Loveless Ages

Chapter Nine

After we finish with our meeting, Josh asks Janice if she would like to go with him to get something to eat and she accepts his offer. Josh turns to look at me.

“I can bring Luna with me,” he says.

“Huh?” I ask, “Why?”

“Maybe you could catch up on some rest,” Josh suggests.

“Really?” I ask, “You wouldn’t mind?”

“I don’t mind at all,” Josh says.

“Oh god. Thank you,” I smile. Xander is looking at us.

“Unless… Xander would like to spend some time with her,” Josh offers. Xander’s eyes widen.

“Oh no,” he says, “I’m fine.” Lahar says goodbye to us and excuses himself from the room.

“Ha,” Josh laughs, “Is Xander afraid of his baby?” Xander rolls his eyes and ignores Josh’s comment. Josh takes Luna into his arms and everyone leaves Xander and I alone once again.

“Why are you afraid of her?” I ask him gently.

“I’m not,” he protests, “Why would I be afraid of her?” I look at him carefully.

“Two weeks,” he says finally, “In two weeks you plan on leaving. You plan on taking her and leaving. I mean, I know things are different now that we are trying to ‘heal Schlutonia’ or whatever. But still. At any given time, you can take her and leave. And I know that if I hold her, or if I even look at her, I will have no choice but to love her,” he says.

“What’s wrong with loving your daughter?” I ask.

“Don’t you get that everyone I love disappears?” he asks. I stare at him for a moment. His father died when he was young. His mother was a drug addict. His first love died. And I left.

“None of it is her fault,” I say. He walks past me to get to the door.

“Remember how you asked me if I ever loved you?” Xander asks. I feel goose bumps rise on my skin as he asks the question and I am terrified at what he will say next.

“Yes,” my voice is frail.

“I did,” he says. And then he leaves the room. I did. Past tense. The two most heartbreaking words anyone has ever uttered to me. I leave the room and see Lahar sitting at a computer all alone. He looks just as alone as I feel. I walk over to him and sit down in the seat next to his.

“Hi,” I say. He turns to look at me.

“Do you need something?” he asks.

“Just some company,” I say.

“Well I’m not a male escort, I’m a researcher,” he says. I can’t tell if he’s joking or if he’s just being rude. He sighs and turns to face me.

“I guess I can grace you with my company,” he says to me.

“Wow,” I say, “Never mind.” I stand up.

“Oh come on,” he says, “I was joking.”

“I’m just going to walk away now,” I say.

“I have a coffee machine in my room,” Lahar tells me, “And you look like you could use some.”

“I already drank coffee,” I say. He smiles.

“This is me asking for your company now,” he says. I consider this for a moment.

“Fine,” I agree. He stands up and begins to walk towards the elevator with me.

“So you’re a descendant of the former Queen of Albentroy?” Lahar asks me.