On the Edge: A Kylo Ren Fanfiction

Chapter Seven

They had been at warp speed for a few minutes before either of them had dared to speak. "I'd like to thank you Master Kylo."

"What for?" Kylo asked turning his head to the side trying to get any sort of view of her that he could to no avail.

"For training me, and for being merciful." She smiled softly to herself, undenounced to Kylo.

That last word made him cringe slightly as he turned his gaze back out of the ship. He was Kylo Ren, Commander of the First Order, Master of the Knights of Ren, a cold blooded killer, yet this girl saw right though him, to the person he locked away long ago. It sickened him to think that that Ben might once again be a reality, well not if he had anything to do with it. His hand shook slightly feeling the light that he had locked away with Ben broke out and started to coarse through his veins. He thought of his mother and father, what they must think of him, how his Uncle thought of him. They must all think him to be a huge failure. He murdered countless people, ran away and joined the dark side, and for what? What did he have to prove? They had loved him, and he felt the same, he could never be a failure in their eyes. Maybe it was the grave amount of hurt he experienced the day his parents sent him off to train with his Uncle, he was only seven and to him, it really just felt like they didn't want him anymore that they didn't care. They had been fighting for weeks before that fateful day, and when they sent him away...it just made everything worse. He felt he was the reason for their fighting. That Ben was the reason their family had been torn apart. Anger coursed through his veins again as Kylo quickly shook his head out remembering his uncle's teachings. Emotions were dangerous. That was one thing he never understood though, how could emotions be dangerous if one wished to be good? Not all emotions were bad, yet he said a true Jedi was numb, refused to feel anything. Why was it bad to feel loved? Why was it bad to feel weak? After all, Jedi were humans too, not animals. Shouldn't it have been okay for them to feel weak sometimes? Emotions were a natural thing for humans that when shoved down come back a million times worse. He scoffed silently, closing his eyes tightly, biting his tongue before mustering the strength to reply. "You're welcome."

His mind wandered to Lusaldi, she should've been the one being thanked, not him. She had shown him nothing but kindness and courtesy the majority of her stay. She let him take his anger out on her during training and said nothing about it, even refused medical attention afterwards for injuries, said he hadn't hurt her badly. She calmed him down whenever Snoke or Hux sent him into a frenzy. She would hold him close and run a hand gently through his hair and tell him to breath. She would speak softly to him, telling him it was okay to feel emotions, it was fine if he wanted to lash out, but he shouldn't be ashamed of them, they were apart of him. He sighed internally, more than she knew. Whenever he got near her, a sense of peace and tranquility would always wash over him like waves over the sandy sea shore on a warm summer's evening. He would be able to push the negative emotions away just enough to feel happiness, love even. He had finally found someone who cared about him and not about who he had to be. To his mother, father and uncle, he had to be a student and a Jedi. To Snoke, Hux and the Stormtroopers, he had to be a leader and Dark Jedi. To her, he just had to be Ben, and that's all he ever wanted to be. He never wanted to be something special, he just was, and it made him happy to find that she didn't care about him like that. Ben was just Ben to her.

They arrived at the planet a few minutes later, landing a short way away from the Crystal Cave on the dark side of the planet. Given the harsh icey conditions of the planet they would have to stay inside a cave for the night. "We'll have to wait until morning before you can enter the caves." Kylo explained helping Lusaldi out of the TIE Fighter. "Until then we'll just have to make a fire and sit around I guess."

"Sounds good to me." Lusaldi smiled. Kylo gave her a crooked smile which he was thankful she couldn't see in the darkness, what with his back being to the entrance of the cave.

They lit the fire with things from a survival kit found within the TIE fighter and sat down together and were in silence for a while just staring into the flames. He chuckled softly after a little while causing Lusaldi to shift her gaze to him. "What's so funny?"

"My master once told me that the dark side can be described as a roaring fire: obviously powerful, seductive, and potentially dangerous. I finally see what he meant." Kylo said before turning his gaze to her, she simply nodded and kept her gaze on the fire. He noticed her shivering slightly from the cool air that whipped through the opening of the cave and no wonder, she wasn't exactly dressed for cooler weather conditions. Part of her training, she should know better. Part of his mind tried to tell him. She didn't know where we were going, ease up. Right now just be Kylo and Lusaldi not Master and Apprentice. The other half reasoned. That side won. "Are you cold Lusaldi?"

She shivered slightly drawing her thin cloak closer to her body. "Not really..." She lied.

"You're a terrible liar." He chuckled draping his own cloak around her shoulders before pulling her closer to him. "Perhaps you'll be a bit warmer this way." He smiled down at her, gently rubbing her arm. She seemed a bit uncomfortable at first but slowly relaxed until she rested her head on his shoulder. Slowly his own head fell until it rested on hers. "You know...I wasn't always a darksider. In fact, I use to be trained by Luke Skywalker himself."

"Really?" She asked picking her head up to look at him. "But the darkside just seems so natural to you."

"That's because, I don't have to hide as much as I did on the light side." He said gazing into the fire taking a few deep breaths before continuing. "Throughout Jedi training, we were always taught that emotions were our enemies; that a true Jedi couldn't feel anything or he would lose control of the force. I just couldn't see truth to that. Why should we be afraid to feel? Fear alone is a root emotion to the dark side yet people feel it every day, that doesn't automatically make them darksiders. Even normal emotions like happiness, sadness and love were frowned upon, and I just didn't see why. Going to the dark side, I felt a weight was lifted from my shoulders, I didn't have to pretend that I couldn't feel anything anymore. I could be true to myself, true to my feelings." He paused before looking at Lusaldi. "True to my feelings toward other people..." His voice trailed off and became a little shaky. "I know It'll sound stupid when I say this...in fact now that I think about it, I've never said anything like this before but...I'm not afraid to hide the feelings I have for you Lusaldi. It's because of you I no longer feel ashamed of what I feel day in and day out. You helped me learn to accept that emotions are going to be a part of me no matter what. I don't care about who I have to be around you, I can just let go and be me...nobody has seen me like that in the longest time...except for you." He paused another moment.

"I love how when you smile a sense of peace and tranquility never fails to come over me and tame whatever vulgar beast that threatens to come out. I love how the light captures in those doe-like, smiling, chocolate brown eyes of yours, they shine brighter than any star I have ever seen in the galaxy. I guess what I'm trying to say is...I can't deny the feelings I feel for you any longer, and I don't wish to continue doing that." He paused and reached over with his ungloved right hand, having his left arm around her and gently placed it upon her face, the heat feeling soothing against her cold wind bitten cheek. He slowly leaned toward her resting his forehead upon hers before continuing, he still refused to make eye contact. "Until you were here...I was so alone Lusaldi...I was so afraid Lusaldi...I...I don't want to have to not feel love anymore...Lusaldi...." He said barely above a whisper before gently placing a sincere, loving, passionate kiss upon her warm tender lips, scared for what was to come when he pulled away...if he pulled away. If this was to be his only kiss he would share with her, he hoped it would last a lifetime, for he had never loved someone so much as he did Lusaldi.