An Easy Friend

Chapter 17

I decided to finally take a break from studying for finals and went to a show Nirvana was playing tonight. Krist and their new drummer, some kid named Al, really don't care about school. They would much play for an audience than study for THEIR finals. Understandable.

They were playing at the Community World Theatre in Tacoma. It was a big deal! They were finally recognized not just by high school partygoers, but by actual adults.

The Theater doesn't have a backstage, so I had to resort to standing in the crowd. Nirvana shows can get quite rowdy, given the band's energy. Kurt once said that it was like they and the audience were playing catch with the vibes. I think he was high when he said that, though.

When the more love-type songs came on Kurt would look for me in the crowd, smile, and sing as if it were only me there. His eyes would catch the light and cast a kaleidoscope of blue in my direction and I would fall in love all over again.

Halfway through the set a man, maybe 25 years old or so, came up behind me. He stood too close, but I didn't pay much attention because, after all, everyone's jumping around. A few minutes later he began to slur dirty things into my ear. He reeked of alcohol. I turned to move to a different spot when he grabbed my wrist and spun me into his chest.

"Don't leave, babe. The fun has only just begun." he said. I felt his hand roughly go up my shirt, searching for a way into my bra. I fought him off, bumping into several people. They didn't look at me, they thought we were just jumping around like them. His other hand began to make its way down my pants. I yelled and the music suddenly stopped.

Kurt yelled "Hey fucker, get off her!" and ran to help me. The man put up a fight, hitting Kurt in the head. He let go of me finally and engaged in a rumble with Kurt. Krist jumped off the stage and separated them.

I began crying uncontrollably. He man had scared me to death. Kurt tried to calm me down as Krist shoved the man out of the theatre. I couldn't stop crying. "I think we should stop the show." Kurt said. I shook my head but the people around us insisted we go home. They were very supportive of me, a stranger.

I trembled throughout the whole drive back home. I was traumatized. Kurt was infuriated, cursing the the whole world for producing such evil humans.  When we arrived home, I broke down for a second time. Kurt approached me and tried to hold me in his arms but I shied away. I could see the hurt in his face.

I didn't mean to hurt him. It was involuntarily. I rushed to the kitchen and dug through the knife drawer. "What are you doing?" Kurt yelled as he followed.

I pulled my sleeve up and held the first dull knife I could find up to my wrist. But before I make the first cut, I hesitated. Everything after the moment the man had grabbed me in the crowd was a foggy blur, right up until I felt the cool metal touch my skin. I snapped suddenly, releasing the knife from my firm grip and stood in amazement. It was like I wasn't in control of my mind.

I turned around and saw Kurt stood behind me, eyes wary. He walked slowly to me and grabbed me by the shoulders.

I heard a sob that I supposed was mine, but I didn't sound like it was. I was completely disconnected.

"Allison," Kurt said softly.

"I don't know why I did that." I said shakily.

"You don't have to explain. Just... I'm so sorry that happened to you." He pulled me into a tentative hug and I nodded into his shoulders.

"I know." I took a deep breath and pulled away. "I need to sleep. I don't want to think about it anymore." I eyed Kurt warily. "You can go home now, it's okay."

But he shook his head firmly. "I'm not leaving you alone right now."

Relieved, I grabbed one of his hands and squeezed it. "Thank you."