Tomorrow - Dylmas Fanfiction

Later

Extract from Thomas Sangster's journal ~ 'I don't want to write about what happened. I'm alone now. Alone to dwell in my grief, hours, days, weeks passing without acknowledgement. Days drift into nights, my sleep schedule is non existent. Sometimes I find myself awake for days at a time, forgetting to eat. I don't care about anything any more. My manager has given me some time away from everything, thank God. I don't need the world sending messages and approaching me in the streets asking if I'm okay. I'm fucking not okay. I haven't left my flat in weeks. I can't handle the world any more. It was my fault. I could have saved him but I didn't and the hatred I feel for myself will never leave. I know he'd want me to be happy, but how can I? The love of my life and the only person in the entire world is gone and it's my doing.'

One month later:

I came back to England a couple of days after what happened. I didn't go away with my family because I couldn't face it - I wanted to lock myself in a room, dig a hole and die. I still do. I couldn't face Dylan's funeral, and besides, I couldn't go all the way back to America just to cry while a coffin encasing my boyfriend's body was lowered into the ground. It didn't mean anything because I told him I cared about him while he was still alive but couldn't prove it so what does flying across the Atlantic ocean to look at a coffin after he died show? That I had enough money to catch a plane? Anyway, his parents would probably be there. I have no idea what happened to Patrick after he killed his own son and for some unexplainable reason neither do I care. I should want him dead. I should hate him with all my heart but I don't think I can do that because, as Albert Einstein once said, "The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it."

                    I've spent the last four weeks in my flat, doing 40% crying, 50% sleeping and 10% telling people to leave me alone. Various friends and family members have tried to visit me and explain things to me and comfort me. In the beginning, I would let them inside and stay silent as they judged the state of my flat, gave me 'advice' on how to get over him and inform me on the revelations of the situation but I soon learned that it was pointless. No one's come in here for over two weeks. I know I live under a pile of shit, I will never 'get over' him - he was the reason I carried on with each day and he made me happy. From the things I've been told, I've worked out pretty much what happened. Something about him refusing treatment but insisting to see me. What was that about? Why did he do it? Did he want to leave me? But if he wanted to leave me why did he ask to see me and say what he did? Not that it matters. He's gone now. Most people would want to find out anything and everything, but not me. It would just add to my grief. I'm done with life. I want Dylan, I need Dylan so that's why I decided to do what I did.
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Sorry for the late, short, not very good update, I've been addicted to the sims and I have school exams starting tomorrow and have barely started revision.. Help me. I'm stopping qotc because tbh it was weird and pointless. I will TRY and update soon but I'm not sure how soon that is. Thanks for reading and btw 1.5k?! That's crazy!