Return Of The Shadow

Chapter 27: Letting Go

After Aragorn told Eldarion about Eowyn's death, he announced it to the rest of the people.

Everyone had known who Eowyn was, and everyone had loved her. There was mourning throughout the mountain, everyone was there.

Except for Boromir. He sat alone in his room with his head in his hands.

The weight of what he had done continued to crush him. So much death because of him. When Aragorn had come and spoken with him he had been filled with terror.

Who knew what the man would do? But all Aragorn had done was make him swear to devote the rest of his life to fighting against Sauron.

He also wasn't allowed anywhere in the mountain without supervision. Which he was fine with. He didn't trust himself to be alone. Though he hated to admit it, a part of him still desired the ring.

He had tried to kill that part of him but it never went away. What if he went mad again? What if more people died by his hand?

That brought Boromir to another troubling thought, neither Aragorn or Gimli had said anything about him killing Pippin.

Why? Surely they would have said something. His thoughts wandered to the hobbits. What had they said? What about Merry? Pippin had been like a brother to him.

And he had killed him... He should have put himself to the sword!

But Pippin had forgiven him, he had looked him in the eye and forgave him. Just before he had driven the sword through him.

Boromir remembered when he asked Aragorn and Gimli to forgive him.

"Forgive me!" Boromir pleads with tears in his eyes. "I never wanted any of this to happen!"
Aragorn turns to him, his eyes cold and hard. "It's too late."

Boromir didn't fight the tears that ran down his face. He didn't deserve Aragorn's forgiveness. Or anyone else's.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw someone standing in the entrance of his room.

When he looked up he was surprised to see Legolas.

The elf looked the same from when Boromir last saw him. Except for his face, it was completely emotionless.

"Why are you here?" Boromir asked bitterly. He knew Legolas hated him. Why was here now?

"I could ask you the same thing." Legolas replied, his voice lacking any emotion as well.

"Why wouldn't I be here?" Boromir said sharply. "Where else would I be?"
"With your brother."
"What concern is my brother to you?"

To be honest, Boromir was worried about his brother. Despite what Legolas had done for him in Mordor, he was still very weak.

Boromir remembered that everyone else was mourning for Eowyn.

"Why aren't you with the others?" he asked.
"I am not welcome."

Boromir narrowed his eyes.

"Why wouldn't you be welcome?"
"Some of the people think I look more like a servant of the enemy than an elf who hates him."

Legolas looked down at his feet.

"They may be right."

Boromir couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"How could you even think that Legolas? You are no servant of Sauron. You've spent most of your life fighting against him."

"Most of it." Legolas looked the man in the eye. "Have you forgotten what I did for Sauron? I killed for him and did his bidding. Even after I was free of him I continued to kill. Not because I had to, but because I wanted to."

Boromir winced. He knew perfectly well. He had seen it with his own eyes when he had the ring.

Both were silent until Legolas asked, "What did Aragorn say?"

"He told me that I must devote the rest of my life to defeating Sauron." he said quietly. "It seems as though you and I now share the same goal."

"Was that all?"
"Yes."
"What did you say to him?"

Boromir hesitated, "I asked him to forgive me."
"Did he?"
"No and I do not blame him. I don't deserve forgiveness. Not from him, or you. And I did not deserve Pippin's forgiveness."

"But he forgave you anyway." Legolas commented.

Boromir sighed.
"The only one I receive forgiveness from is the one I killed."

Boromir couldn't go without knowing.
"What did they say Legolas? About me killing Pippin."
"Did they not say anything to you?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"I was hoping you knew the answer to that."
"I think you know yourself."

Boromir stared at him quizically. How could he possibly know why? The only reason they wouldn't have mentioned anything was if they didn't know.

Boromir paused. He glanced at Legolas.

"You didn't tell them?"

Legolas's gaze confirmed his answer.

"Why?"
"Because you did not kill Pippin. Sauron did."
"Legolas-"
"You would have never harmed Pippin on your own, or anyone else, it was all a part of Sauron's plan. He is the one who wanted him dead, not you. He knew you would not be able to kill your own brother."

Why did Legolas keep mentioning Faramir? Why did he concern himself with him so much?

There was another question Boromir had been meaning to ask.

"Why didn't you kill me in Mordor? You had every opportunity to do it. Why didn't you?"

Legolas paused. For a while he stood there in silence. Lost in his own thoughts.

"After you found out that I had killed Pippin, you almost killed me. You stopped when I told you that Sauron was going to make me kill Faramir."

Boromir looked at him skeptically. "Why?"

Legolas sighed and looked at him with a faraway look in his grey eyes.

"Because I know what is like to kill someone that close to you."

Boromir shook his head.
"What do you mean?"
"Think back Boromir, you saw what I did. You saw me kill my own people."

Boromir shuddered at the thought.

"Do you remember that I killed an elf who was a very close friend of mine?"
"Yes."
"He was not just a friend," Legolas said coldly, "he was my brother."

Boromir's eyes widened in shock.

Legolas had a brother?

"I killed him. I killed him when all he had been trying to do was help me. He had always looked after me. Watched over me, made sure I was safe, and I killed him."

Legolas paused. His eyes clouded over with unseen memories.

"I had not realized what I had done. I did not know that I had killed him for almost five years. And when I did find out, it nearly broke me."

Legolas' eyes cleared. When he looked back at Boromir, his eyes held a strange emotion that Boromir could not name.

"I would never ask anyone to feel what I did when I discovered that I killed my own brother. That is why I am afraid of myself. Because I know that I could do the same thing to anyone else."

Boromir was speechless. He had no words to say. Neither did Legolas. The elf left, leaving Boromir alone once again.

As he thought about what Legolas had told him, and wondered that in his own way, if Legolas had forgiven him.