masked

#26-Simon

I trudge to my dorm room, heart heavy in my chest. Almost weighing me down, I just wanted to collapse on my bed. Harry was probably home but he was the kinda guy who didn't ask questions which I was thankful for.

As I rounded the corner to my door, I saw someone leaning up against it. Someone in a black SnapBack and Nike hoodie, I knew him.

"Tobi?"

He looked up and I instantly knew he was fuming. Fuck. I was not in the mood for any confrontation right now. He strode towards me, his eyes narrowed.

"We need to talk." He hissed, gesturing towards my room. I sighed, too exhausted to argue against it and unlocked my door. Cigarette fumes filled the air in my room and there were empty tobacco packets littering the floor.

"Fuck you for hurting her. Fuck you for making her feel like she did something wrong. Fuck you for turning a happy, confident, girl into an insecure mess. Fuck you for destroying my best friend. Now I'm the one who's driving to her house at 12:15am with 2 jumbo slushies because you broke her, and thats the only way that I know to cheer her up. Fuck you for hurting her, and making her second guess herself. You fucking broke the strongest girl I know." The boy behind me yelled.

I ran a hand through my already tousled hair. "I didn't want to do it, Tobi." I might aswell tell him the truth, then he can understand why I did what I did. I took a deep breath. "It's Eric, he found me."

Tobi inhaled sharply, realisation flooding his face.

"Don't you dare say I told you so." My voice cracked and I had to bite back the lump forming in my throat.

"He threatened you?" Tobi asked, a more subdued tone. I didn't want his pity.

"Yes." I snapped.

"Simon, she still loves you."

Silence.

"I'm not saying that to give you hope, you need to make sure she stays away from you. From what Eric did to you guys in the past? I will not let that happen to Willow." There was determination in his voice.

I looked up, sighing. "What do you want me to do?"

"Pretend you've moved on. It will hurt her but I don't care as long as she's guaranteed safety. I know Willow and she's stubborn, when she wants something she goes for it."

"Okay." I whispered, not trusting my voice. "I'll do it."

Tobi nodded, solemnly. "What about-um-Josh?"

"What about him?" I asked, tentatively. Surprised that he would mention Josh's name. They had a long history.

"Did Eric find him? He broke up with Freya."

I didn't even know what was going on in one of my best friends lives. What had happened to me? I shrugged my shoulders and looked away.

"I'm sorry." I spoke so quietly I was unsure if he heard me at first. Then I felt a hand being placed on my shoulder.

"What's done is done, Simon." He said gently.

I snapped.

"No! If I just fucking listened to you all those years ago, I wouldn't be in this situation!" I screamed, slamming my fists into the wall.

"We were young, stupid-" Tobi started.

I shook my head furiously. "I was just being selfish, you were my real friends but I fucking ditched you for Eric and now he's ruining my life!" My voice sounded hoarse as I finally let the tears escape from my eyes. I slid down the wall, shaking with anger.

"Just leave." I sobbed, turning away. A few seconds later I heard the door shut.  I wanted Willow, her soothing voice and careful hands. She knew how to calm me down.

I wasn't in my right mind when I grabbed my jacket and shakily let my feet lead me towards her dorm room.

I pounded on the door, desperate. "Willow! Please open up." I cried, my vision was blurred and my knuckles were stinging with pain.

I almost gave up until the door opened and I heard a quiet voice. The voice I had been longing to hear for what seemed like a lifetime.

"Simon?" Her eyes looked at me, wide with surprise and hurt. I flinched, was this a bad idea? But then she fell into my arms and I sobbed as I held her close to me, her familiar sweet scent engulfing me.

"I can't-damn it, I can't do this." I cried,  shaking my head and running a hand through my hair. "I'm losing it. Sense, sleep-everything! I look at you and the whole world unravels. Give up on you? God, how? You're all I fucking know."

She pulled away and looked at me for a prolonged amount of time.

"Then, stay." She said in this small, adorable voice. "I love you, Simon."

A pause. My heart was screaming at me to say it back but my brain took over. Eric would make her a target if he knew we were together, I couldn't put her in danger because of me.

I shook my head sadly. "I'm sorry, this just can't happen."

I lifted my gaze to meet her eyes. They were a beautiful, innocent shade of green. A reflection of my own, broken lost, confused. I watched as her eyes started to brim with tears and then she was burying her head in my chest, crying until my bones felt weak with her tears. I thought I could be strong but seeing her break down like this was hurting me in ways I couldn't understand.

"Why did you stop trying? You promised to never give up on us, to never let the darkest forces or deepest secrets from coming between us. And then one day you just gave up. Why?" She yelled, shoving me a little.

"This is for the best, Willow. I'm not good for you." I said, not able to meet her eyes.

"That's not your decision to make, Simon. Why do you lie? I can see that you love me, I see it in your eyes." She reached up a hand to brush against my cheek. I almost gave in there but I pushed away her hand immediately  and stumbled backwards.

Her expression hardened.

She looked away for a moment, her eyebrows furrowed as if she was trying to understand the whole situation. Finally, when she raises her head she lets out a laugh. Her laugh used to make me feel like everything was beautiful; in this moment it sent a shiver down my spine.

Slowly, her eyes met mine and I flinched from what I saw in them, so much disgust a betrayal, it chilled me to my core. Then she choked back a sob and just for a split second, the mask came off and I wanted to grab her and hold her in my arms. She cleared her throat and uttered five words that held so much power.

"Leave. And don't come back."

I backed away slowly and then turned on my heel and started to walk away from my whole world. I paused at the door. "Please wait for me, Willow."

"I can't promise you that." I heard her reply.

a/n

this is so sad :o

but 7k reads?? i can't stop smiling i feel so loved thank you thank you thank you

-mia