Vienna {H.S}

Chapter 23

Her eyes looked so hollow, lacking the vibrant life that they usually contained in them. And it was all my fault. For while I tried so hard to preserve her innocence I ended up being the one stealing it.

I am a monster.

I hate myself.

Vienna must hate me as well.

The reason I had allowed myself to be so selfish and keep this girl all to myself is because I thought she might give me the love and warmth I've craved for all these years ever since mother had died. I tried to fill the void in my heart with drugs, women, and dark things I cannot even speak of, but that did not work. I tried to fill it with Emelia, but that only made it worse. And finally, I tried with Vienna, but I ended up ruining her as well.

I was a lost cause.

And staring into her cold azure eyes made me realize that she had finally seen the real me.

"I am sorry." I wanted to say. But this was one of these things sorry could not fix.

I should be mean to her. Let her know I was really trying to get rid of her, that I never really cared for her and wished she'd just leave me alone.

Yes, I should just lie to her.

"It is exactly what it seems." I said, my lips pressing into a firm line. "You gave me exactly what I wanted. All those years I worked so hard to gain your trust, and the reward certainly was fulfilling. I regret nothing. I do not regret pressing you against my bed and corrupting you with my lips. I do not regret keeping you locked away for myself, even if it meant that you would share the same lonely and miserable life I had barely endured. I do not regret making you my little toy that helped kill time effectively" I had not even finished, but I could see the hurt on her face.

Even as she tried to mask it with her indifferent expression, I could see the faint light in her eyes die down, but that was not enough.

I needed to hurt her more.

More.

I smiled slowly. "But I do regret keeping you with me for so long. I want you to leave this house and never look back. You would be doing us both a great favor."

She nodded slowly, and walked up the stairs, to pack her bags, I presume.

I forced myself to calm down, telling myself that I was doing the right thing for once.

I loved her so much that I had to let her go. I just had to. I could not allow myself to let her sink into the chaos that was my life any more.

A few minutes later, I decided to check up on her. Just to see if she was hurting like I was. If she was crying as hard as I was from the inside. I just needed to see..

I forced myself up the stairs and knocked once, twice, then slammed the door open.

Sure enough, she was packing her bags. Her hair was hiding her face. She looked up, and she seemed fine.

I frowned.

This may be selfish of me, but I would have felt better had she been suffering about her decision to leave me. But she was not. She looked just fine.

My blood boiled.

"That's it? You'll just pack your bags quietly and obediently? You won't even fight for us?" I found my mouth running before I could even keep up.

"There was nothing to fight for." She said in monotone, her head bowed down.

"Bullshit!" I yelled as I pushed her frail body against the wall. "You can't deny it! You cannot! God damnit!"

"Calm down." She whispered as I shook her roughly. "You're hurting me." She mumbled, her voice void of any emotion.

"Then fucking show it! Do something! Why are you acting so cold?! Why won't you defend yourself?! Have you no self worth?!" I erupted as I shook her harder until she had a tear rushing down her cheek.

"I don't care." She shook her head. "I don't care. I don't care. I d-don't-" she repeated to herself as if that would make her words become true, until she stumbled upon her words and started to choke on her own sobs.

"You care." She has to. "I know you do." I pressed my dry and cracking lips against her own, the salt in our tears blending in with our kiss.

And we kissed with everything we hadn't. For we had lost all we had just to be with each other, and now we were left bare and naked to each other. We had nothing left but this last bittersweet kiss.

"I will always love you." She said to me, with a sad smile. 

And then my life had purpose. It was like everything I had wished for and labored for had finally been placed right in front of me. The happiness and love I had craved for was somehow given to me. I did not have to suffer any more. Nor did she.

And suddenly it seemed like despite how wrong everything seemed to be, that it was exactly how it should've been.

I was complete.

"Vienna-"

My eyes widened, and just like that, the trophy at the end of the finish line was snatched away from me.

Because Vienna had opened the window I had reluctantly unlocked a few weeks ago and jumped.

And then all my nightmares had come true. The warnings engraved in the back of my mind that I could not protect her from herself proved themselves right.

For she had killed herself.

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(This is not the ending.)