had already caught me coming out of a club looking a mess. But I thought ' to hell with it', I didn't care what the world thought anymore. This was my life not theirs.

I left the crying to when I was by myself. I didn't want anyone seeing me that way. I didn't mind people seeing me high on drugs because at least then I was smiling, at least I was happy, in their eyes at least. But crying was something that the world had seen too much of. So the crying was only allowed in my room away from everyone.

I was still living with Liam, mostly because he hadn't bothered me anymore. Whenever he was home, I wasn't. Whenever I was (which wasn't everyday), he wasn't. It had become just the way that I wanted.

Tonight I was meeting Willow at a new club. We had gone to this club once before way back when I was still living with her. As the taxi driver started arriving at the club, I quickly made sure my little pack of white magic was hidden enough in my purse no one else could find it. I looked at myself through the reflection of the car window seeing if I looked happy.

I knew that as soon as I stepped out of the taxi, I would photographed by people outside the club. It was weird how people still cared about what I was doing. I was no longer with All Oblivion. I wasn't doing any new music. I wasn't modeling. I was a no one and yet paparazzi still followed me. Fans still wanted to take pictures with me. The blonde hair didn't make a good disguise either.

Just as I predicted, as soon as I stepped out of the taxi cameras flashed towards me. I kept on a small smile as I walked passed the line. The bouncer quickly let me in as soon as he saw all the paparazzi. He probably didn't even know who I was and he probably didn't care. It was something I had noticed. As soon as bouncers would see paparazzi follow people towards a club, they would let that person in immediately.

After walking into the club, I went straight to the bathroom. As usual, if Willow and I didn't go together, we would just meet each other in the bathroom to start out the night right. When I got in there, Willow was already in the middle of lining a perfect direction for our white magic.

" for a night we'll never forget" she smiled.

Seeing her smile made me feel some sort of relief. I guess it was because I had her in my life again. I regretting saying some horrible things to her months back. I honestly never thought we'd be back to being friends again. It was something so unrealistic to me.

So seeing her smile at me once again made me smile along with her. 

I didn't ever not want to see that smile on her face.

*

Beep, Beep, Beep.

My eyes slowly fluttered open but forcefully. They felt too heavy to keep open but I did it anyways. My whole body hurt. I couldn't move as much as I wanted too. It felt as if my brain couldn't control my body as much as it was supposed to. I looked around and it felt like deja-vu.

Here I was once again in a bright white room that looked a lot like a hospital room with my entire body hurting. But when I looked down at my body, I didn't have any casts on. I felt relieved. This wasn't just another nightmare about Carter.

Looking over a saw a head laying down on the side of my hospital bed. 

As I trying saying something, only a simply grunt seemed to come through my lips. Surprisingly my little grunt did somehow him wake up. Maybe he wasn't even asleep.

His eyes made contact with mine and he let out a sigh of relief.

" oh thank God" he smiled with tears in his eyes.

I looked at him confused by his reaction. What was going on? Had I been in a car accident? Or an accident for that matter?

" you don't remember anything, do you?" he asked as he held onto my hand.

I simply shook my head. Liam looked down at his hand in mine as he tried to figure out what to say. It only made me more confused.

" tell me" I croaked out

Liam looked up again and breathed in deep.

" they found you and Willow overdosed in a club bathroom, three days ago" Liam said watching my reaction very carefully.

As hard as I tried remembering that part of the night, I couldn't. The last part I remembered was Willow smiling at me. It felt weird knowing that I had been in a small coma for the past three days.

" Harry's outside" Liam said.

My heart stopped.

Harry knew what happened. I hated knowing that Harry knew about my overdose. It made me look weak, something I didn't want him to see. Even if days ago he had saw me cry over the fact that I was still in love with him.

" how long has he been here?" I asked.

" he got here before me and hasn't left the hospital since" Liam shrugged.

It still amazed how much Harry seemed to care even when I would push him away. After that day I moved out of the apartment and after that crazy night in the club when I told him to move on with his life, he wouldn't for some reason. I guess it bothered me a bit because I hadn't moved on either.

" do you want to see him?" Liam asked.

" no" I whispered.

I wanted him to move on. I myself need to move on.

" when did Willow wake up?" I asked.

But Liam didn't respond. He kept quiet.

" or is she still asleep?" I asked again.

He shook his head but the answer didn't really answer my question. Which one of those was it? I hated this feeling of not knowing.

" which one, Liam?" I asked aggravated

" when they found you two, Willow was already gone" Liam said calming.

" what do you mean gone?" I croaked out as my mind started to realize what he meant. But I still needed to hear it from him.

" her heart had stopped beating and they couldn't revive her" he shook his head.

I closed my eyes praying that this wasn't true. She couldn't be gone. Willow had to be here somewhere, right? People don't just leave. But they do. I had been through this once before and had never imagined this would happen to me again.

To my surprise, no tears escaped. No tears fell from my eyes. But my heart was in massive pain, as if someone had punched me in the face. I wanted to scream. I wanted to destroy everything around me.

Instead, I looked at Liam for comfort.

But he wasn't the comfort I was craving.

~

so after re-reading this chapter I'm not really happy about. I know I can do better. Maybe I'll rewrite someday when I have time. I guess it turned out this way because it was a little rushed. I owed you all a chapter after all. But I will probably rewrite this

thank you for all the support you guys

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