Just Kidding

Wildest Dreams

Taylor.

He's so tall and handsome as hell
He's so bad, but he does it so well
As it begins, I can feel the end..

I scribbled out the lyrics I wrote in my journal. Harry was sleeping beside me on the flight back home. Liam texted me a while ago asking how things were. I didn't respond though, I was too transfixed in my own thoughts.

It's been a while since Harry and I first started dating. We have spent plenty of time together and I feel like we are moving forward, but Harry barely talks about a future. I know we are supposed to break up at the snap of management's fingers but, we both want to stay together.

We both want to stay together but he doesn't talk about us after the break up. He doesn't mention us still hanging out or fighting back management and staying together. He just slides by the subject with a simple answer.

What, am I wasting my time? Am I setting myself up for false hope? Am I sounding crazy? Am I too invested in the relationship? Am I going to stay with him? Are we going to have children together?

I'm driving myself crazy over this.

Before I could think any further, I flipped to a new page in my journal and things just started pouring out of me. The page was filled up and I moved on to another one, then another.

The next thing I knew, the flight was landing and Harry was awake. When we got off the plane, Matt, my driver, was waiting in the back.

He held up a sign that had my face on it, and he had a giant smile on his face. I felt so relieved to see him. This entire time with Harry, we were hanging out with all of Harry's people and I missed having someone on my team.

I smiled and hugged him, thanking him a million times for always picking me up. Harry was holding all of our bags and walking to the car.

"How've you been, Matt?" I asked him. He gave me a jacket and we began walking to the car. "Thank you." I put the jacket on.

"I've been well. How was your trip?" He asked. He was always so formal around me.

"It was fun." I nod my head once. I wasn't exactly excited to talk about it, but I won't ignore him. Matt sensed my tone and didn't ask me anymore quetions. Which I was so grateful for.

We got in the car and Matt took off. He began driving us back to my house. I looked through twitter and instagram, then I clicked on my notifications. There was one mention that I cared about.

It was a tweet from Margery, the nice lady on the boat who showed me the bathroom. She uploaded the picture I took with her, and attached a video of her daughter freaking out. I was laughing while watching the video.

I retweeted it and followed her daughter. I followed a few more fans and then clicked my phone off. I looked outside of the window and saw that it was raining.

It reminded me of Christmas.

It was snowing on Christmas day. Harry was at my apartment and when we woke up, we rushed to get dressed. Then we ran downstairs and played in the snow. We built a snow man and a little igloo for homeless animals. After we were done playing, we went back inside and he made us hot chocolate and brownies. We stayed inside after that and we watched movies. Other stuff happened, too. But that stuff is not as important as the little stuff we did together.

It was such a great day.

I decided to rest my head on Harry's shoulder. He grabbed my hand and laced our fingers together, kissing the top of my head.

"I had fun." He said.

"Me too."

~

I was the studio, recording a few more songs to put on my album. I kept recording random things, like I'd tap my finger against the mic or hum. I don't know why I just can't figure these songs out.

After about two hours of us just playing around, we decided to call it a day and went home.

I got in my car, for what felt like the first time in years, and drove through the roads of new york. It's been so long since I've done what I wanted and spent time with myself.

The only reason I don't have Harry with me, is because I told him I was busy and that he probably has some things to do.

In all honestly, I was growing tired of Harry. Not that I don't love him, it's just a lot to spend every day with him. Besides, I am anxious about where we are going and I can't even figure out what I want, let alone try to ask Harry what he wants.

I can already see that this conversation will lead into a fight.

While parked at at stop light, I dialed Arial's number. "Taylor Swift! You're alive!" She giggled. I rolled my eyes and the light turned green.

"I can't believe you cancelled all of my shows and stuff for three days with Harry." I held a small smile.

"I didn't." All of a sudden, her tone changed from happy to beyond pissed. "I can't believe you, Taylor. I stuck my neck out for you and you don't show up for a week!" She was yelling.

"What are you talking about? Harry said he talked to you and you cancelled everything?!" I was starting to breathe really hard. I hated when I had panic attacks. I just had to keep calm.

"No, Taylor. I would never cancel arrangements we made practically a year ago, so you can spend three days with an arrangement." She was so mad at me. She sounded like she was trying to remain calm but I could tell she was so angry with me.

"Arial, you have to understand, Harry told me- he said he talked to- Arial I'm so sorry." I could feel myself starting to get worked up. I took the closest turn into a parking garage, Arial was still yelling at me, and I parked.

"You better get your priorities straight, Swift. I can't keep lying for you or both of our jobs are in jeopardy. Goodbye." She hung up.

I stayed inside of my car, crying and cursing myself for this huge mistake. I knew I should have never went with Harry. I should have gone home.

I should've said no.

Now pissed off, I was speeding up and down the highway, trying my best to get to my apartment. I texted Harry a while ago to meet me there.

~

"Hi, Jeff." I greeted my doorman. He tipped his hat at me and told me to have a good day. I pressed my floor and waited impatiently for the ding. I can hear how hard I'm breathing while I stared at the numbers at the top of the doors.

The elevator finally stopped and I marched down to my apartment. I struggled to get my keys out and when I did eventually get them, I had no problem with shoving them through the lock. I pushed my door open with so much force that I could have knocked off the hinges. I am like the Hulk right now. I like it.

I threw my stuff across the room and yaked off my jacket, throwing that across the room.

I can't believe him. He now only lied to me but he is putting my career at risk by making me miss interviews and shows. I lost out on meeting some fans because he lied to me.

I shouldn't have gone with him.