Me, Myself, and I (Complete)

Celebrity-napped

Last week was the most funniest and interesting week since I've been in Hollywood. Like who doesn't like exposing and making fun of other people. Especially when they're fucking famous. Well, not anymore. Sorry JB. I didn't mean it at all. Yes I did. But I didn't mean the part when you showed your penis but yeah. I'm not sorry at all. I'm thankful. My tv show was a hit. But I don't know what the next episode is about though. I hope I don't reveal another's penis. Or vagina. Well, mostly the penis. Forget about that. I just don't know what to do. Oh, maybe I could ask JB to be my guest so, I could help him clean his name. And for the stupid people out there, I'm not literally going to clean his name. Trust me, I learned that the hard way. No seriously, when I was in celebrity school, Jissel literally cleaned the piece of paper that I wrote my name into. She was stupid too. But thanks to her, I learned that it's just an expression. But if there was dirt in my paper then, it would have make sense. Whatever. So, I went to JB's house and he told me to wait at his basement.

"Why do I have to wait in the basement?" I asked.

"Cause' my music stuff are there. Yeah, that's a good excuse" he answered.

"Okay" I said.

"Just wait there cause' I need to get the rope and tape. I mean rape. I mean tape for the song"

"Okay"

I went downstairs and I saw a chair that says this is reserved for JG. So, I sat in the chair. Then, I saw green gas so, I turned up the music because I thought it was a surprise party for me. But when I turned it on, it was a funeral song,

Here comes the dead,

I took off his head.

Don't say anything,

Or I'll kill you instead.

And then, a guy's head fell into my hands.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. JB HELP!!!! PLEASE!!" I screamed.

One second later, I fell asleep from the gas. When I woke up, I was tied up with ropes and tapes all over my body. Oh, I wonder where JB is. Then, I saw him in the side sitting.

"Oh, hey JB. I see you got a reserved seat too"

"Yeah, it's my house"

"Ok, where's the rope and tapes that you said you're gonna bring"

He looked at me.

"What are you looking at?"

He looked at me again.

"Oh yeah. I got new shoes"

"No dumbass you're wearing it"

"I know, that's what you do with shoes"

"No, I mean you're wearing it"

"What? This underwear. If you need one, I could..."

"NOOOO. I MEAN YOU'RE WEARING THE ROPES AND TAPES"

"Oh okay. I thought you gave it to me as a gift"

"WTF?!"
"Yeah, you threw this surprise party for me. Wait, where's all the other people?"

"No one's here"

"Oh, is it because they thought you'll show your penis again"

"NO, Because I'm celebrity-napping you dickhead"

"Celebrity-napping?"

"It's like kidnapping but with celebrities"

"What?"

"You'll get use to it"

"No, I mean why are you doing this"

"Because you ruined my career. You stole my record deal. You stole my reality tv show. You stole everything. You even showed the world my penis twice just for your tv show. And most of all, you stole my underwear commercial for Calvin Klein, I need underwear" he cried.

"Sooooo, no party"

"Did you listen to anything that I said?"

"Yeah, blah blah blah career, blah blah tv, blah blah blah penis, blah blah blah blah too poor to afford own underwear"

"I didn't say that!"
"Yes you did. Now, can we start the party?!"

"There's no party. I'm celebrity-napping you"

"What?"
"I already explained it to you"

"Explained what?"

"Just STFU. Look, you are going to be trapped in here, while I'll go get what's right for me"

"Soooo, you're going out to get new underwear then come back. Okay. I'll play more of this song. I like it, it's my jam.

I'm gonna sell your meat,

I'm gonna cut your feet.

So, come on and take a seat,

Then, you will start to bleed. Bleed (evil laugh)

"You do know that the song is a funeral song right?"

"But it's a catchy funeral song"

"Why aren't you sad or terrified?"

"Terrified of what?"

"All of this. There's a funeral song, A green gas made you fall asleep, My dad's head, I mean a random head fell into your hands, You're tied up, and I'm celebrity-napping you"

"Hey, I saw your dick. Nothing scares me anymore"

"Oh You will be after you see this" he showed a knife.

"Oh good, you're gonna cook. I want a sirloin steak medium rare with red potatoes in the side please"

"I'm not gonna cook!"

"Then, what are you gonna do with the knife (gasp)"

"Yeah"

"You're gonna cut these ropes. Oh thank God. You really need to use a more comfy rope"

"I'm not gonna cut the rope!"
"Okay.."

"If I can't scare you, I'm gonna kill you"

"Oh Okay. But do it quick cause' I need to plan my funeral"

"WTF! Just go!"

Justin Bieber cut the ropes and tapes and let me go. But before I left, I had to ask....

"When will the party start?"

"THERE'S NO FUCKING PARTY YOU DUMBASS BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET THE FUCK OUT MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE THE STUPIDEST ASIAN IN THE UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And take my dad's head, I mean this random head with you (he threw at me)" he screamed.

After all that, what JB don't know is that, I had a hidden camera with me this whole time. Cause' I thought that he was gonna throw a tantrum again or show is penis again, again. But this episode is going to be boring. All he did was try to kill me with a knife. That's no fun at all. I guess I have to suffer the tv's ratings this week. He should have at least showed his dick again. Ugh shy people.

#JBreturns #Celebrity-Napped #ITookTheDeadHeadWithMeAsASouvenir

Ps. Celebrity-napping is not cool. Unless you're throwing a party for them after you tried to kill them.

#JustWriteIt #firsts