◄ you and me ◄ carl grimes

You And Me: Still Feeling Her.

edited march 14th 2O22

It's been about two months since my daddy died. I was beyond depressed for the first month. Didn't talk much, didn't eat much, but I slowly got over it. I still missed my daddy so so much and I'd give anything to go back and fix it, but the world isn't like that..sadly.

"You sure you don't want me to take watch with you?" Ryne asked me as he latched his arms around my waist and my arms around his neck. "Yes I'm sure, you've taken it for two straight days. You need to get some sleep." I said placing my lips on his. "How are you going to tell me to go to sleep then kiss me. That's not even fair, Ella." he smirked.

"Then this is brutal." I smiled and jumped onto him, moving my lips with his faster and faster.

"Won't ya get a damn room, Mr and Mrs. Howard? Damn kids." Daryl said walking back from the kitchen. "Sorry Daryl." Ryne said and we both erupted into a fit of laughter. I hopped out of Ryne's arms and back on the floor. "Really, you should get some sleep. I'll be fine out here, I promise." I smiled and reassured Ryne. 

"Whatever you say, sweetheart. I'll be upstairs, you know you can holler and I'll be down in no time." Ryne placed one last kiss on my lips before making his exit upstairs.

He's been such a great person to me, and I've absolutely enjoyed the time we have had together. It wasn't always so intense and scary, like how it was with Carl. Not that I didn't miss Carl, he was my first love. I just love experiencing something different, a different type of love.

I sat down at my chair next to the window, extremely bored. I had absolutely nothing to do, but sit here and watch. I thought about waking Ryne up just to even keep me up, but I knew he was exhausted. Deep into my thoughts, I was snapped out of them by rustling outside. I assumed maybe it was just one walker. If it was, it would just go away, if it were several I would just have to hope for the best and stay very silent.

I looked closer out of the window and realized it was Carl outside of our house. I slowly opened the door and there he was standing at the porch. "What are you doing outside so late?" I asked and caught his attention. "Oh, you're on watch too?" he slightly smiled and I nodded. "Wouldn't be awake if I wasn't."

"Is it alright if I come in and take watch with you?"

I was hesitant to agree to that. "Just to take watch. I feel like falling asleep and I probably will if I don't keep myself busy with just a conversation or somebody else's presence." Reluctantly, I opened the door a little more. I allowed Carl to come inside and quietly shut the door behind him.

I sat on the couch, Carl sitting at the opposite end. I was not even sure what we could talk about. How do you hold conversations with your exes? I was sure he was feeling the same way, but that didn't explain why he wanted to be in here with me. "You been doing alright?" He broke the silence and I shrugged. "I never got to offer my condolences about your da-

"Carl, I really do appreciate that but I really don't need to hear it anymore. Thank you." I cut him off and he looked taken back. I wasn't trying to be harsh, but losing my last remaining blood killed me. I could fall back into my terrible state of depression at the drop of a hat. Being reminded about my daddy, constantly was sure to do it.

We stood there again in a grown silence. I honestly just wanted him to leave, but I didn't want to be rude.

"It's crazy how long it has been since we met at summer camp." Carl stated and I nodded. "It doesn't even feel like it's been in this lifetime." I laughed and he told me to hold out my hand. "What for?" 

I held my hand out and he dropped something metal like in my hand. Once he removed his palm, there was a small silver chain. I realized it was my 'E' necklace I thought I had lost years ago. 

I could've broken out in tears, I was so shocked to see it. "How? What? I thought I lost this years ago." Carl smiled at my reaction and he told me "When you, when Dakota kidnapped you, it must've fallen off of you. 

His smiled was ear to ear at my reaction. He then revealed a picture of him and I. It was years ago, it was a photo we took at one of our last days at camp. I was now fully about to cry. I thought anything like this was gone. He never even revealed this to me when we were dating. I wondered how long he had it. 

He still kept a smile glued onto his face at my reaction about these things.. I got up and hugged him out of total and complete happiness. "I'm just, so happy that you still have these." I said moving my hair out of my face. I pulled away from the hug, only to be pulled back by Carl. I slightly smiled and unhooked his arms from around my waist. "Put this on for me?" I asked,  handing my necklace to him. He nodded and I turned around for him to do so.

I moved my hair aside for him, and I tensed at the touch of his hands on me. I missed it almost, it was a feeling I never thought i'd feel again.

He gently put it to the front of me then back around, latching it together.. I slowly put my hair down and turned to him. "Thank you." I smiled sincerely and he smiled with a nod. He softly tried to pull me back into hug and I rejected him. "No."

"I'm sorry." was all he said. Carl took his hat off and ruffled his hair. He was embarrassed. "I'm with Ryne and you're with his sister. It's not right. I -

I stopped myself because for some reason I had the urge to tell him that I did still love him. That never went away and even if we were separated for good today or tomorrow or the day after that, my feelings towards him would never change. 

"What is it?" He caught me and I got up and walked into the office. Of course he would follow behind. "Please tell me what you were going to say, please." He begged and I continuously shook my head no. "You should leave."

"I still love you." Carl said and I looked up at him again. "You're with Tegan, you should keep those feelings to yourself. Have some respect for that girlfriend at least." I snapped and pushed past him.

"I don't care. It's how I feel and I'm not ashamed of it." He followed me back into the living room.

I flashed back to when my daddy said " Kind of figured it'd be the other way around." That's what he meant and when he said it wasn't his place to say it. He was talking about Carl still having real strong feelings about me. I teared up at the thought because thinking about my daddy and our last conversation was just too much. "You know, the last thing I told my daddy was to mind his own business, but his last words were that he loved me." I said really letting tears fall. 

"Ella, don't do that to yourself." Carl said coming to hold me, I shoved his arms away strongly.

"I still love you so much, Ella. More than myself, more than anything." Carl blurted and I shoved him. "Shut your fucking mouth, Carl. Seriously, just stop. You cheated on me, you wanted something new once it presented itself to you. You're the one that let me go. I'm dealing with so much right now. How dare you think right now was the appropriate time for any of this. I don't care how I feel about you. I'm not letting my feelings cloud my judgement at the facts. I don't-

My outburst was interrupted by Carl attaching his lips to mine.