I Hate You, I Love You { mitch grassi }

XXXIV

I pulled away quickly after I realized what had happened. But it wasn't because I realized, but because I heard a voice I really didn't want to hear.

"Well, alright," I heard Mitch say.

"Shit, hey, Mitchy," I laughed awkwardly, running to him.

"Hey babe," he kissed my cheek.

"How was shopping?" I asked, all while Scott just sat pondering the next move to make.

"It was great! We got some really cute stuff. Kirstie bought like 300 pairs of shoes, too," he laughed, "I didn't see you at the rink so I figured you'd be here cause it's Scott's favorite escape."

"Oh, yeah. We dropped by after Scott almost broke his face like twice," I laughed.

"Are we not even going to mention what he walked up on?" Scott blurted out.

I looked at Mitch suspensefully, "Yeah, about that. It was a heat of the moment thing, I didn't mean t-"

He just laughed, "It's okay, Cressida."

"What?" I let out a breath, as did Scott.

"Yeah, it's completely fine. I know how you feel about Scott. And, you did the same to me while you were dating him. I kind of expected it," he went and sat by Scott.

"You what?" Scott asked worriedly.

"Shut up, don't play dumb," I said, joining them.

"Yeah, it's just like an; 'I know how you feel and it's okay' situation, but also a; 'You should probably figure out what you want soon or it will all collapse on you' situation. And I'm speaking for both Scott and I when I say that I don't think we'll hang around too much longer to find out."

"I get it. It's just gonna take a couple days," I sighed.

"Yeah.."

It got really awkward.

"I love you guys," I said.

"I love you," they both said simultaneously.

***

"Hey, Kirst?" I asked from my side of the phone.

"Hey, C, what's up?"

"Can we talk?"

"Of course, whats on your mind?"

"No, like in person. It's really important," I said.

"Oh, yeah. Just meet me at the cafe, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. See ya soon."

***

I got to the cafe quickly to see Kirstie outside. I unlocked it and we went in and sat down.

"Okay, so what's up?" She asked.

"I have to decide and pick between Scott and Mitch and I just... I don't want to because I don't want to lose one of them and I know that will happen," I sighed.

"Don't be silly, Cressida. Sure whoever you don't pick will be slightly hurt, but they won't leave."

"That's what Mitch said in high school, Kirstie. How do I know he won't leave again?"

"He's madly in love with you. If he left it would hurt him more than it hurt you," she told me.

"I want to believe that, but I can't."

"Do you want my honest opinion?"

I nodded my head.

"Go for Mitch. As much as Scott loves you it doesn't even compare in the slightest to how much Mitch loves you. Scott will always be your best friend, no matter who you chose," she said.

"You're probably right, yeah. I just don't know about this whole situation."

"Don't make the wrong choice, C," she said, standing up, "I'm gonna go back and talk to them. Coming with?"

"Nah, I'll just stay here for a little bit."

She left and I sat in my chair, looking outside at all of the people passing.

I sat for a long time, just thinking.

Any move I make could ruin everything I've worked for and I don't know if I can do that.

Part of me wants to pick Mitch just because he's where my heart is but another part of me feels like I'm forced to or else we'll become distant again. And I'm not ready to let him go.

But a small part of me also so desperately wants Scott. He makes me so much happier than I thought he would. He's the sunshine I've always craved in my dark abyss of a world.

I pull out my phone and get into my contacts.

Staring back at me are two choices.

Scott's name beams on the screen. I debate calling him but my phone found itself going to Mitch's name. I flickered back and forth between the two before sharply inhaling.

I pressed the call button.

"Cressida?" The voice echoes through the phone and through every bone in my body as I questioned the choice I was making.

"I pick you," I said, a single tear rolling off my cheek.