I'm Yours [h.s]

Chapter 16 ~Set you free~

~Set you free~

My hand clutched the steering wheel harder and harder the closer I got to the place I was trying to not think about for the past one week. But as I was trying not to think about it, I thought about it.

My palms were filled with sweat, my leg was caressing the pedal as I sped and slowed down at the same time. Finally parking in the familiar area, I adjusted my sunglasses and beanie. I switched off the ignition and stared at the flowers seated in the passenger seat.

They looked fresh, and alive. Unlike her. They were going to wilt and die eventually. What’s the use of getting fresh flowers if they were going to die anyway? That’s depressing if you ask me.

Five minutes has gone by and I’m still sitting in the car. I need to man up. Grabbing the flowers, I opened the door and locked it, walking over to the familiar tombstone.

I sighed and sat on the floor in front of the stone. Placing the flowers there, I could already feel the tears dwelling in my eyes behind the sunglasses.

“Hi” I said out loud. My mother told me to speak out loud when I visit her. Why would I do that? What use does it make? She won’t reply me…

“It’s ridiculous that I’m speaking out loud” I chuckled half heartedly, “But maybe, just maybe you’re actually here Lora” I stared around me and saw all the other tombstones, I hate this place.

“I miss you” I started, “I… met a girl” I said before I could stop myself, “She’s really nice. She’s so different from you Lora; she’s quite annoying if you ask me. She’s always smiling as if there’s no tomorrow. Why doesn’t she frown Lora? Doesn’t anything get her? Why can’t I be like her? Why can’t I smile like her…?” I asked the still tombstone.

“I want to smile. She made me smile and laugh once, I liked it. It felt good. It’s been hard since you left, I fake it. I always do. I want it to be honest, I hate faking smiles and happiness” I crossed and uncrossed my arms as I continued, “I’m struggling to stay alive, it’s like you went away and took what life meant to me. Why would you do that love?” and that’s when the tears started falling down once again.

“I want to hug you close to me” I closed my eyes feeling the warmth she used to give me reappear, “I want you to make me feel safe, make me feel loved… I want to hold you tight and never let you go”

“Come back” I whispered.

“Hi” I heard the familiar voice, the voice I haven’t heard in over a year. I opened my eyes startled. The sky has somehow gotten darker, which is shocking. Last time I checked, it was 4 pm.

I looked at the brunette standing behind the tombstone, her brown hair flying around as the wind’s pace increase shaking me from reality to this.

“Is this really you?” I asked my voice breaking at the sight of her. Beautiful as always. Although, she was pale… so pale but beautiful.

“I don’t know, is it?”

“I miss you” I blurted out.

“Me too Harry” she smiled. That smile I missed oh so dearly.

“It’s been a year”

“I know…” she drifted off, “And you’re being an arse” I stared at her dumbfounded, what? “This whole year, all I’ve seen you do is mourn. Stop it, I didn’t leave. I have always been there. I’m always here. I want you to be happy… Molly is a pretty girl”

“But… but I want you” I stuttered confused.

“Things don’t work out the way we want it to be. But I’m here love. I’ll never leave you” she walked closer to me and sat on her knees opposite me. She extended her hand and touched my chest, “I’m always there. I will always be”

“But-“

“Always. Now, stop being a stubborn arse, and laugh, smile, be happy. I love hearing your ridiculous jokes, and laughs. I love seeing you happy; do you want me to see you upset?”

“No” I looked down.

“I love you”

“I love you too”

When I looked up, she was gone. Disappeared.

“Be free” I heard the whisper.

~

Walking into the familiar house, I paced over to the living room. Gemma was lazily tucked under a blanket watching Netflix. She seemed to only have been doing that since the day I came to visit.

My sister is really lazy.

I smiled at her as she switched off the TV, “You wanna talk?” she patted the empty area beside her on the couch. I shook my head in response.

“Do you want to go to the beach?” I asked biting on my lip. She scrunched her eyebrows confused but nonetheless nodded and got up jogging to her bedroom.

Since my mother and Robin left for their honeymoon, I have made it my assignment to keep the house a mess. I grabbed the jumper that somehow ended on the coffee table and shrugged it over the shirt I was already wearing.

The weather has gotten chilly for the last two hours I was visiting Lora. Gemma came back downstairs wearing a red jumper with black sweats.  Whenever we were in Holmes Chapel, we never bothered to look over dressed. There were no paparazzi storming my home town gladly. At least they had enough respect for that.

The drive over to the beach was silent, except for the humming of unfamiliar songs coming on the radio. Finally parking in the abandoned place, we walked over to the edge of the shore. No one was around. I wouldn’t blame them. The sea was roaring and it looked like another storm was coming up.

The wind was breath taking, and it was shattering my bones. This was only summer.

We sat there staring at the frightening sea for five minutes, but I could have sworn it had been five hours.

“Would you think I’m crazy if I told you I saw Lora?” I finally spoke, taking my gaze off the paint deserving sea and looked at my older sister.

“Hmm?” she removed the hair that was falling on her face backwards and looked at me confused, “You saw Lora?”

“Crazy innit?” I looked back at the scene in front of me again, “I think I want to be happy Gem” I said.

The sea was suddenly turned black. The moon appeared behind the thick clouds that were threatening to shed waterfalls, and reflected its light at the sea. Lora was my moon, and she was lighting a path for me – the sea.

What a funny metaphor.

Gemma took my cold hands and rubbed them between her hands lovingly, “You deserve to be happy Harry”

I nodded without verbally responding as she kept playing with my hand soothing me.

“We should get going, it’s going to rain soon” Gemma said after ten minutes of admiring the furious sea. We dug our legs from under the soft dry sand and got up as it started drizzling.

Yes, I did deserve to be happy. Lora wasn’t dead, unless I forget about her. But she will always stay in my mind, with all the happy memories we shared together since I have known her – which was as long as I can remember.

She will always be walking beside me guiding me through the storms that surely will dash with me. I could have sworn I saw Lora smiling happily at me as I walked over to my car.

An honest smile too its permanent place on my face then. I will keep smiling, and I’m going to stop mourning and be happy again.

~

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