I'm Yours [h.s]

Chapter 5 ~Bitter thoughts~

~Bitter thoughts~

I stared at little Molly as she looked through another luggage of clothes in the dressing room, finally she grabbed a fedora and walked over to me grinning. I noticed that she actually has dimples, odd how I haven’t noticed them before. They appear whenever she grins, which is quite so often. She placed the fedora on my head and tucked in the curls inside. She placed her hands on her small waist and smiled in approval, “That’s all you needed”

“A fedora?” I looked over at myself in the mirror and examined myself. Dressed in tight skinny black jeans, and a button up shirt tucked into the jeans, with a brown newly placed fedora, I actually didn’t quite look that bad. Maybe a fedora does actually suit me, I hope people like it.

“Yes” she exclaimed, “A fedora, perfect” as I was dressed in overly exciting clothing, I could not say the same about Molly. She was dressed in tight black and yellow leggings, yellow ankle boots, and a black oversized shirt hanging loose on her small body.

She looked like a bee.

“Black and yellow, black and yellow” Niall came into the dressing room singing, sending Molly into a fit of laughter. He was followed by Josh, who walked over to Molly smiling and hugged her close and kissed her cheek. He placed his hand on her waist and held her small figure to his build up one. Am I missing something here? They’re already officially together?

“Aw, look at the cute wittle couple” Lou said as she walked over with her makeup kit to start working on us. Molly’s cheeks turned into a hint of pink as she recovered quickly and buried her face into Josh’s chest. Josh just laughed at her and held her even tighter to him.

Stop. Fucking stop.

I walked away from the mirror and outside the dressing room unexpectedly. I would walk backstage, but there are fans around there, and I didn’t feel like meeting anyone at the moment. I am in such a lousy mood. Why am I feeling this way? I don’t feel anything about Molly; it must be the fact that there comes another happy couple, while I still don’t have Lora with me anymore.

“Dammit Lora” I mumbled to myself, “Why did you leave me?” I hung my head low as I kept walking down the hallways leading me to god knows here. I stood beside the first door I found and slid down on the floor. I brought both my knees close to my chest and placed my head on my knees and breathed trying to contain myself. I cannot possibly show them I’m like this, although I’m quite sure they all must be worried since I left so abruptly.

Stupid.

I felt someone slid beside me, but I didn’t bother looking up. Whoever came is getting nothing out from me; they can just sit there and stare at the empty walls around us.

“You alright?” I heard a male voice, Louis. Of course he followed me; they could never leave me alone to have my moment. Never. Although I know they do it out of care, but sometimes I need my space.

“I’m fine” I said with my head still hung low, I didn’t want him to look at me, because he’ll definitely know I’m lying.

“I know you’re lying Harry” I could feel Louis rolling his eyes beside me, but I still didn’t look up, “Does this have to do with Molly being with Josh?” he asked an unexpected question. My head shot up and my eyes went wide as I exclaimed too loudly, 

“Of course no” shocking Louis in front of me, I lowered my voice down and my gaze, “I mean, no, I have nothing for Molly Lou, why would I? I still love Lora”

“Of course you do” he mumbled quietly yet I heard him. But I chose to ignore it, no need for another argument right? “Look, Lora doesn’t- “ we were both interrupted by the noise of someone calling both of us. We were needed on stage, “We’ll talk about this later” Louis patted my back as he held his hand for me to stand up. And we walked together to the only thing I enjoy doing, singing on stage.

**

I finally found my way into my bunk in the tour bus; I didn’t bother changing out of my clothes as I jumped into the bed. I placed my face on the pillow and shouted but it came out as a muffle so no one could hear me as the rest of the boys went inside the bus as well. One by one they went into the bathroom to change while I lay still in my bed trying to regain my thoughts.

What is going on with me? What is wrong with me? The fact that I can’t stop thinking about Molly is weird. But whenever I think about her, it’s just bitter thoughts. I don’t like her, I love Lora. I just want her to leave my fucking mind, right now. Leave, fucking leave.

“Hey, you guys got tea in here?” Are you fucking kidding me? I’m asking her to leave my brain and she decides to physically come into the bus asking for TEA. I kept my head low not wanting to look at her at all.

“Yeah first cupboard on the left” I heard Louis explain to her. Cupboard sounds fumbled and then door closing behind her is all I heard. I lay straight on my bed finally and striped off my shirt and skinny jeans forcefully. “Harry, you should probably go for a shower, it’ll cool you up” Louis said as he took my clothes off the floor and placed them in the dirty clothes basket. I placed my bare feet on the cold bus floor – after taking off my shoes and socks with a huge effort. I kept my head low staring at my feet, what has my life gotten into?

I stood up and hit my head to the top bunk, “Fuck” I grunted loudly and rubbed my head where I’m sure a bruise will form. “This is not my day is it?” I asked particularly no one. Of course Louis being my best friend started laughing. I hit him at the back of his head as I stumbled into the bathroom. I locked the door behind me and moved the curtain of the shower; I adjust the hot-cold water making it warm and walked in front of the mirror and stared at myself.

Tired. The only thing I could explain my looks as is tired. Dark bags were under my eyes, my curls were jumbled in different directions, some of them going into my eyes and yet I didn’t bother moving them away. I rolled my eyes to my reflection in the mirror and walked into the shower.

After thoroughly washing through my curly hair and body and staring at nothing thinking, I grabbed the towel laid down for me and wrapped it around my waist, unlocked the door and went outside to kitchen for a cold glass of water. The heat in the bathroom has already gotten me feeling awfully dizzy and thirsty.

“Harry, could you put some clothes on?” I heard a gasp as Liam scolded me. I looked over at the people laid down on the couch, the boys, including a particular girl munching on chips with wide eyes, pried her eyes from my half naked body her cheeks flushing red.

“Are you always here? Bloody hell” I raised my voice more than I expected it to be raised, grunted and walked back into the bedroom without my cold glass of water I planned on drinking. I am so sick of going wherever and finding that small girl around. I just want her to be replaced by Lora.

With a loud grunt, not bothering on drying my hair or body, I threw myself into my bed and closed my eyes and slept as soon as I laid my head on the pillow. Thankfully, away from everyone, away from reality, a chance closer to dreaming about Lora.

**