Loveless Ages

Chapter Three

Josh has become very interested in finding out everything there is to know about love. At first, he was kind of freaked out by it. He didn't understand it. Then he was curious. After being curious, he became mystified by the idea. He thinks it is the most wonderful thing he has ever heard of and is upset that he cannot feel it. He has begun to spend a lot of time in the library with me. Josh is one of Darwin Queller's best science students so he is very interested in the scientific aspect of it all. He finds and reads many books on body chemistry and what exactly made two people attracted to each other in the olden days. He also reads about how Schluton's injection works. It was injected into people a hundred and eighty seven years ago and was genetic therefore it got passed down to their children. Josh understands the scientific side of love.

"It's kind of sad." I say one day. Josh is watching Romeo and Juliet in the movie room and I am lying on the floor beside him doing my homework. I have already seen this movie eight times. I find Leonardo DiCaprio ridiculously attractive in it.

"What's kind of sad?" He asks me.

"Romantic love is this intense, beautiful, passionate thing. It is something that people used to spend their lives looking for. People used to die for it, and here we are living in a nation where such a powerful thing was overcome by one injection.  I mean... Is that really it?"

 "Would you give it up?" He asks. "I mean if you had the chance to give it up, would you?"

 "It hurts sometimes. Sometimes I wish that I didn't feel the way I feel. Sometimes I wish that I could just turn it off. I've resented you for making me love you." I say. He smiles a little bit at this.

 "But I think that if it came down to it, I wouldn’t be able to give it up. Being in love with you has made me cry, but it has also made me smile. I wouldn't give up the smiles for the tears." I know that he feels uncomfortable when I say things like this but I can't help it.

 "You're so cheesy." He says. He continues watching the movie. After a while, he turns to me.

 "What if there was a cure?" He asks.

 "A cure?" I ask.

 "Yeah. Like a way to reverse what they did with the anti-romance hormones." He says.

 "I don't know. Maybe." I shrug. "What are you thinking?"

 "I'm thinking... What if I could love you back?" He says. I bite the inside of my cheek and try not to look hopeful.

 "What if?" I ask.

 "Wouldn't that be amazing?" He asks.

 "It would be." I say quietly.

 "So what if I could make some type of substance that somehow gets rid of the structure that produces these hormones. Then maybe I could be like you."

 "I don't think it's that easy Josh." I say.

 "I didn't say it would be easy." He tells me. "But it could be possible."

 "Are you saying that you're going to start looking for a cure?" I ask.

 "Yes that's what I'm saying."

 "You don't have to do that." I say.

"I'm not just doing it for you. I'm doing it for me too." He admits. I look at him.

"That emptiness you feel... I feel it too sometimes. It's kind of like something is missing and I don't know what it is." He says. "Or I didn't know what it was. Now I do."

"Is that true?"

"Why do you think I try to keep so busy?" He asks. It's true. Josh does his best to pack his schedule. When he isn't with me he is spending time with other friends or taking an art class or is at football practice or basketball practice or lacrosse practice or martial arts class or is meeting with the science club or doing some sort of student survey. He also can play the piano and the flute. He doesn't leave himself with any alone time.