you [njh]

twenty five

It was a sleepless night as i could remember.

It was 10 PM. And i wasn't planning to go to sleep yet. I knew Niall is awake upstairs, i just knew. That's why i kept glancing at my phone, waiting for a text, maybe, or waiting for myself to actually have the courage to text him. But of course i can't. Not after what just happened. I kept looking at the ceiling, over and over, hoping that i'd fall asleep so i could forget the world just for a while.
I felt stupid, not knowing how to deal with this situation. I felt like a 10 year old girl who just kissed her crush in front of their friends. I felt stupid. This feeling is stupid. It was so confusing i couldn't explain to you how its like, it only felt even stupider when I attempted to explain it. I didn't even know how, but somehow i managed to fall asleep. But i guess it didn't count cause i woke up in the middle of the night.

I had a heavy feeling on my heart, it left me with some kind of thoughts. I couldn't say it out lod because i know it's just some 3 AM thoughts that are meaningless. There was a jungle of words in my head. So much words.. my head started to spin. I kept trying to bring myself back to sleep but i seemed to forget how. I didn't feel a thing. Or maybe i did. I didn't know for sure, but it's a big mess mixture of worried, happy and anxious.

I tried myself to stop overthinking shits and be realistic for a second, and i went back to sleep once i began counting how many days Niall had make me feel like this.

I woke up.
A thing woke me up, actually.
The vibrate from my phone that was near my head. I looked at the caller ID and see who it was. I rubbed my eyes before i answered the call.

"Hello?" i tried to sound like i didn't just wake up.

"Hey!" he cheered. "I'm buying breakfast... McDonald's actually.." he chuckled, "..was wondering if you want anything."

"Oh.." i nodded, "Um.. can you just get me hash browns and a good starbucks?"

"Yeah yeah.. is that it?" he said.

"Uh-huh. Thanks Niall."

"Anytime, love." then he hung up.

Why was he even up at this hour? It wasn't like the usual, you know, i'd be the one that's telling him to wake up, not the other way round.

I made my way to the kitchen, taking a glass of water, then i grabbed the honey stars and sat down in front of the TV. Spongebob was on, and i wasn't complaining. Matt said it was the stupidest shit ever, while Niall always cracking up whenever Patrick speaks. I could picture both of their faces and i smiled to myself.

About 10 or 15 minutes later, Niall came with two plastic bags of McDonald's and a cup of starbucks on his hand, he was sweating as well.

"Morning." he smiled at me.

I smiled. "One caramel macchiato with roasted marshmallows on top, for the lady." he handed me the coffee cup.

"A way to my heart.." i answered.

He crashed himself to the spot next to me, mumbling something that i couldn't hear clearly until he tilted his head to the right and repeated himself. "I just went for a morning run. I bumped into Matt."

"Yeah?" i said, enjoying my hash brown.

"Yeah." he looked at me for a second, "He was asking about you."

"What a thoughtful man." i shrugged.

"I said.. you've been doing fine." he said.

"I am fine." i said again.

"Are you?" he said not quite so loud, but i heard that.

I looked at him. "Why wouldn't i?"

He looked back at me, sat up straight and said, "No.. i thought something was bugging you off."